Eimer's Best Movie Experiences of 2017

All in all, I watched some pretty good 2017 new releases this year. This is only a handful of the films that stood out. But I'm only going to give you 10. No more. No less.

So, please go out and snag these movies with your eyes. They're very good.

Oh, and please give my 1SentenceMoviesReviews Twitter Page some love. Feel free to like or retweet a couple of my posts while you're at it, too.

'#CaptainFantastic ': Well-acted spirited road trip film about an off-the-radar family coping with a matriarch's death is one of 2016's best pic.twitter.com/rkuh1oZO1v

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) January 30, 2017

'#Logan ': It's clearly no country for old mutants as Mangold creates a grim, gritty, superb swan song for Jackman. @WolverineMovie #xmen pic.twitter.com/vgz5Yo9SP0

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) March 10, 2017

'@amonstercalls :' It’s a somber film, but don’t let that stop you from absorbing the beautiful storytelling in @FilmBayona 's third feature pic.twitter.com/PF4GOpa2Kd

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 3, 2017

‘#PassengersMovie ’: Not sure on all the hate b/c this Twilight Zone-ish sci-fi flick that relies heavily on acting & plot is truly stellar. pic.twitter.com/51STz7N3V5

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) May 12, 2017

‘@MotherMovie ‘: Aronofsky’s ambitiously ambiguous head-scratching thriller is a cryptic, unsettling, yet creative, leap of faith that taps into #religion , relationships & our environment pic.twitter.com/g0oQ7B7DsV

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 29, 2017

‘@dunkirkmovie ’: Comparisons will be made to Private Ryan, but Nolan’s thrillingly emotive WW2 opus needs to be seen in its #IMAX splendor pic.twitter.com/7v8SC5lUuX

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) July 21, 2017

‘#OKJAnetflix ’: Imaginary, touching, grim fantasy from Bong John Ho stirs conflicting emotions about the animals we love & the ones we eat🐷 pic.twitter.com/GsT5foUrEO

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) July 28, 2017

'#TheBigSick ': Funny, heartwarming, with a tinge of melancholy, this finely written and acted Apatow-produced coma #dramedy is one of the best of 2017. @TheBigSickMovie pic.twitter.com/02Osc627f3

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 2, 2017

‘#ShapeOfWater ’: Visionary director @RealGDT weaves a classic Cold War story from the #BlackLagoon with a hint of #SPLASH to create a beautifully shot, magically macabre love story ... steeped in H2O. pic.twitter.com/E1alA3lacd

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 15, 2017

‘#LadyBird ’: Writer/Dir. Gerwig channels Baumbach, Wes Anderson & herself, for an all-too-real look at unfiltered teenage angst, individuality, and arrogance, played perfectly by Saoirse Ronan. pic.twitter.com/wzz6xq0wtG

— 1SentenceMovieReview (@EimerFilmReview) December 18, 2017

What about you? What were your favorites movie experiences of this year? Either new release or old release. I don't care!!

Eimer's Must-See Summer 2017 Movie Picks

 

Summer is only one month and a handful of days away (Who's counting?). But, let's be serious, thanks to George Lucas's shrewd marketing move back in 1977, the summer season truly begins in May!

To celebrate the warmer weather and skin cancer prevention, below are my top picks for guaranteed summer greatness in the theater. Movies that you should never watch on the small screen, but truly need to savor, away from the sun, hunkered down in a La-Z-Boy chair staring at the silver screen. (Is it technically silver anymore since it's digital?)

Sadly, Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 will not be on this list. Check out my review on OneSentenceMovieReview via Twitter to find out why!

The Wall (May 12)
Doug Liman (Go!, Edge of Tomorrow, Swingers) points his lens towards two soldiers (one of which is John Cena) facing an Iraqi sniper.

Alien: Convenant (May 19)
Looking forward to the sci-fi carnage. My kids are too, but I probably won't take them.

Baywatch (May 25)
Guilty Pleasure Alert! This new movie by comedy director Seth Gordon looks pretty funny.

Despicable Me 3 (June 30)
Selfishly, this one isn't for the kids. This third Gru outing - with an 80's villian voiced by Trey Parker - is for me and the kids can come to see it if they want.

The Big Sick (June 23)
Silicon Valley's Jumail Nanjiani and Director Michael Showalter (Stella, Hello My Name is Doris) team up for a girlfriend in a coma comedy.

