One-Sentence Movie Reviews: Vacation Edition

Ahhh, summer rays, the smell of Coconut Oil steaming off a fat-man’s body, the cool drip of water glistening down a can of Coors Light and the smell of Grass.

Yep, you heard me right. Parsley. Jolly Green Giant. Golden Leaf. Christmas Tree. Ganja. Weed. Lots and lots of weed to get you through that somewhat strenuous weeklong reprieve away from the co-workers and together with friends, family, your kids…and (gulp!) your kid’s friends

So, load up your Family Truckster (also known as your Netflix Queue) with a pack of Alaskan Wolves, Large Marge, fat Jonah Hill and even Michael Fassbender’s penis.

What a long strange trip it’s going to be with these strange bedfellows riding shotgun in this summer travel edition of One-Sentence Movie Reviews:

God Bless America

Although I was really hoping for a little bit more from Director Bobcat Goldthwait, how can you go wrong with a movie about a guy and teenage runaway killing stupid people across the United States?

We Need to Talk About Kevin
If you’re thinking about having kids, this is the best type of birth control to come along since condoms.

The Grey

If you’re anticipating Liam Neeson breaking the bottles of liquor and taping them to his knuckles to fight the big, bad wolves…wait for it…wait for it…no seriously, wait for it.

Hop

“That’s not a chocolate bunny you’re eating!!!” It’s shit! (Get it? The movie sucks.)

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

Oh Pee-Wee…even after 50+ viewings, as a loner and a rebel, you’re still entertaining after all these years…even to my kids.

Shame 

Michael Fassbender’s angry blue-veiner takes center stage in this fantastically dark, delectably dirty glimpse into one man’s struggle with sex addiction.

The Little Bear Movie

Some days when I roll into work, I think about the fantastical, simple world of Little Bear and try to forget about all of this stupid shit for a couple seconds of my day.

We Bought a Zoo 

…we also bought tickets to a paint-by-numbers flick from Cameron Crowe complete with a cute kid saying cute things like ‘The average human head weighs eight pounds’.

Cocaine Cowboys

Cocaine is a helluva drug…as is fully apparent in this eye-opening documentary about the Miami snow trade.

The Sitter

A poor-man’s ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING that poses the question: ‘When is Jonah Hill going to decide if he’s fat or skinny?’

A Lonely Place to Die

It's DELIVERANCE mixed with DESCENT (minus the creatures) mixed with RANSOM mixed with great cinematography and a shitty plot.

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol

Wow, this sequel to Pixar’s THE INCREDIBLES is everything that I had hoped for…and then some.

Lifeboat 

How in the hell did Hitchcock make a movie about seven people stranded on a lifeboat even remotely interesting?

My Week with Marilyn

This movie proves that you can, in fact, create a smart, poignant, interesting historical story in less than 100 minutes.

A Dangerous Method

Keira Knightley juts out her jaw, and other body parts, to unimaginable heights in this under two-hour thought-provoking biopic about Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung.

Young Adult

It’s like the movie MONSTER, but if the title character was a semi-hot novelist/drunkard/drug-abuser/disconnect female going through a mid-life crisis…that’s not a murderer.

Hugo

How on Earth is there a Scorcese film that doesn’t involve an aluminum baseball bat to the head and not named Kundun that still can manage to be utterly fantastic?

Life During Wartime

It’s the much-anticipated sequel to Todd Solondz’s HAPPINESS, completely recast with new actors that no one was waiting for, except for me. 

Cropsey

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Staten Island…but really didn’t want to ever know about Staten Island. 

The Avengers

Finally, a superhero film, other than The Dark Knight franchise, that doesn’t suck big, hairy gonads.

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold

Morgan Spurlock pays for an entertaining movie about crass commercialism by making an entertaining movie about crass commercialism.

Click here for more of Eimer's One-Sentence Movie Reviews >>

Eimer's Netflix Reviews - Puss In Boots

Nice spin-off tale of the fabled, saucer-eyed feline from the Shrek tales.

Lots of tongue-in-cheek cat jokes mixed with a pretty funny storyline concerning Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty, the Magical Beanstalk and the Goose that lays Golden Eggs pull this movie out of the three-star dumpster.

Funny, witty screenwriting, not to mention above par Dreamworks animation and quality direction by Chris Miller (who, coincidentally, directed SHREK THE THIRD).

Plus, can you really go wrong with Guillermo Del Toro (PAN'S LABYRINTH, HELLBOY) as a surprising executive producer addition?

As far as voice acting goes, Antonio, Salma, Zach, Amy Sedaris and Billy Bob bring their A-game and seem to be having a lot of fun with their characters. For adults, the smart writing and adult humor will make you appreciate the film possibly more than your kids.

Highly recommended for cat lovers and, of course, animation lovers as well. Which begs the question, with RANGO, WINNIE THE POOH, RIO and the upcoming TIN TIN film, isn't this a great year for animated films?!!

Check er out!

Click here for more Eimer reviews

Interesting stuff my kids draw - The Thing

I know. I know. Everyone loves their kids and thinks that everything they do is the cat's meow.

However, trutch be told, there are, in fact, a lot of things my kids do that downright pisses me off.

But, once in a while (okay more than once in a while), they say something or do something that puts a great big smile on my face and makes me proudly say, "Yep, them's my kids."

Case in point was something that happened a couple days ago. I showed both of my kids (my 3-old son and 4-old daughter) the 50 monsters cartoon, which I posted last week prior to Halloween.

They were mesmerized. My daughter more so than my son. She was particularly taken by this image:

"What's that?" she asked.

"Oh, that's from the movie The Thing," I said.

"What is it?"

"It's a creature that takes the form of other creatures and, sort of, morphs into them via some crazy biology."

I don't think she really understood my answer. However, that was about the extent of the conversation.

I looked at her face and she was still transfixed. I was proud that she liked my stuff.

Yesterday, when I picked my daughter from school, she approached me with a proud smile on her face and handed me the following picture:



"What's this," I asked already knowing the answer.

"The Thing," she said with a beeming beautiful smile.

Not sure about you, but it does look like the creature Kurt Rusell confronted in the final scene.

To The Loser, Belong The Movie Spoilers.

Back in my early 20’s, I wanted to know every single thing that I could about movies.

In addition to the director, the screenwriter, the locations, the story, the plot and, ultimately, the ending, I read all of the spoilers on all of the movie geek websites. I read all of the leaked scripts and early test screening movie reviews. I wanted to be armed with all of this knowledge before I took one step in the theater to watch a movie.

Let me say that again. I wanted to know all of this information before I walked into the theater.

Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I wanted to brag about (which I didn’t too much). Maybe I was a little narcissistic thinking that I had a one-up on all of the other movie goers that night? Really, I'm not too sure what caused this crazy obsession.

However I do know one thing, in hindsight, it was dumb - and a bit of a let-down to boot.

Two years ago in September, I DVR’ed an Ohio State football game so I could participate in my son’s birth. After my healthy son was born, I called my Dad to tell me the good news and he accidentally told me the score of the game (Ohio State won). That night, I went home that night, started the Ohio State game, but wasn’t that pumped to watch it. Maybe because it was against Northwestern as well, but that’s beside the point. The excitement was gone.

That's exactly how I felt after watching a movie in my 20's...a little empty.

Which goes back to my underlying point, basically everything that you knew was going to happen in the movie, well….happened.

As I’ve stated in a previous post, when I was growing up, I remember judging a movie by the poster alone as to whether or not I wanted to see the film. It was a wonderfully innocent time, when the magic of movies surprised me at every turn.

Skip my alcohol-fueled late 20’s, and fast-forward to my current 30’s.

Maybe it’s my growing wisdom or the fact I’ve mellowed with age, but I’ve sort of turned over a new leaf when it comes to foraging for these little extra nuggets of film knowledge before I watch a film.

As a matter of fact, besides knowing the director, screenwriter, cinematographer, producers and the basic plot (e.g., A man witnesses a murder and the mafia hunts him down to silence him.), I take careful steps to avoid knowing any other information about the films I watch.

