So, early last year, I started a Twitter account called #1SentenceMovieReview.
I was hoping that it would be my meal ticket out of here. I was hoping that I could make my millions off the great press and advertising from all the hits I was going to receive. I was hoping I could retire - and live the rest of my life in Puerto Rico posting movie reviews from the comfort of my own beach house, which I would call Eimer Lagoon.
Well, as my 15 followers and hardly any Twitter shares can attest, the experiment isn't going exactly as planned. However, I might as well see this little experiment through for the next couple years. If anything, it's a nice writing challenge to try and be succinct, funny and provocative in 140 characters or less.
So, with links to my twitter account, I give you the 15 worst movies I watched in 2014. Keep in mind, these are not necessarily 2014 movies, but movies I viewed in 2014 that I hated (hence the word 'experiences').
’22 Jump Street’: The gang's all back but it’s never a good sign when the end credits are wittier, snarkier & funnier than the entire movie.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 5, 2014
‘Into the Storm’: Despite the inspiring CG 'tornado of fire', this TWISTER-wannabe deserves a permanent trip ... into the crapper.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 3, 2014
'Hercules': Poor acting, meh battles, crappy SFX and blah storyline made me yearn for Kevin Sorbo's TV series & Lou Ferrigno's 1983 film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 7, 2014
‘Pompeii’: Mix GLADIATOR with TITANIC, then sprinkle in an active volcano, shitty acting & crappy SFX to create this vile pile of lava poo.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 4, 2014
'The Rover': Aussie post-economic collapse revenge flick that's humdrum & lumbering with little dialogue, violent tinges and an okay ending.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) October 21, 2014
'Willow Creek': It's a blatant BLAIR WITCH PROJECT ripoff that reeks like a pile of #Bigfoot poo.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) October 15, 2014
'The Amazing Spider-Man 2': When you & your kids are wondering when the movie is going to end you know you're watching a bad superhero film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) September 22, 2014
'The Other Woman': Female empowerment takes a blow thanks to this chick-flick with a vapid plot that could only be contrived in Hollywood.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) September 2, 2014
'Rio 2': Going from first to second, this creatively stuffed bird has lost its fancy plumage.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) August 8, 2014
'You're Next': Not another sub-par, slightly-bloody home invasion movie with bad guys brandishing knives & wearing funny creature masks.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 16, 2014
'Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues': The KVWN channel 4 news team is back, with a thin plot & many recycled jokes you saw in the first film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 1, 2014
‘Incredible Burt Wonderstone’: Pulling a turd out of a hat is more entertaining than this d’illusional magician comedy.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 17, 2014
'The Heat': McCarthy & Bullock play two very different cops as they try for Beverly Hills Cop laughs, but only manage Turner & Hooch.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 14, 2014
'The Lone Ranger': Even Johnny Depp as Tonto can't save this lengthy, plodding and all-around Ke-mo Slop-ee film.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) March 4, 2014
'Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters': It's Harry Potter in the water … with a tip of the hat to Pinocchio.
— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) April 7, 2014
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