Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Daylight Savings Time Sucks!!

Since we turned the clocks back a week and a half ago it's been gray in Northeast, Ohio. And I'm not talking moody gray...I'm talking gray gray as in cloudy, shitty gray.

Ahhhh, the end of Daylight Savings Time.

Everyone that I know hates the "Fall Back" portion of Daylight Savings Time for a number of reasons. The most obvious being that, well, it gets darker earlier.

Below is my Daylight Savings Timeline for Northeast Ohio. (Arizona, California and Florida...go fuck yourselves).

Major suck. You're coming off a great summer of mowing, running, biking, vacationing, partying and simply being outside enjoying the sun. Not only are you trying to get used to the time change, but you slowly beging to realize that you'll be driving home in the dark for the next four months. In addiiton, your kids are all screwed up. And so are your pets. Plus, for anyone that hates driving at night, there are all those bright headlights and breaklights you have to deal with. (Boy do I sound like an old man!)

I like to call this the 'honeymoon phase'. You're finally accepting the fact that it's going to get dark earlier. And, look what we have here to make you forget...pretty colored lights to get you in a festive mood and excited about the upcoming holidays. With visions of sugarplums, days off from work and anticipated booty under the tree (and in your bed), you tend to forget the fact that it's pitch dark at 3:30 p.m. Plus, the glimmery glow of green, blue and red lights shines a calming, hopeful spirit onto your soul. Thanks Satan Claus!

By this time, you're eating a bowl of Breyer's ice cream staring out the window with a faint glimpse of hope that you'll eventually be able to get out and get some sun and exercise. Oh, don't get me wrong, you'll be outside - shoveling the snow, throwing salt on the sidewalk, scraping your car off and slowly trudging through the slow, slow traffic to your job. By this time, however, the days are getting noticeably longer. But, you can't tell due to all the grayness and clouds blanketing the Ohio skies. I forgot to add that your skin is also turning a distinct shade of silver.

You've been in your house waaaaaayy to long. You're sick of everything, and everyone, in your house. In fact, you're slowly turning into Jack Torrance from The Shining and saying "Hair of the dog that bit me, Lloyd." and "I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in." To keep some semplance of sanity, you rearrange your furniture so that it appears you're coming home to a different house...it doesn't work. You've seen all the good movies. In fact, there are only shitty movies at the theaters. In addition, the nights drag on, the cold air blows outside and the only thing keeping you sane is the sweet smell of whiskey on your breath. Days are considerably longer - but you can't tell because you're drunk. Redrum, indeed.

Ahhh, the countdown begins. Only eight days left until....

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME BEGINS. Time to spring forward! Time for renewed hope. Time to start tuning up the lawnmower. Time to start visiting your natural parks. Time to gear up for vacations, Memorial Day and, most importantly, long days! It's time to REJOICE!!!

That is, until next November. Sigh.

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