Great Gonzo! Gotta Grab that Gorilla Glue!

When I walk into Home Depot - or any store for that matter - it takes a lot for me to get excited about any specific product, even jerk lube.

You buy it – then you either wear it, use it or eat it. Then you throw it away. That’s that. End of story.

But there's this new product on the market that's gotten me really excited about life. It's called Gorilla Glue.

For all of you totally unaware of Gorilla Glue, it’s no big deal. It’s only THE TOUGHEST FUCKING GLUE ON THIS PLANET. I'll spare you the history lesson, but Gorilla Glue is an interior/exterior adhesive used for most household fixes. It repairs thing you never thought could be repaired. It fixes things before they need fixing. Sometimes you can even use Gorilla Glue on something to make it that much stronger. Plus, it's waterproof.

I'm so elated about this product, I honestly want to find a way to live longer to use it for many years to come.

That's how fucking cowboy this stuff is.

A couple weeks ago, I was cleaning out my garage and arranging shit when my dad, who was visiting for the weekend, walked in. Immediately, he gazed over to this small orange bottle sitting on top of my riding lawn mower. Like a beagle sniffing out a rabbit he walked over, grabbed the bottle and gave me a proud look.

"You’ve got Gorilla Glue."

I nodded. "Fuck yeah, I’ve got Gorilla Glue."

"I can’t believe you have Gorilla Glue."

"It’s a good fucking glue."

"I love Gorilla Glue," he said.

I nodded again. "I love it too, Dad. I love it too."

Then, we proceeded to trade stories about how awesome Gorilla Glue is and the many different objects we used our it on.

"I fixed my vacuum cleaner with it."

"Oh yeah, well I fixed a hole in our swimming pool."

"Well, I also repaired a desk with it."

"That's nothing. I attached my little pinky finger back on after I cut it off on the bandsaw."

"No shit?"

"I shit you not."

Suddenly, my girlfriend poked her head into the garage. "What in the hell are you guys carrying on about ?"

With a Chesire Cat smile, I held up the bottle of Gorilla Glue. She rolled her eyes and went back into the house.

"Hey Dad, look what else I got," I yelled as I ran over to my workbench.

I held up Gorilla Glue Duct Tape.

"I've got it too!" my Dad screamed.

"Isn't it awesome?" I added. "I taped up our patio furniture with it."

"Well I used it on my muffler!"

The Gorilla Glue one-ups continued throughout the night.