Monday, September 10, 2007

I'm Not Sure I Want My Mtv VMAs.

Remember back in the day when Paul Ruebens (aka Pee-wee Herman) got busted for pulling out his pee-wee in a porn theater?

A couple weeks later, he made an appearance on the Mtv Video Music Awards with his classic "Heard any good jokes lately?" intro.

In my opinion, it was a great public relations move on Pew-Wee's part. Don't hide from the media and your arrest. Embrace it and go on Mtv.

That said, I heard Britney Spears was going to make her big comeback by opening the 2007 Mtv Music Awards.

It was almost showtime, so I eagerly grabbed the remote.

Maybe a little too eager.

"What are you watching," my girlfriend asked.

"The Video Music Awards are on tonight," I said. "Britney Spears is the opening act and..."

Then I stopped mid-sentence. The sarcastic, wise-ass look on my girlfriend's face said it all.

Look, I'll admit it's a little gay to want to watch Britney Spears open up the VMAs. But, I really don't care. I'm a pop-culture-type-of-guy that's up for witnessing any type of fun entertainment. I caught the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake tit thing during the Superbowl. I watched Martin Bashir's Michael Jackson special a couple years back. I even saw the Oprah one. I even checked out the Geraldo Rivera satan-worshipping thing back in the 80's.

So, although I'm not a true fan, I guess you can call me a spectator in what's going on with Britney Spears nowadays. Plus, I heard she was going to do some kick-ass illusions with David Copperfield wanna-be Criss Angel.

Hey, what else there to do on Sunday night? Count me in!

check out Ms. Spears performance right here.

So how was it, you ask? Well, it sucked. In addition to not even singing, her lip-synching was terrible. Her dance routine wasn't that great (and I'm not even a good judge of dance routines). And where was the magic? The only magic happening that night was witnessing a dancing zombie - boobs and all - in the twilight of her career. Some people were saying she looked fat. I don't know about that. In fact, I'll be the first to admit she looked pretty hot. At times, she just stopped singing as if she knew that this whole ting just wasn't working out. The look on 50-cent's face in the audience was priceless. To be honest, I felt a little sorry for her.

Well, not really.

In all honesty, I think this is the official Jump The Shark-phase for Ms. Spears. Oh, don't get me wrong, I think she'll be back. She needs to take about five or six years off, then pick up a guitar and make an acoustic album a la' Sheryl Crow, Alanis Morrisette or Neko Case.

But, as far as the bubble-gum dance shit is concerned, you can stick a fork in her, because she's done.

I don't know what it is about the VMA's, but they're always fun to watch. There are tons of drinking, tons of sexual innuendos and tons of scantily-clad ladies bumping and grinding with other scantily-clad ladies.

It's like a big party is going on and everyone is invited...except for you.

I also thought it was pretty ingenious to have Justin Timberlake and Timbaland, Kanye West, Fall Out Boy and the Foo Fighters host separate suite parties at the hotel. That looked like a lot fun from my sofa in Bath, Ohio.

Plus, you never know what's going to happen. For instance, the Kid Rock/Tommy Lee fisticuffs was just one of the highlights of the show. Or at least that's what I heard.

With the exception of the Spears opening, I really didn't watch the whole thing. I was clicking back and forth between the Curb Your Enthusiasm marathon, the Cowboys/Giants game, the VMAs and my 10 other HBO channels.

Then I was trying to think back when I just didn't want my Mtv anymore.

I'm not really sure, but I think it was sometime between 1998 and 2000 when Limp Bizkit's "Nookie" was the #1 video on TRL.

I dunno, mowing the lawn and/or cleaning out the garage seems more important than wondering if 50-Cent or Kanye West will gross the most record sales next week.

Hey, at least I'm not as old as Kurt Loder - he just turned 62.

No comments: