Thanks, in part, to the internet, I’m a big self-diagnoser.About 10 years ago, I started feeling tired, urinating frequently and my mouth was all cottony.
Did I write it off and admit that, more than likely, it had to do with drinking?
Hell no. I went on the internet, typed in my symptoms and found out I had diabetes.
Oh, yeah. I was so convinced I had diabetes I went to the doctor who, after rolling his eyes, offered me a piss test. A couple days later, he called me up and told me that nothing was wrong.
His recommendation: Replace the drugs and alcohol with a good night's sleep and ingest some fruits, vegetables and lots and lots of water.
Oh, and he also suggested I find a good psychologist. PFFfffft. Yeah right!
In those ten years, with the help of the internet, I have unsuccessfully diagnosed myself with the the following ailments, all of which were negated by a doctor:
- Brain Tumor
- Lymphoma
- Potential Stroke
- Heart Disease
- Diabetes(again)
- Skin Cancer
- Cataracts
- Aneurysm
- Colon Cancer
- Testicular Cancer
- Early-onset Alzheimer’s
- Muscular Dystrophy
Now I realize this is a slight case of hypochondria. But, sooner or later, one of my self-diagnosiseseses(?) will eventually pan out to be true.
Let's hope it's later in my life than earlier.
Oops. Gotta run. I’m late for a doctor’s appointment.
There’s a lump in my mouth and I’m convinced I have mouth cancer from that one time I used Skoal pouches in high school.
At least that's what the internet told me.
2 comments:
I could see you with Alzheimer's and a touch of vertigo, but I've always thought you more of an STD man...
CRAIG#
I have been forgetting words and people's names lately. For instance I couldn't remember Ted Ginn Jr. for the life of me. Also, when I was little I couldn't remember the Cheech and Chong comedy Still Smokin. They both came to me, however, three hours after I started thinking about them.
Hmmmm.
Back to the doctors office I go.
Post a Comment