Monday, April 28, 2008

Adios FUCK! It was nice knowing ya.

For the most part, I consider myself a pretty good parent.

Sure, there are those night infant feedings that can really grain on your nerves and make you question your sanity.

But, pretty much, I think I do a pretty good job, with one exception.

Both my wife-to-be and I cuss like truck-driving, dock-working Teamsters.

And I'm not talking 'darn-it' and 'oh phooey' cussing.

Please. That's amateur hour bullshit.

I'm talking FUCKING, GODDAMMIT, COCK-SUCKING, ASSHOLE, DICKHEAD, FUCKFACE, MOTHER FUCKER cussing.

Look, if you read this post, you know I loooooove the word FUCK. I think I've mentioned it on more than one occassion. Hell, I even drew a cartoon about it.

But with my almost two-year old daughter running around the house and mimicking every word that we say such as 'COOL' and 'WOW' or even 'YAY', I don't want to be the one responsible for teaching her that the word 'SHIT-EATING ASSHOLE' is as cool a word as 'MOO' or 'RUFF RUFF' or even 'CHOO CHOO'.

And I'm not naive. I know it's a brutal word out there. And, with as many R-rated movies as I watch not to mention my extensive hip-hop library growing at an alarming rate each week, I know it's inevitable that she will eventually pick up a cussword or two around the house.

But it's not going to be from my lips.

I also know that down the line, she's going to be hanging out with her little brother and possibly and couple other snotty nosed kids saying cusswords to one another and giggling like little hyenas.

At least, that's what my brother and I did.

But, until that time, we've both decided to put all of our cusswords into a sack, tie it and, like a farmer with a bagful of newborn bastard puppies, toss it into some unmarked stream only to be opened up later years down the line.

Oh, it's not going to be easy. I'll be the first to admit It's going to be pretty hard to not scream 'COCKSUCKING MOTHER FUCKER!' to some old man who pulls out in front of me on the highway going 15 miles an hour. Probably harder than kicking a cigarette, heroin or even crystal meth habit.

But, I'm sure it can be done.

Hey, at least, I have this blog to turn to as an outlet for my inner FUCKS.

2 comments:

Eric Wiley said...

Good for you, Eimer. Best of luck.

Just wondering - why would one open a several-year-old bag of drowned puppies?

Your Finest Eimer said...

ERIC#

Thanks for the kind words. And to answer the puppy question....CURIOSITY. I hear that's what killed the puppies. Or was that the cat?