Perfect example, I was having a conversation with a fellow co-worker about Richard Bachman’s (i.e. Stephen King’s) novella The Long Walk. Good book check it out. The story reminded him of a 1969 movie called They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? about a depression-era dance contest directed by Sydney Pollack and starring Jane Fonda. Never heard of it.

He told me the basic premise and I was hooked. I tossed it into my Netflix queue, waited a couple days and watched, quite frankly, one of the best films I’ve seen in quite some time. And the cool thing was I didn’t know a god-damn thing about it. Didn't know the beginning, the ending, the actors, the actresses. Didn't know anything that was going to happen.

It was fucking awesome.

Oh, sure, I could have visited Wikipedia for a complete synopsis or visited some other spoiler websites, but - like a Biggest Loser contestant saying no to a cupcake - I shunned the temptation and decided to let the movie play out in front of my eyes with a complete blank slate in my head.

Of course, I scour critics top-ten lists and visit other movie-rating sites such as Rotten Tomatoes to get a gauge on what’s hot and what’s not. By the way, life’s too short to watch shitty movies. Most of the films I watch are chosen from critics top-ten lists, positive word-of-mouth, director, producer, screenwriter and, in a lot of cases, my intestines (that's right, the Eimer gut).

And, you know what? It’s working. I’m enjoying movies a helluva lot more than I used too. In this situation, and only in this situation, I’m going out on a limb and saying that ignorance is bliss.

That said, I came across this article in Wired magazine from J.J. Abrams, the creator of Lost and Alias, the writer/director of Mission Impossible 3, the new Star Trek and producer of Cloverfield.

It talks about the ruination of films through knowledge (i.e. internet spoilers) and the pesky vermin of geeks hell-bent upon ruining a movie with the simple goal of being the first to report on the big happening in the latest, greatest film.

It’s a good article. Hell, any article that brings up the trials and tribulations of spending useless hours trying to solve Super Mario Brothers 2 already gets kudos in my mind.

By the way, if you click the Super Mario Brothers link above, World 7-1 starts at 6:53. Read the article, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Summer Movies & Being a Kid.

When I was younger, I loved going to the movies.

I loved staring in awe as baby Superman hoisted up a car. I loved the idea that the finale of Close Encounters of the Third Kind might be real. The loved the excitement of not really knowing what was going to happen after Darth Vader yelled "I am your father".

That's why I'm convinced that nothing. Absolutely nothing compares to going to the movies when you're a kid.

A perfect example of this feeling was in June of 1981.

I was 9-years old. It was the first couple weeks of summer vacation. Schools out. Schools out. Teachers let the bulls out. No more teachers. No more bells. You know the rest.

Life was pretty good....and easy.

The air was warm. The valley was alive with the sound of locusts and toads. Plus, I could ditch my dark blue school jeans and wear shorts every single day.

Even more exciting was, every Friday afternoon during the summer, my mom, my brother and I would hop into the car and cruise out to The Ohio Valley Mall to see a movie.

On this particular Friday, I skipped up to the theater entrance, slammed my nose against the glass window and surveyed, salivated, and quietly contemplated, the four "NOW SHOWING" movie posters dangling in front of my eyeballs.

Out of the four choices, one particular movie poster caught my eye:



"Let's see that one," I declared as I smeared my hand on the window no doubt leaving a dirty slobbery streak behind.

It was a landslide vote. We all wanted to see Clash of the Titans. My mom paid the admission, we took our seats in the modestly empty theater and proceeded to munch on popcorn like rabid raccoons until the movie ended.

After filling my head with images of Medusa, the little metallic owl, the three-headed dog, the blind witches and the evil half-horse, half-ogre thing, I came out of theater pumped up and ready to kick some Greek ass. I couldn't wait to get home, make an imaginary stick sword and, in the guise of Harry Hamlin's Perseus, head to a nearby stream in hopes of vanquishing an evil Kraken. Or a crawdad. Whichever came first.

As my brother and I exited the theater, we were discussing the finer points of the flick including whether or not you could actually turn to stone if you looked at a severed head of Medusa or would it most certainly have to be attached to her head for it to really work.

Suddenly, we noticed that someone was missing from our three-person posse.

