Thursday, June 19, 2008

Grassman Unleashed (Well, not really.)

I tuned in to watch that Grassman MonsterQuest Documentary on the History Channel last night, which I talked about in a previous post.

So what did I think?

Weak. Really, really weak.

Instead of going into extensive detail on the subject (too late!), I think I'll just give you a bullet-point rendition of the suckiness that I witnessed.

  • First off, they spelled Coshocton wrong in the show. It was spelled 'Kershocktin, Ohio'. The producers were so lazy that they didn't even think to pick up an atlas to check the spelling. Right then and there I knew I was in for a very stupid ride.

  • They mention this place called the Sasquatch Triangle in Northeast Ohio where most of the sightings have occured. Cool name, but with the exception of shots of downtown Cleveland, the Monsterquest crew really didn't do too much filming in Northeast Ohio at all. (Most of the filming occured in Salt Fork State Park. More eastern Ohio if you ask me).

  • The eyewitness reports are entertaining enough. But they were crap. One couple saw 'something' in a clearing while they were hanging out by a campfire. Another lady woke up and saw 'something' walking away from her picture window. Another guy saw 'something' walk into the woods. Whoooooo. The funny thing was they made the real people recreate the events themselves. Funny, but terrible. Just terrible.

  • If you tuned in to watch show, you finally got to see the 2-second blurry image that Don Keating videotaped in New Moscow, Ohio. (Pssst, it's a human hiker walking down a trail.)

  • With the exception of the voiceover guy, everyone kept mentioning the creature as Bigfoot and Sasquatch. There was hardly any reference to Grassman.

  • One guy found a skull in Northeast Ohio and was convinced it was a dead Bigfoot skull. Okay, I'll admit my interest was piqued for about five seconds. However, a cryptozoologist/anthropologist looked it over and said he was 100% convinced it was a baboon skull. His reasoning: a circus came into town and a baboon escaped and ran into the Cuyahoga National Park to live out its life.

  • Another dude found a supposed Bigfoot 'nest' and took pictures. He said they returned a couple weeks later to find it completely gone. In my opinion, it looked like a hollowed-out briar bush that deer would rest in during a hot, summer day. Nothing more. Nothing less. In fact, my brother and I have scared deer ('game' as we like to call it) out of bushes that looked exactly like the pictures.

  • Speaking of the nest, two bigfoot enthusiasts went into the woods to try and create the nest that they found in the picture. I bet the producers were saying "Dude, we need just ten more minutes of footage to fill the spot. What should we have these guys do?"

  • One guy made a plaster cast of a 'supposed' Bigfoot (Grassman, whatever) paw. It was examined by a fingerprint specialist who told us what we already knew, that it wasn't human. Ohhhhhh.

  • Monsterquest hired a Michigan crew to fly a mini-helicopter up in the sky with a thermal camera to try and spot Grassman in Salt Fork Lake National Park. With Keating staring intently into the monitors, they spotted this tiny little thermal blip. Could it have been a deer, skunk, fox, dog or possible chipmunk? Nope. Keating was convinced it was a Bigfoot.

  • The next day, this guy went to the spot where the helicopter spotted the thermal image. He put up a Faux bigfoot complete with goofy gorilla-looking head to attract a Bigfoot. Then he put three motion-activated cameras arround the creature in an attempt to videotape it. No luck. I know. I know. I'm surprised too.

  • Then Keating and the other guy went out in the woods at night (because Bigfoot are nocturnal) and started banging trees with sticks to make wood knocks. That's when Keating let out his patented 'Bigfoot' mating scream to (hopefully) agitate a Bigfoot. After brief silence, Keating said "Usually they respond pretty quickly. If they haven't responded by now, then they're not going to respond." Wha?

Well that's about it. Pretty lame. And terrible journalism to boot.

If I was a kid, I probably would've thought it was awesome. Then, at school the next day, I would've told all of my friends about it.

Which, more than likely, would've been followed by a brutal ass beating.

Meh, now I'm bored. Where's a good UFO sighting when you need one?

9 comments:

cbrown said...

Aww, disappointing.

You know the government owns the History Channel, right?

You still a believer?

Your Finest Eimer said...

I want to believe.

Kameron D Kiggins said...

I taped the Monster Quest episode but haven't watched it yet. It'll be interesting to compare your notes with the show.

Your Finest Eimer said...

Thanks for the comment Kameron.

I'm really curious what you think. Maybe I was just in a bad mood or something, but I wasn't impressed at all.

Kameron D Kiggins said...

I plan on watching the shows over the weekend, so I'll let you know my take on it.

Kameron D Kiggins said...

I mostly agree with your assessment of the Grassman Monster Quest episode: weak, with logical fallacies around every corner. And yes, a lot of the footage seemed like padding. Pity the editor stitching that meager mess together...

The reenactments were corny, especially of the 1869 Grassman attack, which desperately needed wisecracking silhouettes of Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo at the bottom of the screen.

The "primate nest" was lame, the thermal camera blip was lamer, and the Grassman Scarecrow was lamest of all, spilling over into pathetic tragicomedy.

For me, the purported Grassman handprint cast was the most interesting thing in the episode. But even then, it was ultimately consistent with a gorilla, so there's no compelling reason to stretch for an unorthodox explanation.

Verdict? Disappointing from a serious research perspective. But I'm still obsessed with this kinda stuff...

Your Finest Eimer said...

KAMERON,

I'm still interested as well. It almost seemed like a mockery of everything. Plus, newspaper and ohio bloggers around the state are pissed at the 'Kershocktin, Ohio' thing. This is supposed to be the History Channel. Not Spike TV.

Not that there's anything wrong with Spike TV.

Anonymous said...

Another error.... at the beginning of the show, they are talking about Cleveland, but the last two shots are DETROIT. What a weak show, not to mention series.

Your Finest Eimer said...

Thanks Anon.

Didn't catch the Detoit thing. Nice spot. Pretty pathetic display from the History Channel.