Sketchbook - March 12, 2008

Why do we still compare films to Citizen Kane?

A couple years ago I watched a movie called Raising Helen. It wasn't good. It wasn't bad.

It was meh.

At work the next day, some young lady at lunch brought up the movie. (I guess it was popular at the time).

"I'm just wondering if it's good or not," she said from across the table. "I'm not sure if I want to invest two hours of my life in it if it sucks."

"I saw it," I chirped from behind my newspaper with a mouthful of Charlie's Steakery Chicken Philly sandwich hanging out of my mouth.

"You did?" she seemed a bit surpised. (I guess I didn't look like a romantic comedy type of guy) "What did you think?"

"Well," I responded looking up from a rather sad Funky Winkerbean comic strip. "It's no Citizen Kane."

[Insert bird chirping and grasshoppers clicking sound]

"But, I haven't seen Citizen Kane," the plucky, little 25-year old replied.

Of course she hadn't seen Citizen Kane.

In fact, if I were to take a poll, I would bet money that 75% of people under 30-years old haven't seen it either.

Sure, movie aficionados from all over the world have seen what many people consider the very best motion picture in terms of story, intricate plot, cinematography, extraordinary acting and overall direction.

When someone refers to Citizen Kane, they're bringing up a quality film that's reaped a huge amount of rewards, accolades and respect from not only the movie-going public and critics but non-movie lovers as well. Simply put, director/screenwriter Orson Welles and his crew made the quintessential film of which every other motion picture is judged.

Or rather that's why everyone used to bring it up.

For all of those unaware, Citizen Kane was made in 1941. Now, I'm thinking to myself, there has got to be another movie made in the past 67 years that can be comparable to this fine piece of filmmaking.

So there I was, mouth agape, with french fries dipped in ketchup dangling from my mouth. A table of women stared back at me waiting for a response.

The brain was working. The factory was processing information. Suddenly the light bulb flickered and my motor skills kicked back into sequence.

"Well," I said as I commenced chewing. "It's no Shawshank Redemption, but it's worth seeing."

"Oh, thanks, I guess I'll check it out then," she said as she continued her conservation with her co-workers about how mush she adores Kate Hudson.

Game. Set. Match. Genius.

So, there you have it. From now on, when I'm comparing a so-so film to a great masterpiece of a film, I'm thinking about swapping Citizen Kane with The Shawshank Redemption.

To further add to my defense I pulled this quote from IMDB.com:

As with many films that gained legendary status as years went by, such as Blade Runner and Citizen Kane - [Shawshank] prospered on home video. It has thrived on IMDb's Top 250 for quite some years, almost always in the top five. The simple fact is that the film speaks to a lot of people on some level, and its message of hope and inspiration is one that appeals to vast arrays of people. Some great movies are more geared towards certain demographics, whereas Shawshank has almost universal appeal, and that's probably why it is so well-regarded on sites like IMDb.

You know what? I couldn't have said it better myself.

Rendezvous with David Fincher

I'm a big fan of director David Fincher.

Ever since his first mainstream foray into film, Alien3, Fincher has continued to develop his storytelling abilities and transform himself into, arguably, one of the best directors of my time.

He's literally churning out one great film after another including Se7en, Fight Club, The Game, Panic Room and Zodiac. And lets not forget the upcoming The Curious Case of Benjamin Button based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald about a guy who is born old and ages backwards.

A couple months ago, Fincher announced his intent to direct the film version of Arthur C. Clarke's science fiction epic, Rendezvous with Rama.

In an interview with MTV, Fincher said the following about the Rama film:

It's my understanding that [producer] Lori [McReary] and Morgan [Freeman] have a script, and when they're happy with it, they'll send it to me. It's a project I've always loved. It's probably technologically within striking distance right now. That was always the thing: You couldn't afford to build these things as sets. It's just too huge.

Although I've heard of the book, I really didn't know too much about its content or plot. But Fincher's announcement had me intrigued. So I quickly visited Amazon.com, bought the book and read it within a month.