"Where's Mom?" my brother asked as we looked around for our only connection to the adult world.

Standing about 20 yards behind us near the theater entrance was mom digging in her purse. She pulled out some more money and pointed towards another movie poster hanging on the wall:



"You guys want to see this, too?"

Our mouths dropped.

"No way," we exclaimed as we high-tailed it back into the theater and became some of the very first people in the Ohio Valley to view the adventures of Indiana Jones.

The action, adventure and awesomeness that was Raiders of the Lost Ark completely trumped anything that Clash of the Titans could offer even Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion creatures and Ursula Andress' portrayel of Aphrodite. Nothing could hold a candle to the images of melting faces, gigantic rolling balls and a pit of snakes. A PIT OF FUCKING SNAKES!

The introductory sequence where Jones braves the Peruvian jungle (not to mention several booby traps) to retrieve the golden idol only to find his rival archaeologist Belloq waiting in the wings is, undeniably, one of the most memorable cinematic scenes of my childhood youth.

Even today, I consider Raiders of the Lost Ark to the be the most complete movie of its time. In my opinion, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. And I think my opinion is based on the fact that I knew absolutely nothing at all about the film before I headed into the theater. I didn't care that Speilberg directed it. I could give two shits if the man behind Star Wars produced it. Although I knew Han Solo was starring in it, I really didn't care about the actors either. But they all came together to make a fantastic flick.

Looking back, there were a number of GREAT, BADASS, FUN films released in 1981 including: Time Bandits, Stripes, Taps, The Evil Dead, Mad Max 2, Escape from New York, Excaliber, For Your Eyes Only, An American Werewolf in London, History of the World Part 1, Outland, The Howling, Dragonslayer, Southern Comfort, Night Hawks, On Golden Pond, Ghost Story, Death Hunt and let's not forget Disney's Condorman.

Whew! That's a lot of great flicks!

But, as you grow older, the illusion of film fades and you slowly begin to realize that a crane lifted the car that Superman lifted, special effects had to do with the glittery Close Encounters spectacle and Lucas would go on to make three crappy prequels to what was, quite possibly, the best five seconds in the history of cinema.

Don't get me wrong, I like to see a good movie as much as anyone else. But, I'm convinced, that the sense of wonder, excitement, innocence and awe that you experienced at the theaters when you were a kid can never be reproduced when you're older. To be honeest, I probably know too much about a movie before I head into the theater to see it. When I was a kid, the only thing that separated me from wanting to see a movie or staying away in disgust was a kick-ass movie poster. That and great word-of-mouth around the school cafeteria.

That said, hoping to rekindle that lightning in a bottle that was 1981, I was looking over the upcoming summer movies and thought I'd share my top-ten anticipated summer flicks of 2008 (in not particular order):

• Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (No explanation necessary)
  
  
• Hancock (I like director Peter Berg, Will Smith and the whole idea.)
  
  
• The Happening (Let's see if M. Knight can break his crap streak)
  
  
• Wall-E (Pixar. Robots.Written and Directed by the guy who did Finding Nemo)
  
  
• The Dark Knight (Nolan. Bale. Ledger. Eckhart. Caine. Need I say more?)
  
  
• American Teen (Documentary about being a high-school teenager in America in the 00's)
  
  
• X-Files 2 (Being a conspiracy nut, I can't miss this one)
  
  
• Midnight Meat Train (One of my favorite Clive Barker stories)
  
  
• The Pineapple Express (Judd Apatow produced. Seth Rogen wrote. David Gordon Green directed)
  
  
• Tropic Thunder (This Ben Stiller-directed comedy looks like a lot of fun)

I'm sure you can find a million web sites talking about each film on this list. So I want bore you with the details. However, after the summer's over (more than likely late autumn), I'll update you on my thoughts about each pic.

How about you guys? What movies are you looking forward to this summer? If any?

What happened to the cast of Predator?

I’ve seen a lot of movies in my life.

Some of them have been great works of art. Some of them have been duds. Others would fall into my other category...BADASS.

My BADASS movie category includes such films as Die Hard, Time Bandits, Aliens, Rocky 3, First Blood, Fight Club, Raiders of the Lost Ark and Wanted: Dead of Alive (starring Rutger Hauer and Gene Simmons).

