Eimertoons - Utilities

Eimer Note: I've had this one in the hopper for quite some time - since maybe early April 2014. But, for whatever reason, I was hesitant on releasing it to the public. Not sure why. In any event, enjoy.

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Eimertoons - Eimer's Credit Card

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Money, Inflation and Mo' Money

By no means am I well versed in economics.

Here's what I know. Things cost money. In order to buy things, you must make money. In order to make money, you need to do some sort of job. Then, after you get your first paycheck, you realize the stuff you really want costs more money than you have.

So you want more money. So you work harder for more money. But things get more expensive, so the more money you make, the more money you spend on the same things that are increasing exponentially in price every single year, every single month.

Which brings me to Giant Eagle. Doesn't it seem like every item at Giant Eagle costs about $4.00. I know I'm being facetious, but maybe I'm not. To add to that thought, Why does a cart of groceries at Giant Eagle cost about $300, but you can go down the street to Marc's (or whatever your local cheap-o grocery mart is called) and get the exact same groceries, and more, for about $150?

But, I digress.

This past weekend I sat down with my Dad to discuss money, inflation and well, mo' money. Not the movie, the idea.

But first a little history lesson. I grew up in Martins Ferry, Ohio, which is a small little town near Wheeling, W.Va. The economy started to go belly up when the steel industry went kaput in the early 80's. As the steel and coal money dried up, so did the once-prosperous towns and villages along the Ohio River. Although a beautiful area with lots of rolling hils and historic landmarks, the area hasn't really been the same since.

"Dad," I asked my Dad. "How much were you making in the 80's."

My dad, who retired after 35 years as a delivery dude for United Parcel Service, gave me a number between $40,000 and $70,000. For that particular time, it was pretty decent money. In fact, I would consider my Dad's annual payload during the 80's above average for Belmont County.

We weren't starving, we could afford nice clothes, we could afford the latest video game systems (e.g. Colecovision, Atari 2600, Intellivision) and we could even afford a nice pair of $100 Air Jordans every time back-to-school season came around.

"So, you had two cars, two kids in school and a wife that was a homemaker, correct?" I continued.

My Dad nodded.

"You also had credit card payments, a mortgage, utility payments, gas to fill up both cars and cable bills, right?"

"We didn't have cable," he said.

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot," I said, duly noting my faux paus. "Well, despite all of these payments and a one-income family, did you ever have any money left over after you paid the bills?"

"Oh yeah," My dad exclaimed. Then he thought about this for a moment and said, "We probably had an extra $100 to $200 to spare."

"Every month?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Every week."

I did a spittake of beer, which sprayed all over my mortgage, my utitity bills, my car payments and my gas payments...and my dad.

My dad's story just goes to prove my point...a little bit.

Back in the 80's, and even possibly the early 90's, money went a long way. And 'by a long way' I mean you could pay for all of your bills and even have some scratch left over to do something fun - like say going to the movies, or even heading out to Cedar Point....WORRY FREE!

Nowadays, more or less, we're making the same amount of money that people made back in the 80's and early 90's. However, we're paying out much, much more to the government, the gas station man, the utility man and, sadly,  the credit card man.

Okay, maybe we're making a teeny-tiny bit more. But, it doesn't make any difference. Show me a married couple with kids that's making $100,000 a year or less, and I'll show you a couple that's struggling to make ends meet.

Seriously. It's fucking expensive to live.

Check this out, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s annual report on Income, Poverty and Health Insurance Coverage in the United States, real median household income in 2010 was $49,445, a 2.3 percent drop from 2009. Since 2007, real median household income has dropped 6.4 percent.

Forty-nine thousand four hundred and forty-five dollars? That's about $4,120 a month. About $950 a week. AND THAT'S BEFORE TAXES!!!!!!

Let me be the first to say, "That fucking sucks!"

I shared this newfound knowledge with my wife the other day. She took it in, thought about it for a couple minutes, than simply said

"That's terrible," she said. "How would you live? How could you live?"

She's right. Obviously people are living. They're eating and scraping by. Some may even be living relatively comfortable by budgeting the money that comes in, and working a second job.

But, there are many families living below that median income as well, which is scary.

Gone are the days when the wife (or husband) stays at home to raise the kids - all the while not making some sort of money (In-House Day Care perhaps?). It seems nowadays you need a two-person income to simply make ends meet in this high-inflation world.

And, speaking of inflation, if we're going by this article in the New York Times, food and gasoline prices are continuously on the rise in the United States, it ain't going to get any easier to pay for these things.

And I'm not going to even talk about peak oil or paying for my kids' college education or my (shudder) 401K.

Those are three little jokes that I'll have to save for another entry.

I'm not sure why I decided to write about this topic. Maybe it's been on my mind for a couple weeks, a couple years, a couple decades. No matter how hard you try to get out of 'owing the man', the man keeps pushing you back down.

Well, gotta go.

How to Make it In America is on HBO.

It's time to get schooled.

Money. GOING, Going, gone.

During my freshman year at Ohio State University, my parents and I made a deal. I didn’t have to get a job. Instead they would send me $40 a week and I would get one of those cafeteria passes where, basically, you have a number of meal passes. After that, I was on my own.

Unlike a lot of current college freshman in 2007, a majority of freshmen (at least the poor ones) in the early 90's didn’t have a credit card (until, of course they filled out an application on campus). Maybe, possibly, a savings account (for spring break). But definitely a checking account (to bounce checks). I had a checking account.

Usually I would receive my $40 check in the mail on Friday afternoon. I considered it a personal challenge to extend that money almost all the way to next Friday. Most of the time I failed. But, sometimes I would have a couple extra dollars left over. And I went out and drank almost every night, ate a bunch of fast food and went to see a number of movies! Basically, it averages out to $5 bucks and some change per day. It's like a weird episode of Twilight Zone how I was able to do that. It still racks my brain to this day.

But, you know what I’d like to know? When was the exact time, year or date when everything started to cost either $100 or $1,000?

It's funny because I really don’t buy anything anymore for myself. I buy stuff, but it's not for me personally - if you get my drift. I mean, I’m still wearing some of the same Old Navy clothes that I bought six years ago.

But when it comes to everyday things, the money just pours out of my ass like a bas case of the runs. I went to get the oil changed on my car. It turned out all four tires were bald so I had to get 4 new tires. BAM! $1,000. I had to buy a riding lawn mower because the used one my dad got for me broke down. BAM! $1,000.

Rent/Mortgage is $1,000. Car payment for two cars is $1,000. Car insurance is $100($1000 for the year). When I go out to dinner, it costs $100. (It doesn’t matter how much or little I order – after the tip it’s always $100.) When we go to the grocery to pick up diapers, even if we have some small candles, a box of spaghetti and a box of cereal and diapers – it somehow costs $100. Doctor’s appointment... $100. Computer supplies...$100. Everything is either $100 or $1,000. And that’s it!

In the future, I’m going to think back on those $40 weeks in the dorms and bitch to my future grandkids.

"You know what," I’ll tell them. "Your granddaddy used to live off of $40 a week in college."

"Oooooh." and "Aaaaahh" will escape from their mouths as they huddle around the living room in my assisted living facility waiting, with bated breath, for me to say something else poetic.

Then the nurse pumps me full of morphine and a trickle of slobber runs down my lip. Before I drift off to sleep, the nurse puts her hand down the back of my pants, takes out my wallet and pulls out $100.

Dammit!