The Beguiled (June 23)
Another Sophia Coppola movie? Sign me up. A remake of the '71 Clint Eastwood classic? Sign me up again.

Baby Driver (June 28)
Director Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Scott Pilgrim) writes and directs what looks to be a funnier psuedo-remake of Walter Hill's 1978 thriller The Driver.

A Ghost Story (July 7)
Not your typical summer fare, I really don't know what to make of this somber, eerie film from Pete's Dragon director David Lowery. But after viewing the trailer, my interest was piqued.

It Comes At Night (July 9)
Death comes knocking in director Trey Edward Shults' horror thriller starring Joel Edgerton (The Gift, Loving).

War For The Planet of The Apes (July 14)
After enjoying both previous Apes films, this third outing looks to close the book what I hope will be the most consistently solid trilogy since Nolan's Batman series.

Dunkirk (July 21)
A war movie from legendary director Christopher Nolan (Insomnia, Dark Knight, Interstellar)? Put it this way, I already checked to buy pre-sale tickets on Fandango. (Not available, yet).

Yep. No Spider-Man. No Wonder Woman. No Valerian And the City of a Thousand Planets. No Cars 3. And definitely No Transformers.

So, tell me, dear reader, what movies are your looking forward to seeing this summer?

One-Sentence Movie Reviews: Vacation Edition

Ahhh, summer rays, the smell of Coconut Oil steaming off a fat-man’s body, the cool drip of water glistening down a can of Coors Light and the smell of Grass.

Yep, you heard me right. Parsley. Jolly Green Giant. Golden Leaf. Christmas Tree. Ganja. Weed. Lots and lots of weed to get you through that somewhat strenuous weeklong reprieve away from the co-workers and together with friends, family, your kids…and (gulp!) your kid’s friends

So, load up your Family Truckster (also known as your Netflix Queue) with a pack of Alaskan Wolves, Large Marge, fat Jonah Hill and even Michael Fassbender’s penis.

What a long strange trip it’s going to be with these strange bedfellows riding shotgun in this summer travel edition of One-Sentence Movie Reviews:

God Bless America

Although I was really hoping for a little bit more from Director Bobcat Goldthwait, how can you go wrong with a movie about a guy and teenage runaway killing stupid people across the United States?

We Need to Talk About Kevin
If you’re thinking about having kids, this is the best type of birth control to come along since condoms.

The Grey

If you’re anticipating Liam Neeson breaking the bottles of liquor and taping them to his knuckles to fight the big, bad wolves…wait for it…wait for it…no seriously, wait for it.

Hop

“That’s not a chocolate bunny you’re eating!!!” It’s shit! (Get it? The movie sucks.)

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

Oh Pee-Wee…even after 50+ viewings, as a loner and a rebel, you’re still entertaining after all these years…even to my kids.

Shame 

Michael Fassbender’s angry blue-veiner takes center stage in this fantastically dark, delectably dirty glimpse into one man’s struggle with sex addiction.

The Little Bear Movie

Some days when I roll into work, I think about the fantastical, simple world of Little Bear and try to forget about all of this stupid shit for a couple seconds of my day.

We Bought a Zoo 

…we also bought tickets to a paint-by-numbers flick from Cameron Crowe complete with a cute kid saying cute things like ‘The average human head weighs eight pounds’.

Cocaine Cowboys

Cocaine is a helluva drug…as is fully apparent in this eye-opening documentary about the Miami snow trade.

The Sitter

A poor-man’s ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING that poses the question: ‘When is Jonah Hill going to decide if he’s fat or skinny?’

A Lonely Place to Die

It's DELIVERANCE mixed with DESCENT (minus the creatures) mixed with RANSOM mixed with great cinematography and a shitty plot.

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

Wow, this sequel to Pixar’s THE INCREDIBLES is everything that I had hoped for…and then some.

Lifeboat 

How in the hell did Hitchcock make a movie about seven people stranded on a lifeboat even remotely interesting?

My Week with Marilyn

This movie proves that you can, in fact, create a smart, poignant, interesting historical story in less than 100 minutes.

A Dangerous Method

Keira Knightley juts out her jaw, and other body parts, to unimaginable heights in this under two-hour thought-provoking biopic about Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.

Young Adult

It’s like the movie MONSTER, but if the title character was a semi-hot novelist/drunkard/drug-abuser/disconnect female going through a mid-life crisis…that’s not a murderer.

