Everyone's a douche bag

So, I’ve got two kids. One, my son, is 11 months. The other, my daughter, is more than two. Not quite three.

In any event, a couple months ago my daughter started repeating every single word that comes out of my mouth.

This worries me a bit.

As I’ve stated before, I’ve said 'so long' to the word FUCK a number of months ago.

But, I haven’t quite shaken a lot of other words.

For example, lately I’ve been calling everyone DOUCHE BAG.

When a guy is passing me on the right side of the highway, I call him a DOUCHE BAG.

When a lady is on her cell-phone at a stoplight, I call her a DOUCHE BAG.

When my neighbor is mowing his lawn for the fourth time during the same week, I call him a DOUCHE BAG

When the teenager at the local bakery puts too much cream cheese on my bagel and fills up my coffee too high, I call her a DOUCHE BAG.

When my checking account gets overdrawn and I receive a $35 late fee, I call myself a DOUCHE BAG.

You get the point.

The funny thing is that I haven’t used the word DOUCHE BAG since high school.

I’m 36. So that’s a pretty long time…18 years to be exact.

But - and here’s the kicker - I’m starting to really like my new cussword.

In fact, it’s turning out to be my choice expletive for 2008.

It’s a bit more sanitary than FUCKER, FAG, CUM LIP or STUPID FUCK FACE DICK SUCKER.

Yet, to me, it has a much stronger impact than IDIOT, FOOL or JERK.

Quite frankly, it’s turning out to be my most satisfying cussword to date.

At least until my daughter is in the car. That’s when I use my kid-friendly stand-by...FRIGGIN GOOFBALL!