Friday, September 21, 2007

DVR, I think I love you.

It’s a well-known fact that I’m not a big TV person.

With the exception of Survivor, LOST, The Office, Entourage and Mad Men – that’s about it. I gave up on The Simpsons and Family Guy a long time ago. I said aloha (good-bye, not hello) to Friends reruns, Mtv and all the crappy VH1 reality shit.

My mantra has always been: Give me a bad movie in place of a stupid TV sitcom and I’m in heaven.

That is, until I found DVR.

Since our move to Bath, Ohio, we switched cable companies to Time Warner. In addition we transformed our basement into this cool, awesome media center complete with movie posters, flat-screen TV and a metal table with stools.

Like I said, Awesome! (Well, in my world it is.)

Our cable company dropped off a new cable box that accepts High-definition TV and offers DVR.

The high-definition is great, but the DVR is awesome. I simply go through the viewing guide, pick the shows I want to watch and select them to record. The rest is pure magic.

Like I said, I really don’t watch that much TV. And I can’t stand having to be home in time to watch a TV show. If I’m home, then fine. I’ll watch the show. But, I’m never, ever going to schedule my life around a fucking TV.

But, with DVR, I can record documentaries and cool cartoons that I never thought I’d be able to watch. Now, shows like Futurama, Robot Chicken, Survivorman, Man vs. Wild, The Deadliest Catch, various UFO and Bigfoot documentaries and Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations are now mine for the viewing, or recording.

And I don't think I need to talk about the commercials. "What commericials?" you ask? EXACTLY.
PLUS, if the baby is crying, I need to pinch a loaf or I have to run up to grab a beer out of the fridge, I can simply hit -PAUSE - and that's that!

And this opens a whole new world to viewing movies. You know, I like to rank my movies in three different ways:
1.) Movies that I must see in the theater.
2.) Movies I must see on DVD.
3.) Movies that I want to see, but I don't really want to pay for, so I'll watch them on TV.

With DVR, I can finally catch all of those Category 3 movies such as Snakes on a Plane, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Just My Luck and Feast. Plus, with Halloween right around the corner, I can practically record every Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and Halloween movie with the touch of a button.

Even last night at 3 a.m., I scheduled a recording of Death Hunt with Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin on AMC. I haven't seen that flick since 1981, at the drive-in! I can't wait to get my eyeballs on that one. And it wouldn't have happened without my DVR.

I can even tape Little Einstein, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and old Sesame Street episodes for my 15-month old daughter to watch.

It's especially going to be great with a newborn in the house.

Now, when I come home and have to keep a close eye on the little one(s) while they're sleeping. I don’t have to watch garbage like Nanny 911, Wife Swap or Caveman. Now, I can simply go to my various recordings and crack open a beer.

Remember the movie Gladiator when Russel Crow screamed out to the crowd "Are you entertained?".

Yes, Russell Crow. I am!

Some people will say I’m selling out to TV. Some people will say I’m gay. Some people will yell at me and tell me to play Scrabble. Some people will say why don’t you spend that time and interact with your family. Some people will call me an asshole. Maybe so, but at least I’m finally watching some quality programming on my own terms.

Why even this week I have the DVR set to record the Ohio State/Northwestern game on Saturday so I can watch it when I get home from the hospital.

Thanks to my DVR. I won’t be flipping through 500 channels looking for some shit to watch. Because now I call the shots, mother fucker.

Oh wait! An episode of America's Next Top Model is on.

No worries. My DVR is catching that one too!

EIMER NOTE: For the Love of God Help Me!


CBrown said...

Go play some Scrabble, asshole!

btw, I was watching the news here in Central Ohio this morning, and One Finest Eimer came trotting by on my TV. Apparently, there is some stock footage him from 'Walk To Work Day 2005'.

I think I might've pooped a little...

Eric Wiley said...

They heard he moved out of town and thought they could slip by on the royalty payments.

Little did they know the YourFinestEimer's henchmen are *everywhere*.

Thanks to you, cbrown, that's one more check for .05 dollars in Eimer's pocket. Cha-Ching!