Friday, August 29, 2008

Gorilla Glue 2: Electric Breakaloo

A couple weeks ago I screwed up my father-in-law’s conversion van.

Long story short. I failed to adhere to the height-specific sign at the parking garage and slammed the top of his van into a concrete pillar.


In the same week, I also destroyed my mother-in-law’s expensive inflatable raft in her swimming pool as I was trying to break my world-record of jumping obscene distances from the diving board to the raft. Not sure, but I think my sharp toe-nails might have snagged the plastic.


So what do these two stories have in common besides myself being an ass?

Nothing? Wrong!

Gorilla Glue? Correct.

Remember, a year ago, when I was talking to my Dad about Gorilla Glue?

Remember how I said it was freaking awesome?

I went to my favorite current toy store, Home Depot, and purchased not only Gorilla Glue, but their high-tech durable duct tape as well.

As expected, the Gorilla Glue worked spectacularly on the raft. In less than a day, I was back trying to surf across the swimming pool. (With freshly clopped toe-nails mind you.)

But I was a little dubious on the durability of the Gorilla Tape.

I mean, let’s be honest, duct tape is duct tape, right?

Not necessarily. Just like shitty macaroni and cheese, there are shitty types of duct tape you can buy too.

Well, as it turns out, the Gorilla Glue tape exceeded expectations and set the bar higher than generic Duct Tape ever could.

My dad and I taped up the top of the conversion van. And, two weeks later, the tape is still intact.

No rips? No tears? No frayed edges? It’s even held up to the outside conditions of morning dew, torrential rains, hot-humid Ohio sun and even bird poop.

After checking out my thesaurus, Gorilla Glue tape is really, truly honestly impenetrable.

I was so excited that I called my Dad to tell him the good news.

“Hey Dad!”

“Yeah, son.”

“You know Gorilla Glue?”

“I love Gorilla Glue.”

“Yeah, but do you know the tape?”

“How'd it work on the van?"

“Well, it worked like gangbusters!”

“Great, I’m going to go buy some right now.”

“I want some for Christmas.”

“I want some for my birthday.”

“When I die, I want to be wrapped in it like a mummy and buried in a tomb.”

“Me too, son. Me too.”

This father-son bonding moment brought to you by Gorilla Glue®.

1 comment:

cbrown said...

better keep that handy when you start breaking the kids' toys, you brute...