The novel, set in the 22nd century, involves a thirty-mile-long cylindrical alien starship (nicknamed Rama) that drifts into Earth's solar system. A group of humans from the spaceship Endeavour decide to explore the ship and, hopefully, unearth the strange mysteries of the Ramans.

And so begins the story.

In my opinion, it's a great book that should be read by anyone who has some interest in science, astronomy and science fiction.

Clarke's writing ability is seemingly effortless and reads surprisingly smooth considering the content. When he's tackling heavy, heady, scientific jargon, even the most unscientific of readers (i.e. me) can easily comprehend what the characters are talking about. And, by writing from the explorers' point of view, in a sense, the reader experiences first-hand what they're seeing, hearing and feeling as they enter the ship. The writing makes you feel like you're part of the story.

The creative world in which Clarke creates on Rama is, for lack of a better word, fantastic. I really don't want to give too much away because I think the reader should experience the novel first hand. But, to comprehend the vastness of a spaceship that is 30 miles in length is, to quote The Princess Bride, inconceivable.

And although the end of the novel hints at possible sequels [which did happen, by the way, but without Clarke behind the typewriter] this book can stand alone as one of the most important science-fiction books of our last century. And to think that it was written in the early 70's should be a further testament to Clarke's creative genius and insight. And I don't toss the word genius around too often.

In addition to winning every possible science fiction award upon its release, Rendezvous with Rama also influenced generations of science-fiction writers and films including Ridley Scott's Alien, Robert Wise's Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Michel Crichton's Sphere among others.

Which completely explains why I had a sense of deja-vu when I was reading this book. Because I've seen the basic premise so many times in other movies and books. (i.e. A crew or person goes on a mission to search a strange object or place with some rather peculiar, if not fantastical results.)

So my question is, how do you make a movie where the plot has been virtually copied, dissected and remade by producers, screenwriters, novelists and directors since its inception almost 40 years ago?

I'm sure Fincher realizes this fact. At least I hope. And I'm sure he has some ideas on how to make this novel seemingly 'new' to the eyes of science fiction and movie fans around the world.

Whether or not the film comes to fruition, I'm just happy that I was able to read the book. And I strongly urge you to pick it up. Heck, you can even borrow my copy if you want.

On another note, Clarke was 55 years old when Rama was published in 1972. Four years prior, he wrote the screenplay for 2001: A Space Odyssey with Stanley Kubrick, at the age of 51.

With Clarke creating a masterpiece like this in his later years, this gives me some hope that my best days of writing are yet to come.

And, by no means, am I comparing his dedication to the craft to my own. I'm just saying his writing aged like fine wine.

And hopefully mine will as well.

One Sentence Movie Reviews - February 2008

More one-sentence movie reviews for you to eat with your eyes....

Margot at the Wedding
If you know the last name Baumbach and have seen the movie THE SQUID AND THE WHALE, you'll like this movie.

Gone Baby Gone
It's like MYSTIC RIVER with a missing girl instead of a dead daughter.

The Seventh Seal
Death plays chess with Father Merrin in this black and white snoozer.

Night at the Museum
Ben Stiller recreates JUMANJI at the New York Museum of Natural History in this okay kid's flick.

Primer
A mindfuck of a time-travel movie made for only $7,000.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
It's like that Fiona Apple's CD with the long title: pretty to look at, but a bit on the long and boring side.

The Brave One
It's DEATH WISH if Charles Bronson had tits and a vagina.

The King of Kong
Two geeks play Donkey Kong for the geek championship of the world in this fun,interesting documentary.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Okay, I'm officially sick of the pirate shit.

No End in Sight
If this great documentary were a book, it would be called Iraq War for Dummies.

Joshua
Joshua is an asshole and you'll want to strangle him by the end of this movie.

The Ten
WET, HOT AMERICAN SUMMER mixed with RENO 911 and The Ten Commandments equals weird fun.

King of California
Michael Douglas shows his acting chops, instead of his naked ass, while he and Evan Rachel Wood search for treasure beneath Costco.

Away from Her
The Alzheimer's feel-good movie of the year...I think.

Bully
If you liked KIDS and GUMMO, you'll like this movie about teenage angst...and stupidity.

There you have it. What do you think?