Hugo

How on Earth is there a Scorcese film that doesn’t involve an aluminum baseball bat to the head and not named Kundun that still can manage to be utterly fantastic?

Life During Wartime

It’s the much-anticipated sequel to Todd Solondz’s HAPPINESS, completely recast with new actors that no one was waiting for, except for me. 

Cropsey

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Staten Island…but really didn’t want to ever know about Staten Island. 

The Avengers

Finally, a superhero film, other than The Dark Knight franchise, that doesn’t suck big, hairy gonads.

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold

Morgan Spurlock pays for an entertaining movie about crass commercialism by making an entertaining movie about crass commercialism.

Click here for more of Eimer's One-Sentence Movie Reviews >>

One-Sentence Movie Reviews - HardBodies Edition

As the temperature begins to rise, the rain begins to fall - and women from around the country flock to the nation's beaches for a week of sex, drugs and facebooking, I thought I’d do the lamest thing possible to celebrate and collect my movie reviews from this past three months and share them with you…all in one sentence or less.

Also, if you haven't seen Hardbodies, for Christ's sake rent it!!!

So without further adieu....

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
Jeez, I never realized that Hunter S. Thompson abused so many drugs!

Your Highness

EASTBOUND AND DOWN plus PINEAPPLE EXPRESS with a dash of Natalie Portman’s cute ass equals a fun, raunchy, AIRPLANE-esque LORD OF THE RINGS.

Martha Marcy May Marlene

The best movie about a girl joining and leaving a cult that you’ll see all year – complete with ambiguous ending.

Take Shelter

Holy tsunami, this is a grown-up, well-acted version of Donnie Darko, with a somewhat-ambiguous ending.

The Help

The feel-good civil rights movie of the year.

The Interrupters

So, after you watch this film, let's talk about your how shitty your life really is?

The Dead

You'll wish you were dead as you're viewing this film.

Real Steel

Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots and Stallone’s OVER THE TOP merge to create a mediocre movie.

50/50

This fantastic movie made me 50% laugh and 50% cry.

Drive

Albert Brooks as a bad ass and Ryan Gosling crushing skulls isn’t enough to make this good movie great.

Paranormal Activity 3

I opened a fortune cookie the other day that read: 'Combining ghosts with occult always turn to shit'.

I Saw the Devil

This South Korean thriller by Kim Ji-woon puts all American revenge movies to bloody shame.

Bill Cunningham New York

I can only hope to be this happy, joyful and alive when I'm 80 years old.

The Ides of March

It’s the exact opposite of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington…and almost as good.

Moneyball

I’ve never had this much fun seeing Brad Pitt’s character shovel boatloads of food into his mouth.

Bellflower

Beneath the shiny veneer of the above-par cinematography lays a good movie that is just dying to get out.

Warrior

It’s REAL STEEL for the Mixed Martial Arts movement - with a plot that would never, ever happen in a million years.

Margin Call

You’ll feel like a little pissed-off fly on the wall during the 2008 financial housing crisis.

The Future

If David Lynch were female and wrote a romantic comedy - this is pretty much what it would be.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Cool horror movie that’s sadly missing a third act.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

Clever, fresh, interesting take on the 'college-students-in-the-woods-horror-story’.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

This is NOT another crappy Planet of the Apes movie.

The Hangover: Part II

Todd Phillips gets Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis in a room and says, "Look guys, we're going to do the exact same thing over again, but in Bangkok, with shittier jokes.”

Crazy, Stupid, Love.

I'm a sucker for smart, endearing comedies that don't insult your intelligence - like this one.

The Muppets

In what other movie are you going to see Academy-Award winner Chris Cooper rap to hand puppets?

Fast Five

The perfect film for washed-up high school quarterbacks, it’s OCEAN'S 11 mixed with THE ITALIAN JOB with plenty of terrible acting.

Beginners

A great romantic comedy for all sexual preferences.

Midnight in Paris

Can someone else besides Woody Allen please come up with an original Hollywood idea?

Page One: Inside the New York Times

Yep, working for a newspaper is as boring as this documentary makes it out to be.

Fright Night  (2011)

This movie works because it’s almost a sequel of sorts rather than a bonafide remake of the original.

A Christmas Carol

Another odd Zemeckis motion-capture animated film guaranteed to scare the shit out of your kids.

