My eyes
popped open from my deep sleep. I looked over at the clock. It was 3:20 a.m.
The stress
of buying a new home, changing jobs and being a literary success took its toll
on my brain.
After tossing and turning in bed for an hour and a half, I thought
to myself, "Fuck it, I’m going on a run."
I quietly skirted out of my bed,
tip-toed around the house to grab my running gear and quietly slipped out of the
house.
Like a chef
walking into a meat freezer, a cool breeze hit my face and took my breath away. I stared in awe at the darkened Bath night.
“Where are you UFO’s?” I thought to myself. “Will I ever see you before I die?”
With that
last thought, I hopped into the car, clicked on the ignition and slowly
careened out of my driveway.
I pulled
into Bath Nature Preserve around 3:50 a.m. for an impromptu illegal run (hours
are from dawn to dusk). So here I
was. The darkness enveloped the entire sky. The skitters and scampers of little
forest creatures could be heard in the distance. But that was it. The air was
still. I could see my breath misting in the cool air.
To be
honest, I was a bit creeped out.
“Maybe I’ll just get back in the car
and drive over to the high school and do a couple laps on the track,” I thought to myself.
“Pffft,” the little Eimer devil whispered on my shoulder. “Are you really going to be that big of a
pussy?”
“Nooo,” I said to my evil doppelganger, then
pulled a 180. “Fuck it, I’m already here.
What’s the worse thing that could happen?”
I could die. Gulp!
Thankfully,
I had my trusty Energizer Headlamp with four unique shine frequencies,
including infrared lens. Yeah, it was dark, but I would be safe and sound as
long as my headlamp remained on for my 3.5-mile night run.
"Right?"
I set my
watch and took off down the dark grainy path. In the distance to East, I saw
the slightest spit of light from the Fairlawn shopping center. No sign of the sun trying to pull itself out of the darkness. Too early I guessed.
The trail
took me through a field.
I felt a slight tickling at my back and thought about
the 'thing' from JEEPERS CREATURES. The thing
that could fly in the air. The thing
with the cowboy hat. The thing
with the dusty MATRIX-like coat. The thing
that likes to use people’s bones to create an altar.
Anticipating an aerial assault, I lurched my
neck back and forth shining the light from here to there. No JEEPERS.
No CREEPERS.
I continued to run and cut off down a gravel hill, which connected to a rough the horse
trail - a trail that was separated to the right by a huge pillar of pine trees
and oaks and horse pastures to the left. I noticed a huge mansion, outdoor lights glowing in the distance. Yeah, I was in Bath after all.
I descended
the hill and my near-sightedness kicked into high gear as I noticed a black spot down the way. The blur became the
creature from XTRO, the alien creature
that dropped from the sky and raped a woman with its mouth. A horror that still
haunts me to this day. I ignored
the lump of whatever on the ground. It may have hissed at me. I picked up my
steps and glided by the creature before it could impregnate me with its nasty-eating
orifice.
The horse
trail careened up a hill. My breathing deeper and shallower, I huffed and
puffed up a like the Little Engine That Could; the flashlight on my head bobbing
up and down, up and down illuminating the ground in a wobbly, almost-BLAIR
WITCH PROJECT-type of cinema verite.
I ran up a
forty-five degree incline near the natural gas pump, one of six that lay in the
Bath Nature Preserve. To my left, a strange formation stepped out of the woods, it
looked to me like the possessed goat in DRAG
ME TO HELL. I remembered
the white eyes. The satanic look. The immediate hunger for human flesh. My
heart began to race as I passed the creature that lay before me...
...only a deer.
It gave out
a snort and took off into the woods. That’s when I felt my heart beating more
than the required 200 beats per minute. The buck snorted, once again, and shot
off into another section of the woods.
I hung a
left down an old grassy trail, which connected, back again with the main
running trail, and approached
an old wooden bridge.
In the darkness, it almost appeared like a moat
bridge from CASTLE GREYSKULL inviting me to commiserate with the likes of
He-Man, Man-At-Arms, Beast Man and, more importantly, She-Ra to discuss the political situations with Skeletor on Planet Eternia over a pint of mead.
Then, my
mind immediately shifted to think the story of BILLY GOATS GRUFF; more
importantly the troll that lurked beneath the bridge. "Could there
be a troll underneath this bridge?" I thought as I clopped, clopped, clopped underneath
the wooden slats, I overheard the stream gently bubbling underneath my feet.
Then I heard a rustle. Then I did a 180-degree turn and high-tailed it off the
bridge back to the trial and up the hill. I imagined the angry CAVE TROLL from THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, pulling
itself from the wooden bridge, goblins by its side, as it ripped and tore the
sides of the bridge and quickly reached the nape of my neck.
I yanked my
head back. Nothing. I let out a sigh and continued on my journey.
About two
miles into my run, I was getting into my groove. Heart beat at 180 or slightly
higher, half a yard steps, even breathing and a nice 9:00 pace (hey, I’m not
trying to break any world records, here). The darkness grew more ominous as I
entered an overlap of trees and slightly into the denser forest.
I heard a
faint rustle in the woods to my right. I shined the light into the weeds. Deep
in the distance a faint shadow appeared. Memories of AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON shot through my skull. The scene where
the man is heading up the escalator and scans down the steps to see the hulking
werewolf slowly, almost casually, heading toward its prey.
Which reminded me of a story...
When I was a
little kid, we had two sets of stairs in our house. The first set of steps ran
up from the kitchen and pantry into the upstairs bedroom, which I shared with my
brother. Every single time I walked down those steps I was convinced a demonic
Gladiator Centaur with bow and arrow in hand was going to shoot out of the attic door,
pull three of four fiery arrows from his sheath and, in a machine gun cadence, proceed to shoot them towards my back. Convinced this was going to happen, I
always sprinted down the steps like a boy possessed.
