Anyone getting nauseated by all the pungent Superhero movies and sci-fi crap out there? How about those retreads and remakes that try to put a new fresh coat of lipstick on the same big, old, fat hairy pig? Oh, and those formulaic comedies that continuously get greenlit in hopes that the brainless lemmings will go to the theaters and stream on TV just because it's there.
And I know you went. Don't lie. I know you did. Because I saw you there lapping up the cinematic Hollywood bile with your eyes. And, sadly, so did I. But, I blame my 11- and 12-year old son and daughter. So, what's your excuse?
Welp, this past year I've witnessed a ton of big turds. In fact, the crap was so prevalent that I eschewed movies almost the entire spring and summer and replaced with hikes, books, TV shows, and copious hours of Angry Birds 2. But, despite my personal opposition, I still managed to watch some stinky stink.
So, let's take a trip down memory lane - courtesy of my Twitter feed #1SentenceMovieReview - to revisit some of my not-so-favorite cinematic movie experiences of 2018. Mind you, a few of these movies were released in 2017. I just didn't get around to watching them until 2018. Can you really blame me?
'#Solo ': Predictably meh Han Solo origin flick minus the Harrison Ford panache felt like #GuardiansOfTheGalaxy with too many references to Kessel Run and a #WTF appearance by a presumably-dead #DarthMaul pic.twitter.com/TAH87MBOjG— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 27, 2018
'#PitchPerfect3 ': Sure, the Pitches are back 🙂... but I'm not too sure they really should've came out of retirement for this not-so-funny last call 🤔 pic.twitter.com/EDWWBHef5K— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) January 5, 2018
‘#BrightMovie ’: This poor-man’s #TRAININGDAY meets #LordOfTheRings mash-up made me yearn for the darkest depth of Mordor & Gollum. 🧙♂️ pic.twitter.com/TB1W3frHpc— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) January 16, 2018
'#Jigsaw ': The creepy puppet (& old man) return, once again, with some cool bloody contraptions and a convoluted plot that smells like a rancid, last-gasp money grab. pic.twitter.com/YYulwiuQHJ— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 21, 2018
'#AntManAndTheWasp ': Comedy relief pulled this flick out of the 3-star 🐜 hill but, after two flicks, I still feel this #Marvel superhero needs a spray of #raid pic.twitter.com/LdPJ51fvdB— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) July 27, 2018
'#Oceans8 ': You had me at 'all-female Ocean's 11' but, without Soderbergh behind the lens you get apathetic actors, spouting off dull dialogue, while trying to pull off a humdrum heist. 😐 pic.twitter.com/8sopxFXqJI— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) September 14, 2018
'#JurassicWorld2 ': Always excited for some #dinosaur vs. human carnage, but that 🤔 ending gummed up my dino teeth with a chunk of convoluted plot pic.twitter.com/BXmrCJmZRT— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) June 24, 2018
'#RampageMovie ': They figured out a fun, campy plot, but why, oh why, did it take 32 years to green-light a sub-par, over-CGI'd movie of a subpar #KingKong #Godzilla ripoff 80's video game? pic.twitter.com/o1319laNhL— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) June 25, 2018
'#slenderman ': The 'thin' plot, 'frail' script, and 'wispy' direction made me want to ship this @SlenderManMovie back to the internet chat rooms from whence it came pic.twitter.com/Rh3NGiJv6D— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) November 6, 2018
'The Predator': Bad-acting, meh #SFX, & terrible plot came together to create a sci-fi, black comedy, action-thriller, horror movie hybrid that ultimately suffers from self-identity issues 👽+👻+💥=💩 pic.twitter.com/0000HaAPQy— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 26, 2018
LOOKING FOR MORE TURDS? WELL, LOOK NO FURTHER!
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