Six Random Wednesday Thoughts

Thought #1
Remember my previous post about a nude Natalie Portman in Wes Anderson's new movie? Well, I finally watched Hotel Chevalier, the 13-minute prequel/short to The Darjeeling Limited and let me tell ya, the nudity ain't all that. To be honest, I was a bit underwhelmed. I'm sure this short was meant to be a major plot-point segue into the feature film. Don't get me wrong, it's finely acted by Portman and Jason Schwartzman. But, as far as nudity goes, it's a 2 out of 10 stars. She had a better look in Closer.

Thought #2
If you completely take out the concept of evaporation, I wonder how long it would take for you to fill a swimming pool with your own pee?

Thought #3
Yesterday, my future father-in-law - a staunch Republican - switched parties, signed up as a democrat and voted for Hilary Clinton in the Ohio Democratic Primary. His reasoning: "I don't think McCain will win if Obama gets the Democratic nomination." Don't know why, but I thought this was a very interesting strategy. I wonder how many other people did this?

Thought #4
As each day goes by and the realization that I'm going to be on this Earth a limited time slowly sets in, my urge to move out of rainy, cloudy, slushy Ohio grows stronger and stronger.

Thought #5
Last night, I imagined my two kids being 12 and 13 years old. Although I already know what I'm going to say to my son when he starts to masturbate. I imagined this great speech I was going to give them about being a sister and a brother and standing up for your sibling and protecting one another from bullies and danger. Then, in my imaginary conversation, I started talking to them about drunk driving, doing drugs and peer-pressure. That's when I thought up this quote:

"Look If you're ever in a situation and something in the back of your mind is giving you a funny feeling and telling you not to do it, that's your intuition talking. That's your sixth-sense saying that something's not right in Denmark. You should listen to that little voice, because 99% of the time, that feeling is right on the money."

It's that point in my imagination when I see them roll their eyes, let out a big sigh and leave the room.

Thought #6
Is anyone, besides myself, going to be watching The Wire series finale this Sunday on HBO? If you want to see one of the best television series, ever (that's right, you MASH-loving fags!). Start with the Season 1 DVD box set and get acquainted with the good, the bad and the ugly of Baltimore's drug scene. Great acting. Great writing. Great direction. Simply great. For pure selfish reasons I want you to watch it, just so I can talk about it with someone besides my five-month old son.

Hey Entertainment Weekly...Fuck You!

EIMER NOTE: My buddy Mac opened up the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly to the title: THE TROUBLE WITH THE OSCARS. That said, he didn't seem too happy with what the magazine had to say. I haven't personally read the article, but I think Mac's got some great points in the following diatribe against the article. Enjoy...

I don't know if anyone has seen the latest edition of Entertainment Weekly, but at first glance it looked like a nice recap of the Oscars.

But the cover read: THE TROUBLE WITH THE OSCARS.

What the fuck?

They totally pissed on the Academy Awards because it had the lowest television ratings in history and they said it was boring because none of movies nominated (save JUNO) made a lot of money at the box office.

Do you know how bad this pisses me off?

First of all, I thought this years' Oscars were as good as ever.

Jon Stewart is one of my favorite Oscar hosts. Plus, the movies nominated this year were fuckin' good!

It's not the Academy's fault that the general public doesn't always go see the BEST MOVIES out there. The best thing about the Oscars is that it helps those movies that don't make a lot of money get more attention.

So, just because the Oscars had lower ratings doesn't mean the show was a disaster. It really doesn't mean shit! Besides advertisers, who gives a 'squirt of piss' what the fucking tv ratings were anyway. Not the true film fans. Which, by the way, is who the Oscars were created for.

People need to know this: TV is a Cancer on movies. If movies follow a direction dictated by television, then terminal illness for movies will follow. There are two different type of people: Movie people and TV people. Sometimes TV people think that they are movie people because they watch movies on television.

V people think that if a movie doesn't make a lot of money at the box office, it must not be any good and they can't understand why these movies get nominated over the ones that make the most money. They have another award show for that and it's called the fuckin' People's Choice Awards! AND NO MOVIE PERSON WATCHES THAT!!!