The second
set of steps headed down into the basement. The steps had openings beneath each step. No carpet, no wood, just functional steps. Going
down into the basement was never a problem. However, heading upstairs, was a
big problem. I was convinced that as I reached the sixth set of steps, the WEREWOLF from THE HOWLING was going to shoot his hand through the open slats, snatch my ankle and squeeze with all its
might. Convinced this was going to happen, I always bounded up the basement
steps like a boy possessed – as well. "Why do you do that?!!" my mother would always scream.
Back to the night run...
My pace quickened.
My blood pressure felt like it shot up another 10 points. Goosebumps covered my
entire body anticipating a strike from the beast in the woods. However, after
another inspection with my trusty light, the shadow revealed itself to be a
large boulder. Phew! Instant death diverted once again.
I careened
off the bike path and onto a dirt, running trail past a gargantuan steel dragon.
The JABBERWOCKY from Alice in Wonderland???!!!! No, only the steel pulsing of a
gas well going up and down, up and down. Chugging gas from the ground up into
its steel basin.
The trail
careened into an even darker forested umbrella. Blackness covered me like a cold blanket of
Death. I clicked the highest shine function on my Energizer Headlamp.
The crunch of my steps on the hard pebbles and rocks was the only sound
echoing into the eerie, wooded terror land. I thought of
the movie PUMPKINHEAD. The green
creature spawned by hate from some section of hell. I thought about the CENOBITES from HELLRAISER, led
by Pinhead, the unflinching psychopaths from Hades. The things that wanted to tear your soul
apart. I glanced over into what I knew was an empty, dried up bog. For an instant, I thought I
saw the menacing creatures waiting in the woods. Waiting for me to slightly
step off the trail so they could tear my body from limb to limb, ripping each
and every piece of my body until only a puddle of blood remained.
I closed my eyes. “Just movies,” I said to
myself. “Only movies.” I opened my eyes and the creatures were gone.
Again, wanting this run to be over, I quickened
my pace once again as I set up another hill, which turned slightly into a concrete path before
opening up into a field of wheat, or hay, or simply tall grass. I wasn’t sure. I ran into a
plume of fog, which slightly cooled my body. It felt like I was running into a
thousand deathly souls roaming the Earth.
For a moment
I was expecting the creature DARKNESS from the movie LEGEND to come through the
fog, through the smoke; inserting his
scabbard hand into my heart and ripping it into pieces.
This was
supposed to be a 30-minute repast during my day. It was supposed to be my
relaxing three-mile run. Instead, it was my own personal internal hell. My own personal demons terrorizing my every step.
Which reminds me...
Sometimes
during my run, I think about death. I think about possibly dying when I’m older
on one of these trails. Will my body be found? Will it lie there and slowly
decay for years and years? What will people think when they come upon it?
Sometimes,
even during my day runs, I look back and imagine a black figure gliding
effortlessly through the trail, 50 yards or so behind me, matching my pace,
waiting, anticipating that moment when I trip, my heart skips, I have a stroke
or I simply stop breathing.
Back on the trail...
I came around
the turn and approached a ubiquitous shadow; a blurry figure walking closer to
me. This was the time that I wished for my glasses, or contacts or the fucking
Lasik eye surgery. Anything for me to focus on the image in front of me.
Was this my
time? Was this my death? Was that the GRIM REAPER from THE MEANING OF LIFE with his long scythe waiting
patiently for me to finish my run. Waiting patiently to take me away from my
family, my kids and my not-so-bad life?
“Excuse me,” the creature said. Only it wasn’t a
creature.
“Huh,” I said startled as I slowed to a
brief walk, then stopped in front of the man’s face. He was an older gentleman,
about 60 or 65. A just-as-old golden retriever stood next to him panting a
rather jolly pant.
“Do you know how to get back to the
main bike trail?”
I nodded and
pointed in the direction I came. “Follow
this loop and it will take you back to the trail.”
“Thank you so much,” the man said petting the top of his
dog’s head. An odd
two-second silence whisked between us. My mind started again. I imagined a
knife in his back pocket. I imagined the OLDER GENTELMAN from the movie LET THE RIGHT ONE IN. The guy who killed in order to accumulate fresh blood for his young vampire
princess. I took a
slight step back from the man and the dog, which looked a bit angrier from the
last second I looked at him.
“A little creepy out at this time of
day, eh?” asked the
old man.
I nodded.
“Your mind can play some crazy tricks
on you that’s for sure” he said.
“You’re telling me,” I said. “Be careful.”
“Oh, I’m fine,” the old man laughed and patted his
loyal dog on top of the head. “That’s why
I have her to protect me.”
I looked at
the dog and through about my dog, Otto; a loyal Rottweiler-Doberman mix that was
the best dog in the world.
“Well, have a good run,” the old man smiled and started on
his way. “And thank you.”
“You too,” I said and headed off to my car.
During my
half-mile run back to my car, I thought about the old man. I thought about the
ghosts and goblins that tormented my mind. I thought about my life, my dreams,
my family and my job.
I thought
about all the scary things that this world can throw at you day in and day out. And all of the things on this Earth that can just as easily take you away from it all.
I thought
about my mother whispering in my ear before heading off to school. “Heck, every time you step outside of
your house, you can get killed,” she said. “Just think
of all the ways you can die in a day...”
For some
reason those comments have stuck in my mind.
Today, I was
able to outrun and outfox Pumpkinhead, the Cave Troll, the American Werewolf in
London, the grim specter of Death and other creatures lingering and lurking in
the back of my brain.
Tomorrow, I
may not be so lucky.
Maybe I’ll
go on an afternoon run instead.