But, by far, the top movie on my BADASS list is Predator.

I was 14-years-old when Predator was released in the theaters in 1987. And, having the strict R-rated policy that I would come to hate in the Ohio Valley, I had to go see it with my mom and dad. When I found this little tidbit out, I quickly called up a couple other horror-junky friends of mine and dragged them along with me. And yep, we sat as far away from my parents as possible.

What followed was two solid hours of kick-ass ultraviolence on screen. I could feel the blood, the sweat and the mud of the film. I could feel the heat of the Central American jungle.

In addition to many one-liners in the film ('If it bleeds we can kill eet' and 'Here I am. Keeeel Meee. Keeeel Meeee') this movie left a permanent scar on my retinas that I simply cannot get of my mind to this day.

Just like The Goonies, every single time Predator is on television, I have to watch it. It’s like I’m transfixed. Almost like a mid-western wife watching American Idol.

This movie has left such an impact on me that I still don’t use shaving cream when I shave - just like Bill Duke’s character in the movie. Also, when I hike, I’m always scanning the trees with hopes of catching a chameleon-like alien out of the corner of my eye.

The other day, on my way to work, I was listening to Jesse Ventura on the Opie and Anthony radio show. Suddenly, my mind reverted back to the movie. Then I started to wonder about the rest of the cast.

Where are they? What have they been up to since the release of that kick-ass 80's film?

Well, to answer your questions, look no further than here. Starting with the most famous actor of them all…

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Probably one of the most recognizable actors in the film, Schwarzenegger, who played ring leader Dutch, went on to star in 17 more movies after Predator including Terminator 2, True Lies and the god-awful Jingle All the Way. He also had a bit part in the movie The Rundown with The Rock, which people took as a handing over of the action crown to the former wrestler. In addition to his acting duties, every Spring the former Mr. Universe still flies back to Columbus, Ohio, to pimp his annual Arnold Classic Sports Festival. Oh, and after announcing his intentions during a broadcast of The Tonight Show starring Jay Leno, Schwarzenegger was elected the governor of California in 2003 on the Republican ticket. In addition to a possible run for the California Senate seat in 2010, it's rumored that Ahnuld will make an appearance in the fourth Terminator film directed by McG and starring Christian Bale.

Jesse Ventura
Ventura, who played the 'I ain’t got time to bleed' machine-gun toting Blain in his first film role, appeared in 17 more films including an upcoming 2008 film called Woodshop. The former Navy SEAL and professional wrestler was also hired as host for the failed XFL Enterprise, served as a referee at a World Wrestling Federation match and published several books including Don’t Start the Revolution Without Me, released last month. Oh yeah, he was also elected mayor of Brook Park, Minnesota in 1990 followed by governor of Minnesota in 1998 on the Reform Pary ticket where he served one term and opted out of re-election. TRIVIA: Ventura appeared in two other Schwarzenegger movies including The Running Man and Batman & Robin.

Director John McTiernan
After Predator, McTiernan had a string of successful movies including the untouchable Die Hard, The Hunt for Red October, The 13th Warrior (some may disagree) and The Thomas Crown Affair. We’ll forgive him for Rollerball and Last Action Here. (At least I will.) In April of 2006, McTiernan was sentenced to four months in federal prison for lying to the FBI about hiring private eye Anthony Pellicano to wiretap a producer. After a five-year filmmaking absence (his last film was 2003's Basic starring John Travolta), McTiernan is set to go behind the camera with four movies currently in pre-production.

Shane Black
A gifted screenwriter, Black - who played the bespectacled Hawkins in the movie - gave us the characters of Riggs and Murtaugh from the Lethal Weapon series. In addition he went on to write a number of other screenplays including geek-favorite The Monster Squad, Last Action Hero, The Long Kiss Goodnight and The Last Boy Scout, which was one of the highest selling screenplays at the time. After a 10-year hiatus from acting and writing which, according to a story in Entertainment Weekly was due to a bout of depression, Black returned in 2005 with his writing and directing debut Kiss, Kiss Bang Bang starring Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr.

