Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Eimer's Best Netflix Reviews - Pieces of April

I thought this was appropriate for the upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday.

Truthfully, I probably would not have rented this flick unless Katie Holmes married Tom Cruise.
Not 100% accurate. More so, because I looked up her filmography on IMDB and noticed that this was the only movie I hadn't seen starring Mrs. Cruise.

Plus, everyone on the site was talking about how good it was, so I thought I’d give it a try.

Turns out I really enjoyed it and – at 88 minutes long – it was the perfect length. With tattoos, black nail polish and (Gasp!) a black boyfriend – Katie’s character is the black sheep of a rather crazy, dysfunctional family as she prepares for Thanksgiving dinner at her rather small apartment in the city. Mom has cancer and hates her daughter for being so (insert any word here). Dad is trying to paste the family together. Two siblings have their own problems as well. Plus with Grandmother in tow, you’ve got a great concoction for disaster.

The movie splits up into three parts: family’s trip to New York, Katie’s trials and tribulations of trying to prepare Thanksgiving dinner and her boyfriend’s trip through the city (A drug deal perhaps?). In any event, everything comes together and – in a sense – the end of the movie is a beginning of sorts that brings a tear to your eye.

Great little movie that could. And a perfect representation to America's most dysfunctional holiday.

GRADE: B+

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Interesting stuff my kids draw - The Thing

I know. I know. Everyone loves their kids and thinks that everything they do is the cat's meow.

However, trutch be told, there are, in fact, a lot of things my kids do that downright pisses me off.

But, once in a while (okay more than once in a while), they say something or do something that puts a great big smile on my face and makes me proudly say, "Yep, them's my kids."

Case in point was something that happened a couple days ago. I showed both of my kids (my 3-old son and 4-old daughter) the 50 monsters cartoon, which I posted last week prior to Halloween.

They were mesmerized. My daughter more so than my son. She was particularly taken by this image:


"What's that?" she asked.

"Oh, that's from the movie The Thing," I said.

"What is it?"

"It's a creature that takes the form of other creatures and, sort of, morphs into them via some crazy biology."

I don't think she really understood my answer. However, that was about the extent of the conversation.

I looked at her face and she was still transfixed. I was proud that she liked my stuff.

Yesterday, when I picked my daughter from school, she approached me with a proud smile on her face and handed me the following picture:



"What's this," I asked already knowing the answer.

"The Thing," she said with a beeming beautiful smile.

Not sure about you, but it does look like the creature Kurt Rusell confronted in the final scene.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Eimer's Best Netflix Reviews - The Happening

Look, I enjoyed THE RUINS. I thought it was interesting to have nature finally fighting back against mankind. I could even suspend my disbelief in to believe that Jordy Verrill was, in fact, slowly turning into a plant in the CREEEPSHOW vignette.

However with this film, I tried and tried and tried to suspend my disbelief and roll with this movie.

I just couldn’t.

The acting, the direction and the stupid, stupid script didn’t enthrall me one bit during its 90-minute run. And that bums me out because I was hoping M. Night would finally get his shit together and hit one out of the park like he did with UNBREAKABLE and THE SIXTH SENSE.

I’m now convinced that’s not going to happen unless he starts more collaboration and less dictatorship with his movies. Now when I see the words WRITTEN, PRODUCED & DIRECTED BY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN at the beginning of a movie, I’m going to groan. And the really sucky thing about this movie is that it had potential to be a really cool horror movie. But it just turned into dumb.

From the wind blowing in the wrong direction of the jet stream to the old lady in the small town, to the wind blowing and more wind blowing to signify some type of Jason Voorhees character is on the hunt of packs of people (Which begs the question how many is too many? And I didn’t know nature could count?) this movie is so ludicrous that it’s not even worth talking about anymore.

Okay one more thing. In the extras section of the DVD, there’s an anatomy of a scene production where, it appears M. Night spent about three-to-four days shooting this one scene where a jeep rams into a tree and bodies are thrown from the vehicle. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cool scene. But, as I was watching this production I was thinking to myself that M. Night should have focused more time tinkering with his terrible script than trying to film a cool scene for the masses.

In a nutshell, that’s what bothers me about this film and his last film LADY IN THE WATER…plenty of tree bark, but no bite.

GRADE: F-

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Eimer's Best Netflix Reviews - The Cutting Edge: The Magic of Movie Editing

Great documentary about the less sexy, but most important part of the the movie-making process - editing.
With comprehensive interviews of the some of the best editors working today, not to mention Academy Award winning directors, the movie rolls along at a fine pace.
If you're into film as an art form, you'll love the stories from Speilberg talking about the editing of JAWS and SCHINDLER'S LIST, and Scorcese talking about his long-time editor, Academy-award winner Thelma Schoonmaker.
As if that weren't all, you get to see Academy-Award winning editor, Walter Murch, ply his trade as he edits a scene from Anthony Minghella's COLD MOUNTAIN.
What a cool, interesting, fun documentary.
GRADE: A

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Screw MONSTER, let's play JEHOVAH WITNESS.

So, after a laborious day of copywriting, I pick up the kids from school, we go home and eat some dinner...

....then we stare at each other.

"So, what do you guys want to do now?" I ask interrupting the brief, but poignant,silence.

Big devilish smiles appear on their faces as they scream, "Monster!"

"RAWR," I yell, as a I transform into the monster (a la American Werewolf in London) and chase them around the house all the while hurling them through the air and twist them around and around until I almost puke.

Well...yesterday, after dinner, the kids screamed that they wanted to play monster. Not sure if it was the long, drawn out Halloween festivities or the tedious repition of the week, but I said a stern, "No, not tonight."

Immediately, their smiles turned upside down. My son even began to cry.

"Hey, hey don't cry," I said. "It's okay."

Then, for some stupid reason, I started to sing Kumbaya:

'Kum bay ya, my Lord, kum bay ya; Kum bay ya, the Lord, kum bay ya; Kum bay ya, my Lord, kum bay ya, O Lord, kum bay ya.'

My kids started to laugh. I sang it again. And again.

Then they started to get annoyed. I kept singing it again, again and again.

Then they screamed. Then they ran. I walked slowly towards them like a zombie extra from The Walking Dead and continued to sing Kumbaya.

And, when I caught them (and I always did), I would give them a great big hug....

....until they screamed.

So, next time, you're getting sick of playing Monster with your kids. Switch it up and play Jehovah's Witness instead.

It will annoy the hell out of the kids, and you.

P.S. Mix up the game of Monster/Jehovah Witness even more by switching it up to 'Hare Krishna'.