Thursday, October 28, 2010

50 Movies. 50 Horrors. 50 Murderers

So, this is what I was talking about a couple weeks ago:
Guess all the movies...WIN my respect.
Stumped? Check out the Cheat Sheet below.

(click image to enlarge)

I know. I know. I missed: The Terminator, Basket Case, Gremlins, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Little Shop of Horrors, Medusa, Jeepers Creepers, Re-Animator, Pumpkinhead, The Hills Have Eyes, Puppet Master and The Phantom of the Opera.

Any others?

However, as space dictates, I can only draw five more (to officially be poster size). Give me your best five in the comments and I'll draw them, toss them in the poster. Then start selling officially signed prints.
Oh, and by the way, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!


Carrie - Friday the 13th - Mummy - Dracula - Misery - Troll - Alien - The Blob - A Clockwork Orange - I Know What You Did Last Summer

Frankenstein - Silence of the Lambs - Hellraiser - The Wolfman - Bride of Frankenstein - The Invisible Man - Jack Frost - Saw - The Thing - Cujo

Creature from the Black Lagoon - Poltergeist - 2001 A Space Odyssey - Halloween - Night of the Living Dead - Child's Play - The Exorcist - American Psycho - Predator - Tremors

Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Pan's Labyrinth - Candyman - Critters - Sleepy Hollow - It -Scream - A Nightmare on Elm Street - Jaws - Changeling

The Shining - The Omen - Psycho - The Ring - Leprechaun - Texas Chainsaw Massacre - The Fly - Phantasm - The Descent - Village of the Damned

Monday, October 25, 2010

Eimer's Best Netflix Reviews - Mr. Brooks

Judging from everyone I talked to concerning this film, I thought Mr. Brooks was going to be fucking awesome.

However, about halfway in, I found myself experiencing the reverse. I was a bit bored and annoyed with the five different plot points in the film:
  • Kevin Costner being a serial killer
  • Demi Moore divorcing her ex-husband
  • Dane Cook wanting to be a serial killer
  • Costner's daughter
  • And let's not forget the escape of another serial killer from prison.
A book would have been a better way to go with this than a movie. There's just too much content to weave a plausible storyline.

One idea would be to just focus on Mr. Brooks and his daughter, have William Hurt and police officer Demi Moore come in halfway through and set the movie in the daughter's college town. Without giving too much away, that alone would make a suspenseful two hour flick.

Although the movie looked pretty in terms of production, cinematography and direction, I wasn't fooled. Duo directors Evans and Gideon were looking to make a serial killeresque LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS, or even a PULP FICTION mass murderer flick.

But, instead these two chickens laid a big, fat, brown turd.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Eimer's Best Netflix Reviews - The Illustrated Man

I was very disappointed in this movie.

After reading Ray Bradbury's book of the same name, I was expecting so much more from this flick, which highlighted three of the better short stories from the book.

Director Jack Smight completely bastardizes and rewrites two of the vignettes (The Last Day of the World and The Long Rain) and fails to capture the essence of the other (The Veldt).

'Hey man quit comparing the book to the movie,' you might scream. Well, the movie does not stand on its own either. Overacted, over-directed, under-produced, and extremely under budget, there's too much focus on the story of Illustrated Man and not enough on the fascinating stories from Bradbury.

The whole idea of the Illustrated Man was to serve a unique way to deliver his collection of short stories (a' la the Crypt Keeper from TALES FROM THE CRYPT). That's it. Speaking of the stories, they could have been a lot better had they followed the same plot structure as the novel. I will give props to the director for innovatively casting Steiger and Bloom in all three chapters. That's about it. Don't waste your time on this one. Pick up the book instead.

Grade: D-

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Review of The Social Network

My buddy Mac, who has reviewed a couple movies for this blog in it's three-year existence, just sent me a very positive review of The Social Network directed by David Fincher and written by Aaron Sorkin.

So, here it goes:

Many fans of David Fincher became fans after watching movies like ‘Seven’ and ‘Fight Club’. There was something about those movies that was very dark and bleak like some sort of haunted Film Noir. Something else you will notice about those two particular Fincher films is the fact that there are almost no exterior scenes with sunshine.


That’s the feeling you get while watching the opening credits of David Fincher’s new film: ‘The Social Network’. The soundtrack by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross sets the tone and you realize you’re in for something serious. Aaron Sorkin’s script about the creators of Facebook is based off of the book “The Accidental Billionaires” by Ben Mezrich, which I’m sure is just the one sided story of the truth. However it serves for interesting cinema.

The two main characters of course are Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin, the two undergrads at Harvard who started Facebook seven years ago from their dorm room. Zuckerberg is portrayed as a boy genius who can talk faster than Martin Scorsese but if he was graded on his social skills (especially with girls) he would get a D. Saverin seems more sympathetic and likeable but it’s what Fincher and Sorkin do with these two that makes you feel uneasy and fascinated at the same time.