Jim Thomas and John Thomas
The Thomas Brothers, who wrote the Predator screenplay, went on to write Predator 2, Executive Decision, Wild Wild West, Mission to Mars and received a story credit for Behind Enemy Lines starring Luke Wilson and Gene Hackman. Although they’ve been fairly quiet in the screenwriting department, they also received credit (and I’m sure some dough) for the two Alien vs. Predator films. Neither brother has any upcoming projects listed in the near future. To be honest, I couldn’t find too much about these guys at all even searches for upcoming novels came up nada. They must be counting their money somewhere.

Sonny Landham
Landham, an American Indian who played the role of tracker Billy, appeared in 16 movies including Carl Weathers’ Action Jackson and Sylvester Stallone’s Lock Up and a number of B-movies. Although credited for a role in 2007’s low-budget flick Disintegration, Landham retired from acting in the 90’s and became a paralegal in Ashland, KY. Like Ventura and Schwarzenegger, the former 70’s porn star (you heard it right) threw his hat into the ring in a bid to become Governor of Kentucky in 2003. Sadly, Landham lost. Now, he spends his time serving as president of the Sonny Landham Foundation and speaking at various engagements across the United States.

Bill Duke
Duke, who played the dry-shaving Mac, is still making a fairly successful living in the movie business. After Predator, Duke has acted in 34 movies most notably Menace 2 Society, Payback (with Mel Gibson) and Action Jackson (starring Predator-actor Carl Weathers with Predator side-kick Landham). In 2008, Duke directed Not Easily Broken and is in the pipeline to star in one movie and direct another in 2008. Duke also directed a number of television series including Miami Vice and Matlock and a handful of films including A Rage in Harlem, The Cemetery Club, Deep Cover (a personal favorite) and the meh-incuding Sister Act 2. He was appointed to the National Endowment of the Humanities by former president Bill Clinton and has also been appointed to the California State Film Commission Board by Predator Governor Schwarzenegger. In addition, he currently serves on the Board of Trustees at the American Film Institute. Trivia: Prior to Predator, Duke also appeared in Schwarzenegger’s Commando.

Carl Weathers
Known to some as Apollo Creed from the Rocky series and as Chubbs Peterson from Happy Gilmore, Weathers - who played the deceitful Dillon in the movie - went on to act in a bevy of TV series and films including an In The Heat of the Night TV series and, most recently, the stupid-sports comedy The Comebacks. In 1988, Lorimar Film Entertainment tried to make him a franchise name with the entertaining, but equally horrible, Action Jackson where he played a tough Detroit cop who goes after a sociopathic car manufacturer. He also played himself in the underrated comedy series Arrested Development. Currently, Weathers is doing some acting and is a principal of Red Tight Media, a film and video production company that specializes in tactical training films made for the United States armed forces.

Kevin Peter Hall
In addition to playing the Sasquatch in the 1987 comedy Harry and the Hendersons and the short-lived 1991 TV series of the same name, Hall – who played The Predator - appeared in a number of films requiring a big guy including Big Top Pee Wee and Star Trek, The Next Generation. In 1990, he reprised his role as the 7-foot tall alien in the sequel Predator 2. Sadly, Hall died on April 10, 1991, from an AIDS-related illness as a result of contracting HIV from a contaminated blood transfusion. He was 35 years old. His last film was the somewhat enjoyable horror film Highway to Hell, which was released after his death. Trivia: Hall can be seen in the first Predator without costume as the helicopter pilot at the end of the film.

RG Armstrong
Even though he had a long, versatile career, Armstrong - who played General Phillips in the flick – is more popularily known as spooky Lewis Vandredi in the Friday the 13th TV series. In addition to playing Prunefrace in Warren Beatty’s Dick Tracy, he also appeared in a number of television shows including Silk Stalkings, Milennium and L.A. Law among others. He finally retired after six successful decades in show business, with his last film appearance in 2001’s B-movie The Waking. TRIVIA: You may have also recognized Armstrong as the old man in Metallica’s Enter Sandman video.

