Monday, September 29, 2008

Death and Paul Newman.

I heard that Paul Newman passed away on Friday

In no particular order, off the top of my head my top-five Paul Newman movies are:
- Butch Cassiday and the Sundance Kid
- The Hustler
- The Color of Money
- Cool Hand Luke
- Nobody’s Fool

If you haven’t heard about his death, then you’re a pop-culture retard. But, this entry isn’t about how great Paul Newman was, if you want that you can read it here, here or here.

Nope. This entry is about death.

When I heard Mr. Newman passed away, I read that he was surrounded by his family and close friends, including his wife of 50 years, actress Joanne Woodward.

What a crazy picture. Being surrounded by your sobbing, long-faced loved ones as you take in your last breath.

Seems a bit surreal if you ask me. Maybe it won't be, however, if/when I continue to get older.

Eventually, everyone we know is going to have to go through something exactly like this, including ourselves.

Knowing that we’re going to die. Knowing that the next breath may be our last.

When? Where? Why? How? Those are the unknown answers to this fascinating puzzle.

Hell, it’s what keeps me moving daily and trying to achieve my personal goals in life.

In a way, it’s frightening.

In a way, it’s a bit depressing.

In a way, I suppose it’s necessary.

I wonder what people discuss during that last hour in their life?

I wonder if you discuss your past, your childhood and your dreams that went unfulfilled?

I wonder if you talk about your past loves, your children growing up, all the different sights you’ve seen and witnessed while on this Earth?

I wonder what Paul Newman and his family were talking about that last hour before his death?

No one will really knows.

But I can bet you one thing.

Even though he was a major movie star, I’m 100% certain that it wasn’t about work.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

One-Sentence Movie Reviews; Football Season Edition

When your favorite college or pro team is down in the dumps (ahem Ohio State?), look to these movies to, hopefully, cheer you up. Or piss you off more.

Smart People
Dennis Quaid plays Michael Douglas, but poorly, in a remake of 2000's Wonder Boys.

The Fall
Take The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, mix it with The Princess Bride and Pan's Labyrinth and you've got this creative, eye-candy from a one-name director (Tarsem!).

Undeclared: The Complete Series
It's Freaks and Geeks in college minus the good story lines.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
I only laughed a couple times which is a bit gay in itself considering it's an Adam Sandler comedy.

The Astronaut Farmer
Billy Bob Thornton and the Polish Brothers makes me want to rush out and acheive my dreams.

The Promotion
Reminded me of the movie Election...but in a supermarket...and not as good.

The Search for John Gissing
The Office this ain't.

The Bank Job
Jason Statham finally makes a good movie.

Freaks & Geeks: The Complete Series
One of the best TV series of the past 10 years.

Sex and Death 101
The guy who wrote and directed Heathers hits and misses with this dark comedy starring Winona Ryder.

The Ruins
If JAWS were a plant, he would be in this fun, yet stupid, horror movie.

The TV Set
A entertaining, dark-comedy about the television industry.

The Signal
28 Days Later mixed with Dawn of the Dead, mixed with Stephen King's book Cell equals shit on a stick.

The first 40 minutes were awesome and that sucks because it's a two-hour movie.

Weeds: Season 3
This great series has yet to jump the shark.

Michael Clayton
A good political thriller starring everyone that's anyone in the movie industry.

Lars and the Real Girl
Surprisingly fun movie about a blow-up doll.

Monday, September 15, 2008 10-day outlook

With summer coming to a close, distant memories of my Puerto Rican honeymoon, the Buckeyes getting their ass kicked by USC and the remnants of Hurricane Ike blowing the shit out of Ohio last night, I opened up my 10-day outlook on and found this staring back at me....

(click to enlarge)

You know....sometimes life is good.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Fight! FIght! FIght! Fight!

So, a couple weeks ago, my wife and I got into a fight.

She would lob scream grenades my way.

I would run behind the couch and duck for cover.

She would aim rapid-fire machine-gun tirades towards my eardrums.

I would dive behind the refrigerator and wait for the shelling to stop.

For some stupid reason the conversation turned to our freedom as individuals outside of being parents.

Then there was a brief silence. I decided to make my move.

"Well," I shouted to the rooftops. "I don't get to do everything I want in this world!"

"Really?" she asked crossing her arms already awaiting a response. "Now, please. Tell me. What don't you get to do?"

I thought really, really hard. I searched up and down my memory banks for the perfect answer.

Then, it hit me. It was the mother lode!!!

"Well if you must know," I retorted. "I really don't get to go to Cedar Point or attend carnivals as much as I would like to."

She rolled her eyes, uncrossed her arms, and walked out of the room.

Victory was mine that day.

Victory was mine.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

My Alzheimer Zombie Movie Idea

I thought up a good idea for an HBO mini-series that mixes Dawn of the Dead, The Lord of the Flies, Logan’s Run, Children of Men, The Road and Away From Her

Working title: DISORDER

With the ever-increasing occurrence of Early-Onset Alzheimer’s - in some cases affecting people that are only 30 and 40 years old - I was asking myself this question:

What if Alzheimer’s became a national pandemic affecting people as early as 21?