Harry Potter the Deathly Hallows: Part II

Finally, it’s okay to want to have sex with the actress who plays Hermione.


For movie fun, you can view older Eimer Debris One-Sentence Movie Reviews right here.

One-Sentence Movie Reviews - Spring Break Edition

Haven't written my one-sentence movie reviews in quite some time. Thought I'd stretch my creative muscles, fire up the old engine and take you on an (almost) Spring Break cruise of some currently viewed films.


INSIDE JOB - 5 stars
Wow, thanks to these assholes, I now know where half of my 401k went!

DUE DATE - 2 stars
It’s PLANES TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES for the new generation...minus the humor.

127 HOURS - 5 stars
I’ve never had so much fun anticipating a guy cutting off his own arm.

LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS - 2 stars
You’ll want to take some other drugs after you’ve watched this cliché romantic dreck.

BEST WORST MOVIE - 3 stars
A documentary about the worst movie ever made, TROLL 2, which turned into the best movie ever made, according to bunch of film geeks trying to recreate ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW.

CYRUS - 4 stars
Jonah Hill, as the son, and John C. Reilly, as the boyfriend, successfully go head-to-head for the affection of Marisa Tomei.

PLEASE GIVE - 3 stars
Who knew a movie about a Manhattan family waiting patiently for an old lady next door to die because they want to renovate their home could be so heartfelt and entertaining?

GET LOW - 3 stars
I thought I was showing up for a comedy about a guy who wants to throw a funeral for himself before he dies, but instead I watched a drama.

LAST TRAIN HOME - 3 stars
Heck, my commute to Cleveland is a breeze compared to watching this documentary about Chinese migrant workers who travel from the big city to see their family only once a year.

RED HILL - 3 stars
This is a meh aussie revenge tale, with a predictable twist ending.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 - 2 stars
Watching this movie made me nostalgic for the suckiness of the first one.

LET ME IN - 4 stars
It’s an almost shot-for-shot remake of the foreign movie LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, but made for pussy Americans who hate to read subtitles.

DOGTOOTH - 4 stars
This creepy foreign Academy Award-nominated film is what M. Knight Shamalyan’s THE VILLAGE had the potential to be.

ENTER THE VOID - 4 stars
Like running a visual marathon with your eyes, this movie is a bit more upbeat than Noe’s rape revenge tale IRREVERSIBLE, but not much.

BLACK SWAN - 5 stars
This horror movie makes me want to partake in the sadistic, twisted world of ballet, and also bang Natalie Portman!

EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP - 3 stars
This Banksy-directed film is half-documentary (the first half) and half-SPINAL TAP (the last half), but not too shabby all-around.

PIRAHNA 3D - 3 stars
If you’re a fan of gore, half-eaten genitalia and killer Pirahnas, this movie is perfect for you.

PREDATORS - 3 stars
Exceeded expectations especially since I was expecting to watch a big shit sandwich with my eyes.

EASY A - 3 stars
This film wanted to be an 80’s romantic teen comedy so bad, and it almost succeeded.

FLIPPED - 3 stars
Another great Rob Reiner film about growing up in the 50’s - that is a tiny bit happier than STAND BY ME.

SOCIAL NETWORK - 5 stars
With films like SE7EN, ZODIAC, FIGHT CLUB and this, I’m convinced David Fincher has the Midas touch when it comes to filmmaking.

Well, there you have it. Be on the lookout for some fresh, new one-sentence movie reviews in late Spring! Maybe sooner.

To quench your thirst, you can view older Eimer Debris One-Sentence Movie Reviews right here.

One-Sentence Movie Reviews: Winter Edition

More One-Sentence Movie Reviews For Your White, Pasty, Non-Suntanned Skin.

Lakeview Terrace
Samuel Jackson hates bi-racial couples and this movie is what happens when one moves in next door.

The Counterfeiters
Who knew a movie about the Holocaust could be so entertaining, and so under two hours.

City of Ember
It's like The Goonies but replace One-Eyed Willy's pirate ship and treasure with the outside world.

Death Race
It's Shawshank Redemption mixed with NASCAR mixed with Grand Theft Auto mixed with a big plate of stinky, brown shit.

Factotum
Although entertaining Matt Dillon is far too good looking to play an inebriated Charles Bukowski.

Appaloosa
The boring, boring west.