Then, you throw the best performance Justin Timberlake has ever done in his life on top of that and you feel like you are definitely watching one of the best movies of the year. I personally don’t mind J.T. but I wasn’t expecting him to be all that. But he takes the character of Sean Parker, the young co-founder of Napster who seeks out Zuckerberg and Saverin after discovering Facebook, and knocks it out of the park. You realize that Sean Parker plays a major part of the story line and thus becomes an important character and if not done right could collapse the movie. So, I half to give it up to Timberlake because he was solid as a rock and the acting in this movie was top-shelf all around so if J.T. was bad he would’ve stood out like a sore thumb but he held his own and then some with every actor he shared a scene with.

There are over 600 million people on Facebook today and most of this entire story takes place before 2006 before I even heard of Facebook. The richest people today are the TechGods, the guys who started Google, the guys who started Yahoo, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and so on…so even if ‘The Social Network’ is not 100% accurate I bet my bottom dollar that this story is similar to other computer geeks who struck it big in the technology world and then were too socially inept to save their only honest friendships from greed and jealousy.

Fincher has brought The Social Network to light and you will probably see him walking the red in his dark tuxedo this award season and watch out because there’s a good chance there won’t be any sunshine on Oscar day either.

Thanks Mac!

Eimer's Best Netflix Reviews - ERASER (1996)

Hello and welcome to Iron Chef where todays ingredients are for a paint-by-numbers action flick called Eraser.

STEP ONE: Take an action star and a person in trouble. For a spicier taste, make one white and the other black.

STEP TWO: Mix in some sort of plot involving sex, guns, drugs, family, revenge or money.

STEP THREE: Sprinkle in some explosions, some witty dialogue and a couple catch phrases.

STEP FOUR: Make the bad guy get his just desserts in the end.

STEP FIVE: Add a happy ending and make the two people embrace. (If its two men: they shake hands exchange witty banter. If its a woman and a man: they kiss.)

STEP SIX: Simmer for two hours. Voila! You have just created almost every action movie ever made (i.e. LETHEL WEAPON 1-4, DIE HARD 1-3, RUSH HOUR, BAD BOYS, PUNISHER etc.) In my personal opinion, this flick starring Arnold Shwarzenneger (white) and Vanessa Williams (black) signified the end of the action movie, at least for a while.

In addition to all of the above ingredients, it's very predictable, very bland and very so-so of a movie. I'm so bored, I cant even go on.

Grade: D

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

A Wonderful, Awful Halloween Idea

A couple days ago, I was doodling during a meeting and drew the following picture:

Then, like the Grinch peering down at the Whos in Whoville...I got an idea.

An awful idea!

I got a wonderful, awful idea, that I'm working on now and will have to show on this blog and other outlets sometime during the week...before Halloween.

Friday, October 1, 2010

If I had a time machine....

As the weather turns, and the landscape begins to change from glorious green to rapturous orange and red; as I was driving to work my mind reverted back to The Time Machine.

No, not the turdy remake starring Guy Pearce. Not the not-so-funny-that-I-hoped-would-be-funny Hot Tub Time Machine starring John Cusack (oh, how the film heroes of our 80's have fallen).

I'm talking about the original The Time Machinethe film that was made exactly 50 years ago starring Rod Tayler(playing the author H.G. Wells) and the sleestack/The Fog looking-creatures that kept me tossing, turning and glancing under my bed when I was very, very young.

Okay, they still keep me up at night.

Then I thought about what would happen if I had a Time Machine. And had only one option of either going ahead 1,000 years to 3010 or in reverse to 1910 to live out the remainder of my life.

Which would I choose?

Believe it or not, both have their advantages-and 'disses' too!

If I picked 1910, I could take the knowledge of the future back and make a ton of money. For instance, I could get in on the aviation thing, use my knowledge of the upcoming World Wars, horses and other Sport Almanac stuff a' la Back to the Future 2 to make my fortune. Then, I would take my money, travel West to Las Vegas (which actually becomes a city in the year 1911) and open a ton of gambling parlors and brothels for all the cowboys, and myself.

One key negative: I'm almost 40 and back in the 1900's we wouldn't have had the medicine or medical technology to keep people alive too long. (Unless I invented it.) Some sites the average age of death in 1900 was 47 years old. Others say 57 for men and 69 for women. Whatever the true number, everyone died younger than in 2010.

Or, I could choose to fast-forward to 3010 and see what's become of the Earth. Are we still here? What new technology have we come up with? Did the UFOs finally return and for the Alien Rapture? What's going on over in Israel - is everyone still pissed off at each other. And (gulp!) is the United States even at the top of the economic food chain or did this country fall like the Roman Empire?

One key negative: What if humans are wiped out by a plague or an attack by aliens? What if a giant metor hit the Earth in 2030 and the atmospheric conditions somehow changed (e.g. an overabundance of methane gas). The second that I appear in the 3010 - I could instantly die! (Which wouldn't be too cool at all.)

However, even before I thought up this question for this post, I already knew the would be 3010 baby!

I guess the biggest downer about death is not really knowing what's going to happen in the future after you're gone.

I guess, for some people (i.e. stock brokers, gamblers, physicists), that's the biggest downer about living in the present too.

Just curious which one would you pick? Why?