What Up Michigan?

It's got to be a pretty depressing time to be a Michigan Wolverines fan.

It's the first time since 1959 that the Wolverines have opened a season with two straight losses at home. That's 48 years!

To put things in perspective, Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone premiered on television, Charlton Heston's Ben-Hur won 11 Academy Awards and John McEnroe and Weird Al’ Yankovic were born in 1959.

Plus, dating back to last season, they’ve dropped four straight for the first time in four decades. The 32-point loss to Oregon was Michigan's worst since losing 50-14 at Ohio State in 1968 (yeah!), the season before Bo Schembechler's debut in Ann Arbor.

The really weird thing is that Michigan was picked as the team to get it done this year. Maybe even win the national championship. Personally, by seeing the talent pool back from last year, I was sure Michigan would roll, virtually uncontested, in every single game. To be honest, I don't think anyone saw this coming, including Ohio State fans.

Granted, I think Oregon is a pretty good team. I’m convinced that their quarterback has a chance to be considered for the Heisman if he has (I don’t know) nine more games like the one he played against Michigan. Appalachian State is a good team as well. But, well, they're Appalachian State.

As an Ohio State alumn, Big Ten supporter and Buckeyes fan, I’m not too sure how I feel. One could say I should be happy, kicking my heels together, that the Wolverines are getting it handed to them every week. But, I’m not.

I’m from the school of thought that I want Michigan to have the highest possible ranking and the most wins under their belt when they face Ohio State at the end of the year. I don't know about you, but it's always more fun to watch a high-ranked Wolverines team (full of hope and vigor) get blasted from atop their Big Ten perch by a Scarlet and Gray helmet.

KnowWhatI'mSayin?

Although the season is young, I could see Penn State and Wisconsin making some noise in the Big Ten. Ohio State's got both of them back-to-back on October 27 and November 3, which should be interesting. I'm also still looking forward the Wisconsin/Michigan game on November 10, which I thought would've been the Game of the Year in the Big Ten.

And who knows? After a Mike Hart guaranteed victory over Notre Dame on Saturday, maybe Michigan will get their shit together this week, and proceed to roll in the Big Ten.

In any event, when the 0-2 Wolverines square up against the 0-2 Irish, I’ll be pulling for the blue. Then, I'll root for them to win again. And again. And again. Until the Buckeyes head to the Big House on November 17.

In fact, I think that's the only day I won't be rooting for a Michigan win.

With that last comment in mind, check out the following story about a Texas fan getting his penis almost ripped off by a Oklahoma fan.

Looks like our fans aren't the only rabid college football fans in the nation.

The Big Ten Network Bend Over.

This whole Big Ten Cable Network/Ohio State Buckeyes football-thing is a bit unnerving.

The Big Ten commissioner is putting it upon us - the Ohio State football fans - to call our local cable providers and demand that they put the Big Ten network on our cable box so we can watch the first two Ohio State football games of 2007.

"Hey, it's not my problem," he's saying to the press. "Your cable company doesn't offer the Big Ten Network, so you have to do something about it, not me."

Otherwise you have four options: listen to it on the radio, go to a bar, head over to someone's house with DirectTV (or Insight Cable I just found out) or simply buy a ticket to the game.

It doesn't take a chemical engineer to know what all this is about...Dead Presidents. Dead Green Presidents. And no, not George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. The big ones.

This is the same thing that happened with the Ohio State/Indiana game last year, which was broadcast on ESPNU. Sure, a couple people bitched, but the cable companies balked. Good for them I say. You know what I did during that particular ass-whopping? I went to a bar and hung out with a good friend that I hadn't seen in a while. It was pretty fun.

And you know the SEC, PAC-10 and other NCAA conferences are keeping a close eye on the outcome of this situation. The greedy bastards.

Let's be honest. The only reason you want the Big Ten network is for the first two football games.

"No way, Eimer! I want the Big Ten network for Ohio State basketball games as well."

Oh really? So you want to watch some shitty, early-season Ohio State basketball games that will be played in a half-filled arena?

"Uh nooooo. I also want it to watch other Big Ten and Ohio State sports as well. And let's not forget about the great Big Ten news coverage that will be coming in."

Hmmmm, is that so? Let's say it's a weekday night and you're flipping through your 600 channels and accidentally flip to some OSU men's volleyball game on the Big Ten channel. So, you're telling me that you're going to jump out of your seat and scream...

"Fuck Lost. Fuck Survivor. Fuck Battlestar Galactica and Fuck The Office. This is the programming I want to watch tonight!"

Unless you have a relative or a friend of an athlete that's playing in a second-tier Big Ten sport (e.g. lacrosse, soccer, track and field etc.) or you're a scout for an upcoming game - you're not going to watch it.

You may think you're going to. You may even check out one play. Only one. Just to say you watched it. But, trust me when I say this. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WATCH THE BIG TEN NETWORK.

Never. Ever. Ever.

Okay, okay, you may watch 20 minutes of Big Ten Synchronized Swimming, but that's it. (I mean who doesn't want to watch girls with beautiful legs swimming around a pool?)

You know who I feel like? Mel Gibson in Ransom. But, in this case, my 'son' is the OSU Buckeyes football team and the 'kidnappers' are the Big Ten network.

You know what? I'm going on national television (i.e. this blog) to thumb my nose to the greedy kidnappers and say "Give me back my son."

But you still have a chance to do the right thing," Gibson character said to the kidnappers in the movie. "If you don't, well, then, God be with you, because nobody else on this Earth will be."

Fuck the Big Ten Network. And Fuck the higher bill for having this stupid network on our cable.

I'll be at the Winking Lizard in Peninsula, Ohio, watching the first two Buckeye football games. See you there.

Football Bucks #2 in the past decade.

This past week, I've been counting down the top NCAA football teams of the past decade on ESPN.com.

Fifteen college football experts and analysts ranked all 119 Division I-A programs, taking into account record, traditions, recruiting, facilities, coaches, attendance and support, among other criteria. It's a fairly big task, but I think they pretty much hit it on the nose.

Plus, you gotta love the retro-Donkey Kong graphics on the lead-in page.

Count 'em down right here.

I'm not surprised that Ohio State is second. Check out their win percentage. It's insane. Even higher than USCs win%.

One surprise, to me, is Boise State at #19? Who would have thought that?

Another cool thing is that five Big Ten teams made the top 25: Iowa, Penn State, The Buckeyes, Michigan and Wisconsin. Purdue was 33rd.

Nice representation. Easy conference my ass.