Thursday, August 9, 2007

We Must Listen to the Squids!

Yet another giant squid washed up on the coast of some beach today. Weird, huh?

When I was little, the only pictures of giant squids could be found in my old Mysteries of the World books alongside the Loch Ness Monster and Big Foot.

And there were no pictures - just old, ink-drawn pictures of a Giant Squid attacking a pirate ship. But, those stories would keep me up at nights screaming in terror.

Nowadays, real-life giant squids are washing up everywhere. They're about as visible as the common house fly. And no one seems to care:

Martha and Stan Are Watching Television.

STAN: Oh look Martha! Another Giant Squid was caught off the coast of New Zealand.

MARTHA: Yawn. I'm bored. Either turn the channel to 'Dancing with the Stars' or fuck me. You choose.

STAN: (clicking remote furiously with pecking sound SFX) Yes dear.


What's going on in the world? Is anybody else as worried about the Giant Squids as I am. Why in the Hell are they're washing up on our sandy beaches?

I have a theory that I call the Star Trek IV Theory. Just like the whales in the hit movie with James T. Kirk and Spock, I think the squids are trying to tell us something.

I'm not sure what it is but I think it has something to do with homosexual marriage or Posh Spice.

Stay tuned.

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