River's Edge
Keanu and Crispin play weird and weirder when their best friend kills a girl.

The Wackness
Will make you want to smoke weed, cry and listen to 90's hip hop before it ends.

Man on Wire
Will make you want go out live life and pursue a career in tightrope walking.

Pineapple Express
Remember that one part when they smoked weed, fired guns and made snarky weed jokes? Me neither.

Towelhead
Alan Ball, of American Beauty and Six Feet Under fame, writes and directs a very interesting film about racism, sexism and teenage love in the suburbs.

Burn After Reading
Great cast, kooky script and great direction tosses this Coen Brother's flick into my top 10 favorites of last year.

Hancock
The first 40 minutes rocked while the rest of the movie sucked.

Ice Men
This movie was about as gay as the cast of guys trying act like outdoorsey straight men.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
This movie cements Guillermo Del Toro as this generation's George Lucas and Steven Speilberg.

Son of Rambow
Great idea for a movie, but it could have been so much better.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe
I don't.

Encounters at the End of the World
Warner Herzog proves that there's a lot more to Antarctica than dancing penguins.

Long Way Down
Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman ride their hogs from Scotland to South Africa and make me forever jealous at their privileged lives in the process.

The Dark Knight
Another great superhero sequel where the villian is more popular than the superhero.

Kicking and Screaming
Noah Baumbach's 90's comedic swan song to college life.

Step Brothers
It's like watching Naked Gun or There's Something About Mary for the very first time.

Tropic Thunder
Ben Stiller is getting better and better as a director.

WALL-E
The second-best animated movie from Pixar next to Finding Nemo.

Drillbit Taylor
It's like every other Owen Wilson movie you've ever seen.

Transsiberian
It's like Strangers On a Train but bloodier and in Russia.

Iron Man
I like where this franchise is heading.

Charlie Wilson's War
Based on a true story, watchable film where Tom Hanks bangs some hot women and tries to stop a war in less than two hours.

The Incredible Hulk
It's good, but didn't I already see a similar version of this movie five years ago directed by the guy who won Best Director for Brokeback Mountain.

Dedication
It's like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind if you were a designer of children's books.

P.S. I Love You
Good idea and great acting, but did it have to be so goddamn long?

The Happening
M. Night Shamalayan does it again........he makes another shitty movie.

The Duellists
Entertaining movie - Ridley Scott's first - about two pissed-off soldiers that duel each other every couple of years.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
A few guffaws, but not as funny as The Farrelly Brother's The Heartbreak Kid.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Everyone that is in film school right now should watch this film so they can get a clue about how to direct and handle a camera.

Sex and the City: The Movie
The four sassy bitches, plus Mr. Big, sleepwalk through this clunker.

Thumbsucker
An entertaining, yet bleak, movie about teenage angst and Ritalin that's not to be confused with Chumbscrubber.

Halloween
Rob Zombie shoots....and fails with this uninteresting turd on a stick.

One-Sentence Movie Reviews; Football Season Edition

When your favorite college or pro team is down in the dumps (ahem Ohio State?), look to these movies to, hopefully, cheer you up. Or piss you off more.

Smart People
Dennis Quaid plays Michael Douglas, but poorly, in a remake of 2000's Wonder Boys.

The Fall
Take The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, mix it with The Princess Bride and Pan's Labyrinth and you've got this creative, eye-candy from a one-name director (Tarsem!).

Undeclared: The Complete Series
It's Freaks and Geeks in college minus the good story lines.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
I only laughed a couple times which is a bit gay in itself considering it's an Adam Sandler comedy.

The Astronaut Farmer
Billy Bob Thornton and the Polish Brothers makes me want to rush out and acheive my dreams.

The Promotion
Reminded me of the movie Election...but in a supermarket...and not as good.

The Search for John Gissing
The Office this ain't.

The Bank Job
Jason Statham finally makes a good movie.

Freaks & Geeks: The Complete Series
One of the best TV series of the past 10 years.

Sex and Death 101
The guy who wrote and directed Heathers hits and misses with this dark comedy starring Winona Ryder.

The Ruins
If JAWS were a plant, he would be in this fun, yet stupid, horror movie.

The TV Set
A entertaining, dark-comedy about the television industry.

The Signal
28 Days Later mixed with Dawn of the Dead, mixed with Stephen King's book Cell equals shit on a stick.

