Wednesday, August 15, 2007

What I did on my next 80 summer vacations.

Yesterday I read an article on the international rankings of life expectancy. Very interesting stuff.

Did you know that nearly a third of U.S. adults 20 years and older are obese, that black americans have an average life expectancy five years shorter than white Americans and that a relatively high percentage of babies born in the U.S. die before their first birthday? Me neither!

As it turns out, Americans are living longer than ever. But not as long as people in 41 other countries (Japan and Singapore lead the pack).

The article also states that a baby born in the United States in 2004 will live an average of 77.9 years. Not bad. But, considering that I'm 35 years old, I can already feel the cold, creeping hand of Mr. Death swinging his scythe at my neck.

Then I started thinking about vacations.

Basically, I've got about 80 vacations left before I die. That's counting two vacations per year plus 10 more for good merit.

Another thing to consider is my health. I'm going to roll the dice here and say that I'm going to be considerably healthy until I'm 55. That gives me a little more than 20 years (or 40 vacations) to be physically able to go on some sort of strenuous vacation (e.g. hiking Mount Everest, biking across Russia, hunting wild game in Africa, chasing down Bigfoot, etc.)

Then from 55 to 75, I'll have 20 years of sightseeing expeditions where I'll visit places that will have to have a restroom, hospital or diaper-changing station nearby due to my irritable bowels, gout and blindness. This will be the time to visit serene locations like Mount Rushmore, The Eiffel Tower, Stone Mountain, San Francisco and the Kentucky Derby.

Then from 75 to my ultimate death in April of 2050. I'll take a tip from the grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine and start sniffing heroin, banging as many old ladies I can get my hands on and coordinating my granddaughter's dance routine for some sort of futuristic beauty pageant.

Hey, at least I'm not a resident of Swaziland, where the life expectancy is 34.1 years.

If I lived there, I'd already be on borrowed time.


Anonymous said...

Yes, but 77.9 years is for children born in 2004. So, my guess is you're a lot closer to death than you think.

Your Finest Eimer said...

Hey Anonymouse thanks brightening my day. Time to go home and drown my sorrows.