Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Smuggling Toilets from Canada.

I was talking to a Columbus buddy a couple weeks ago about toilets.

I heard that you could get arrested if you try to smuggle a toilet with more than 1.6 Gallons Per Flush (GPF) from Canada into the United States because of some law forbidding toilets over 1.6 GPF. However, laws in Canada don’t have a GPF statute, so they can make them, and import them, with stronger flushes than the United States.

This law/code was put into effect to cut down on water consumption in the United States, but I think it needs another look.

My buddy said one flush would take care of everything if you had a bigger GPF - say eight gallons. I agree. Instead of flushing 5 times (my average) during a normal shit, I could now only flush twice: once before I sat down (courtesy flush) then a second to discard the waste of my bowels.

Also wouldn’t it be ‘retro’ to have an old-time toilet in your house? Of course, it would be state-of-the art and all that, but I think it would be neat to have that pull-down handle. It would make you feel like your were living in the 19th century minus the Black Plague. I think it would be fun to put on a Pilgrim outfit during Thanksgiving and to take a crap using your 'retro' toilet - just to get that 19th century feel.

On another note, I think the above idea would be a great road-trip, father-son bonding movie. An adventure, of sorts, between a baby boomer dad and his Gen X grandson as they try to smuggle toilets across the Canadian border. It could work. Crazier movies have happened. Just to make sure the law is in existence I went to wikipedia.com and sent a question to snopes.com – your online destination for facts, goofs and outright online lies. Haven't received a reply yet or information from either. However, I did find a fun article in MenStuff magazine.

This past week, I talked to my landlord about this Gallons Per Flush theory.

"Naw, you can't get arrested, but it is illegal," he said with a smirk and a cigarette dangling from his lips.

After an odd moment of silence, he looked both ways, gave me a sly wink and said, "You know your upstairs toilet?" I nodded. I did know it. "That's a sixer," he said as he let out a wry smile and walked away.

Cool. A six-gallon flush toilet! Every single time I take a shit - I'm breaking the law!

Eat your heart out Tony Montana.

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