At least no one with any self diginity.

Entertainment Weekly's first suggestion to the Academy was to nominate more popular movies.

Does anyone know how fucking stupid that is?!

I almost cancelled my subscripttion right then. I don't think Enteratainment Weekly should be giving any lectures to the Academy. I had no idea the egos at that magazine have inflated that much in eighteen years. I have faith in the Academy that they will never nominate movies based soley on box office numbers.

So, I have only one thing to say to Entertainment Weekly and to all the TV people out there who don't know shit about movies and will continue to say terrible things about the Oscars:

DON'T FUCKIN' WATCH THEM YOU STUPID ASSHOLES!

I'LL DRINK YOUR FUCKIN' MILKSHAKE!

Milan A. Cargould

EIMER NOTE: Thanks for the post. I couldn't have said it better myself, Mac. And you know how much I love to use the word fuck! I think people (creative people) get into the movie industry with hopes to scratch their creative itch and tell a good fucking story. And you would hope they've seen all the great classics as well. I think as long as there are 'dreamers' and 'movie lovers' in the world, there will continue to be great films. Great thinking person's films. And that's what I think the Academy Awards continue to do...celebrate substance over splash. Either that, or we're going to turn into the movie Idiocracy and go to the movies to watch a big ass fart for two hours.

What Five Songs Will Be Played At Your Funeral?

Sometimes, when I'm jogging, I cut into this graveyard and do a couple laps on this 1/4 mile cul de sac.

This past Saturday, I decided to say 'Hello' to my little ghostly friends.

As I rounded the corner and passed the metallic graveyard gate, I looked up and my shoes came to a cartoony screeching halt.

Lo and be hold, a funeral service was taking place.

People dressed in black, were standing next to a casket with a pastor reading scriptures. Two women were dabbing their eyes with tissues. Their husband's consoling arms were draped around their shoulders.

Add some snow flurries dropping from the sky and five plus inches of snow on the ground, and you've got a stark funeral scene straight out of the movies.

Having never, ever seen anyone at this particular graveyard, it was an eerie sight to behold. So I decided to forgo my jaunt amongst the dead, and opted for a different route home.

Personally, I would feel a little weird if I was at a funeral and a jogger in a hunter's orange cap listening to an I-pod ran by. Wouldn't you?

On the run home, my mind reverted back to the funeral.

Then I started to think about death.

Then I started to think about my death.

Then I started to think about my funeral.

Then i started to think about the five songs I would request to be played at my funeral.

Now, if anyone has seen High Fidelity with John Cusack, The making of a great compilation tape is hard to do.

To quote Rob Gordon from the movie:

"You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch."

Magnify that times ten for the perfect Death Mix Tape at your own funeral.

Seriously though, it would be tough to choose the five perfect songs from your vast collection of musical memories.

In addition, you would have to pick music that's somewhat uplifting, yet a bit melancholy. Although you would want people to have a good time and remember you in a good way, you wouldn't necessarily want people to pull out the cardboard and start breakdancing at your funeral.

Or maybe you would.

Plus, you have to choose music that not only defines who you were on this planet, but music that digs deep into your soul and portrays the heartbreak, the happiness, the sorrow and the joy you experienced on this Earth.

That said, if Death walked up to me today, tapped me with his sycthe and told me I was going to croak in 24 hours, here are the 5 songs I would request to be played at my funeral...

1. Sing It Again by Beck


2. I Don't Know by The Beastie Boys


3. Hurt by Johnny Cash


4. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd


5. Big Balls by AC/DC

Keep in mind, if you talked to me in a week, a month or a year, some of the above songs wouldn't even be considered.

That said, more than likely, I will probably always include a song by the Beastie Boys, Johnny Cash and Beck. Some other artists under consideration were songs by Radiohead, Jack Johnson, Guns N' Roses, Cake and Lucinda Williams.

Seriously, depending on the day and how I'm feeling, the possibilities for my Death Music Mix are like Death's job on this Earth...endless.

Now I'm curious, what would your five songs be if you were going to die in 24 hours?

And please be sure to leave your name. I need to put a face to the songs, man. I need to put a face to the songs.