Cashback
The first 40 minutes were awesome and that sucks because it's a two-hour movie.

Weeds: Season 3
This great series has yet to jump the shark.

Michael Clayton
A good political thriller starring everyone that's anyone in the movie industry.

Lars and the Real Girl
Surprisingly fun movie about a blow-up doll.

One Sentence Movie Reviews - Late Spring

As the days get longer and the weather gets warmer, my movie-watching gets smaller and smaller. So it goes. So it goes.

That said, here are some more one sentence movie reviews to quench your Springtime thirst...

Grace Is Gone
If my wife ever dies in Iraq, I'm going to rent this movie for my kids to watch.

Rambo
Not as good as First Blood, but much better than Rambo 3.

Cloverfield
If the marketing weren't enough, JJ Abrams and company does everything that Roland Emmerich's crappy Godzilla flick failed to do.

Strange Wilderness
Take a great idea about Bigfoot and some great comedic actors and mix it with a terrible screenplay and incompetent director and you'll get this piece of terrible-tasting poo. (And yes I eat pieces of shit for breakfast!)

The Golden Compass
I would rather shove a golden compass up my ass than watch this movie again.

The Apartment
Great Billy Wilder movie, but why can't these corporate bigwigs get a hotel room to bang their mistresses rather than using Jack Lemmon's shitty place?

Death at a Funeral
British people (and an American midget) being British funny at a British funeral.

The Savages
Probably what my brother and I are going to be like when my parent(s) get older.

The Orphanage
This movie gets the chills the old-fashioned way....it eaaaaaarns it.

28 Weeks Later
Not as good as 28 Days Later, but better than Land of the Dead.

Reservation Road
A bunch of Academy-award nominated actors get together to make a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie.

Rocket Science
It's Top Gun for high school stutterers.

There Will Be Blood
After writing about it myself here and my buddy writing about it here, I am convinced this PTA film (which has a Stanley Kubrickian feel to it) will be talked about in film circles long after we're alive.

Juno
Good movie but, c'mon, I don't know any 16-year old girl that knows all of Dario Argento's movies by heart.

Other One Sentence Movie Reviews:

• April 2008


• February 2008


• January 2008


• December 2007

One Sentence Movie Reviews - W2 Edition

More Movie Reviews To Take Your Mind Off the W2 Blues.

Them
French psychological thriller that puts the latest American horror movies to shame.

Enchanted
Surprisingly fun flick from Disney that mocks the Disneyesque Cartoons of yore and turns the genre on its ass.

Wedding Daze
Michael Ian Black (from Stella and Ed fame) wrote and directed this different type of romantic comedy starring a sexy Isla Fisher (The Wedding Crashers) and Jason Biggs.

I Am Legend
After writing about it here, I Am Not That Bad.

Southland Tales
The director of Donnie Darko tried to put too many different ideas into this mess of a dystopian future flick.

Dan In Real Life
If you put The Weather Man, The Big Chill and The Family Stoned into a blender and added a sprinkie of Not Funny, you'd get this flick.

The Mist
I wrote about it here, and let me tell you the creatures are amazing, the acting is exceptional and the pacing, editing and screenplay even Darabont's shocking alternative ending is fantabulous.

Beowulf: Directors Cut
I wrote about it here and, after watching it, I'm sticking to my guns and saying it sucked.

Atonement
If you like British movies about aristrocratic, spoiled little girls ruining other people's lives, then you'll like this film.

No Country For Old Men
After finally seeing this movie: Limited dialogue, great cinematography and acting mixed with solid story of Good vs. Evil vs. Nasty makes this a great horror movie by the greatest living writer (Cormac McCarthy) and directors (The Coen Brothers) of our time.

Into The Wild
I wrote about it here, and I can honestly say this is the best film I've seen this year, so far.

1000 Places to See Before You Die: Collection 1: Disc 1
A 90-minute crappy infomercial about hotels, destinations and hot spots in Brazil, France and Alaska.

No Reservations
It's Raising Helen with Kate Hudson, but set in a different industry (fine dining industry instead of fashion).

The Darjeeling Limited
In addition to the nude Natalie Portman scene, Wes Anderson (Bottle Rocket, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou) paints a beautiful film with the backdrop of India as his pallette that transforms this movie into something more special than your basic film.


Other One Sentence Movie Reviews:

• February 2008


• January 2008


• December 2007