Elipida Carrillo
The only female actress in the entire movie. Carrillo - who played Anna - went on to star in a number of American and Spanish television shows and movies including Salvador where she acted alongside James Woods, the underrated Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her, Steven Soderbergh’s Solaris and the controversial comedy A Day Without A Mexican. Currently, Carillo is filming the movie Seven Pounds starring Will Smith and directed by Gabriele Muccino (The Pursuit of Happyness). TRIVIA: Carrillo reprised her role as Anna in Predator 2, starring Danny Glover. She can be seen in a brief appearance on a video screen where she shows the damage to the Central American jungle caused by the explosion at the conclusion of the first film.

Richard Chaves
After Predator, Chaves, who played Poncho in the film, got another career boost as the role of Lt. Colonel Ironhorse in the War of the Worlds TV series. However, his character was killed off in the second season, which sparked an uproar in the small, but mighty, War of the Worlds geekdom. An American Indian, vietnam veteran and playwright who wrote the highly acclaimed Tracers, Chaves is currently acting in a straight to DVD movie from the Left Behind series titled Lost Warrior. He also has his own fan club and appears at a number of science fiction and comic-book conventions around the country.

Where In The World Is John Hughes?

Ever since National Lampoon's Vacation glazed across my eyeballs back in the early 80's, I've been hooked on the work of John Hughes.

For anyone living in a Bigfoot cave, Hughes is a screenwriter/director who gave my thirtysomething generation (although I should say countless generations) reasons to laugh and cry. But mostly laugh.

We all wanted to be Ferris Bueller and take a day off high school...in style. We all wanted to be those two computer geeks that could create Kelly LeBrock via a computer. We all wanted to get detention in hopes of having the delightful conversations and adventures that Anthony Michael Hall and company experienced in The Breakfast Club. We all wanted to have a dad like Clark Griswold. Well, maybe just me.

Much like Judd Apatow is doing at this moment with films like Superbad, Drillbit Taylor and the short-lived TV dramedy Freaks and Geeks, Hughes mastered the fine (yet tricky) art of high school dialogue and comedy in the 80's. Simply put, he was one of the comedic voices of my high school generation.

Off the top of my head, here are my favorite six John Hughes' flicks:

Vacation (wrote)

Weird Science (wrote and directed)

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (wrote and directed)

The Breakfast Club (wrote and directed)

Sixteen Candles (wrote and directed)

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (wrote and directed)

Oh sure, the man has written a ton more other popular movies as well. Home Alone , Pretty in Pink, The Great Outdoors and Uncle Buck come to mind. He's also had his share of stinkers, but the fresh tomatoes far out-weigh the rotten ones.

Which brings me to the whole point of this entry.

Besides a co-writing nod on the new Apatow-produced Drillbit (which was from a script he'd written a long time ago), Hughes has basically disappeared from the entertainment landscape.

No television. No books. No movies. No producing. No nothing.

A quick scan of IMDB.com has Hughes last directing and writing performance being the lackluster Curly Sue in 1992.

I'm curious what Hughes has been up to in the last 15+ years?

Is he tightening the screws on his new Breakfast Club or Ferris Bueller screenplay? Is he shacked up like J.D. Salinger writing endless screeplays with explicit rules they only be released upon his death? Is he working on the next great-american novel?

Where in the world is John Hughes!

As it turns out, a lot of other movie Web sites and blogs were wondering the same thing. Rather than pull stuff from all of their sites, I thought I'd give you a rundown of various links I found concerning the strange disappearance of John Hughes:

(Click on the links below)

An upcoming low-budget documentary on the John Hughes generation called Don't You Forget About Me

Click here for a Slashfilm article on the new poster for the documentary American Teen, which mimics The Breakfast Club.

Here's a Hughes-centric rant I found on Chud.com titled Leave John Hughes Alone

Here's an interview with Patrick Read Johnson, who worked with Hughes on a couple of his later films.

Want to know what happened the teens in John Hughes' films? Click here for an article from MetroMix Chicago.

Whatever happened to Long Duk Dong? Click here for an article on the last Hollywood stereotype.

Another John Hughes retrospective courtesy of Slashfilm.com.

Just out of curiosity, what's your favorite John Hughes film, if any?