Monday, December 10, 2007

The Booger Fairy

Ahhhh, Winter.

The air is wet. The ground is sloppy. It’s also the perfect time of the year for copious amounts of boogers to grow in your nostrils.

Yes people, it's BOOGER SEASON.

Armed with my handy index finger, every single day I battle this nasty little vermin living in my nose.

I pick. I pick. I pick. And I pick some more. But those little buggers (Oops I mean boogers) just keep growing back, again, again and again. It’s like some sort of crazy dandelion weed in my nose. Only browner.

On a related note, you know when you pick your nose when you're driving and you wipe it on the car seat? I'm really curious where all of those boogers go? I mean, they always seem to disappear.

I have a theory and it has something to do with the BOOGER FAIRY.

Every night, the same exact thing happens. You brush your teeth. Take a pee. Maybe rub one out. Then blow your nose. You clean out the nostril pipes, so to speak. Then you drift into slumberland.

Eight hours later, you awake to find your nose plugged up with boogs. WTF?

Well, my friend, you just got visited by the BOOGER FAIRY.

Consider her (it?) sort of a reverse tooth fairy. Instead of taking your teeth and leaving you money, the BOOGER FAIRY comes through the cracks of the sewer pipes and inserts boogers into your nose. Every. Single. Freaking. Night.

You know when you wake up and sneeze at night? Yep. You just missed the BOOGER FAIRY.

Now, I can already hear the naysayers coming out of the woodwork. "But, Eimer, don’t you think there’s a more scientific-based explanation why boogers form in your nose then the BOOGER FAIRY?"

Fuck You I say. Just like Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and little gray men, the Booger Fairy is real.

To be honest, I really don’t care what you think...

Sooooo...what do you think?

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