What if, somehow, the body contracted this rare form of dementia right after puberty? What if you were handed your death sentence before life even started?

It’s a very scary thought.

If that were the case, we’d have a lot of people roaming the countryside just walking around, not remembering where they came from or what happened yesterday.

It would be a frightening and crazy world.

Industry would collapse. Water pipelines would burst. Nature would slowly, but surely, begin to take over.

Now, for all those that haven’t been keeping up on current events, that’s more than ¾ of the population would be walking around with the dementia.

And they would be looking for something to eat.

Something tasty.

Something easy to grab and gnaw on.

Something human.

DISORDER would center around a group of young kids traveling from city-to-city figthing off the ‘infected’. They heard through the grapevine (we can work on this) that scientists found a cure but it’s on the other side of the country. Seattle - the home of grunge - perhaps?

And they have to make their way across the United States to get to the eventual ‘cure’. If there’s any at all.

In addition to a cast of characters (a’ la Robin Hood’s Merry band of thieves all with their own stories to tell concering their parents which could be provided a' la LOST flashback style) there would be a love interest between two of the older leaders, who are fast approaching the puberty deadline.

What will happen to the couple? Will everything end in disaster? Will the world end? So many questions will be answered on the new HBO mini-series DISORDER.

The title is indicative of a lack regular arrangement; confusion. In the way the kid's are living. In the way this disease has taken over the Earth, for the worst.

But the title also gives hope that ORDER, in the form of a cure, is hopefully somewhere out there.

In addition to controversy, this miniseries would create an open discussion on Early Onset Alzheimer’s. Perhaps we could convince HBO to donate 20% off all DVD sales to the Alzheimer’s Assocation.

Attention Hollywood; I'm starting bids at $150,000.

Oh yeah, copyright 2008 by Eimer. (So, don’t even think about it!)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Will The Road Win Best Picture?

About a week ago, my good buddy and fellow movie geek Mac sent me an e-mail.

There was no subject line.

After I clicked on the e-mail, the copy inside simply read…

August 26, 2008. I'm going on the record and saying "The Road" will sweep the Oscars this year.

That’s it. No other copy.

Simple. Tactful. And to the point.

No “Hey, how’s it going good buddy!” or “How’s the kids?” or “Hey what do you think about Obama?”

Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-man bellowing a Mayan 2012-like prediction that The Road will sweep the Oscars this year.

I soaked the e-mail in, took a couple blinks and hit delete.

After logging off the computer for four-straight days, enjoying the Labor Day weekend, mowing the lawn, drinking a couple beers and giving my dog a bath, I’ve thought about his prediction a bit and I have this to say…

Not Gonna Happen.

Now, I’m not trying to be negative or mean or anything like that. I’ve thought long and hard about this and I’m prepared to give my reasons:

Judging by the screenplay review that he sent, I think this movie is going to be too much of a bitch slap to the members of the Academy. The plot is way too dark. The characters are bleak. There doesn’t seem to be any humor whatsoever.

It's going to be a different type of movie.

In short, it’s gonna be like Fight Club, Se7en, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Reservoir Dogs, Blade Runner or even Empire Strikes Back. Fantastic stories. Great direction. Great acting. Simply great films. And cult classics to boot.

But simply overlooked by the Academy for reasons out of our understanding. I mean, I’m still trying to figure out how Forrest Gump beat out Pulp Fiction for Best Picture during the 1995 Academy Awards.

In a nutshell, I think that’s what's going to happen with The Road.

Do I think it will be nominated? Without seeing one piece of film, I’m going to say Hell Yeah.

With Director John Hillcoat (The Proposition) at the helm, cinematographer Javier Aguirresarobe (The Others, Talk to Her) working behind the lens, a kick-ass screenplay adaptation of McCarthy's novel by semi-newcomer Joe Penhall not mention reading a New York Times article about the final days of s of shooting, I’m thinking it's going to be a fantastic movie.

Also, had No Country For Old Men not swept the Oscars last year, I might be onboard for my good buddy’s prediction. But, I’m thinking some other type of cream might rise to the top this year.

Something a little less depressing.

Something a bit more uplifting.

Something not as dark.

Something that doesn’t have people eating infants

With that, I'm going to one-up my good buddy Mac and give my predictions for the five Academy-award best picture nominees for the 81st Academy Awards…

The Road
Read all about what I thought about the book right here. I’m predicting nominations for screenplay, cinematography and acting.

The Dark Knight
Christopher Nolan’s darkly Frank Miller-esque take on the bat is simply too good to not get the Academy’s notice. Expect a post-humus acting nod for Ledger as well.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
I’ve written about it here and am convinced that Director David Fincher will chisel his almost 4-hour over-blown opus into an easily watchable 2 ½ hour masterpiece.

Miracle at St. Anna
Spike Lee’s World War II epic - based on author James McBride's fiction book - about black U.S. infantrymen trapped behind enemy lines in an Italian village with the Nazis closing in.

Revolutionary Road
Sam Mendes directs Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio as a 1950’s couple trying to escape the everyday conventions of their small-town life.

So there you have it. Let’s see where the dust settles in 7 months during the 81st Academy Awards ceremony.

So, what do you think?