Finally....My FREE Novella of Short Stories

Well, since waaaaaaayyyy back in May of 2011, I teased and promised that this would eventually happen. It took a while, but I wanted to make sure all the i's were dotted and t's crossed (so to speak).

If you click on the below link, you will be able to download MISCELLANEOUS DEBRIS - my FREE novella of short stories written circa 1999-2005. Besides two or three copyediting jobs and some tiny grammatical clean-ups (by yours truly) these stories have been untouched. Because, as I state in my forward, 'Where's the fun in that?'

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD AND SAVE!!!

The idea to toss these stories into a collection started about a year ago, when I came across a number of odd little writings that I had collected in an online folder aptly titled 'Miscellaneous Debris'. As I read over the stories, I thought, "You know, these aren't that bad. They're not that good, but they're not that bad either."

Then, I started to think about all of those people who are afraid to showcase their work for fear of getting chastised, laughed at, or berated. To be honest, I thought of myself because it's been a personal fear that has kept me from trying to publish any of my fiction to this date. I know. I know. No inhibitions. But, it's harder than you think.

So, as a form of carthasis, I thought I'd release these not-so-great works of fiction as a stepping stone to create something better, something bigger, something that will eventually, hopefully entertain the masses. And by masses, I mean more people than the three readers of this blog and my Facebook friends.

Before you start reading...I wanted to add a couple more thoughts:

• This isn't my best work, but it is some of my earliest short story work.
• I would welcome your feedback on your favorite and not-so-favorite stories (if any).
• I'm 100% sure that I'm NOT going to rewrite any of these stories, so save your edits.
• If you do see some type-os, please make note, I have not formally sent this document to a proofreader.
• Out of the 20 short, short stories in the novella, I would consider SYMPATHY, THE BLEEDER, THE BIRDFEEDER and THE BUM my personal favorites.
• My least favorite would have to be CRAZY DAY, but I just tossed it in for shits and giggles.
• I hope you have fun reading these as much fun as I had writing them.
• You can easily read this book with an iPad or iPhone...so download away.
• Right now, I have two books started that I can now focus my full attention towards completing.
• I'm not going to post this post to Facebook until January 15, 2012.

Well, that said, enjoy.

Now that I have baptized myself of these mediocre stories, onto bigger and better things.

Eimer's Top Reads of 2011

Well, it's that time of the year when I reminisce about the year that was. Truth be told, I didn't read as many books as I have in years past. Not sure if my attention was focused on other things, I've been reading longer books or simply, my eyesight is failing me and it takes longer to read fine text. All in all, I believe I read a total of 26 or so books this past year. Not much, but enough to have a top ten list.

Also, I ask anyone and everyone to visit Goodreads.com and open up a FREE membership where you can mark and rate your favorite-and not so favorite-books, write reviews and build a 'to-read' list based on other reader's recommendations, and more!

Now, shameless promotions aside, let's get to the books.

This year, it seems that I've picked a number of duds including Xenocide (the third book in the Ender series), Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine and A Man in the Woods by Scott Spencer. Very disappointed with these three books among others.

However, as the whale shit sunk to the bottom of the ocean floor (or in this case my book pile), ten books served as the distinctive cream that rose to the top including three books by three of my favorite illustrators. Plus, a special shout out to my copywriter companion Craig Israel who recommended not one, not two, but three books, which made this list. Thanks bud!

So, without further adieu, here were my top-ten favorite books of 2011 (in no particular order):

The Book of Genesis Illustrated by R. Crumb

Well, now I can officially say that I've read the Book of Genesis! However, it wouldn't have been as nearly entertaining had it not been illustrated by R. Crumb. Couple thoughts...the story of Noah, Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel as well as Sodom and Gommorah are extremely short - less than a page or two. It seems like this Rebekah character controlled all of the early men's decisions in the Bible. It's funny to see that people lived to be 400 or 500 years old in the olden days but - in today's time of radical medicine and prescriptions - we have an average lifespan of 77. Speaking of Noah, since a flood wiped out all of humanity, then technically, everyone on this Earth is the spawn of Noah? Correct? There are pages and pages of boring, mundane text talking about who had sex with who and then lists and lists and lists of the children's names. By far, the most enjoyable part was the story of Joseph, which ended this extremely daunting first chapter of the Bible on a high note. Thanks to Crumb for offering a visually stunning 'take' on this important manuscript. Highly recommended for the visuals. Slightly recommended for the overall text.

Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

Wow. What a novel. Reminded me of a modern day Grapes of Wrath. Where as Steinbeck's fantastic novel talked about the plight of the American farmer and their struggles to feed themselves and find constant work to survive. Franzen, the author, focuses his lens on the modern day family's (The Bergland's) internal, psychological struggles with their emotions, their beliefs, their sanity and their ultimate pursuit of happiness. A struggle to find what will make them truly free. Like Steinbeck, Franzen has strong control of the English language and creates a fantastic story interpersed with plausible, believable dialogue between the characters. A genius work (and I don't use genius oftern). The first 100 pages, you may be scratching your head and wondering where this is going. Give it time. The book percolates in your mind, lets you slowly get to know the characters and then grabs a hold of you until the very last sentence. Seriously. This book would make a great HBO mini-series

20^th-Century Ghosts by Joe Hill

The short story, in particular, the short horror story is a dangerous nut to crack, as you'll see when I release my little nuggets to the world in a couple of weeks. Some great fiction, science fiction and horror writers are known for their fabulous short stories including Harlan Ellison, Ray Bradbury, Clive Barker and Stephen King - even Hemingway among others. Other long-form horror writers try and try to create a good short story, but fall short. Which brings us to Joe Hill who has offered up a handful of not necessarily gore shriek stories, but rather eerie, odd, fantastical stories. Hence the term 20th Century Ghosts. These aren't goblins and spooky critters, but somewhat real people that you could possibly run into on the street. The thing about Hill, is he has a knack for dialogue and his character can be very funny, very sarcastic when need be. His stories could be pulled from this book and tossed into an episode of Twilight Zone without much tinkering. I was very happy with this collection. However a number of his stories came to the top of the 'jealousy' pile including BEST NEW HORROR, POP ART, THE BLACK PHONE, THE CAPE, MY FATHER'S MASK and VOLUNTARY COMMITTAL (which is quite possibly one of the best short stories I've read in quite some time). So, there you have it. After reading his 'okay' long-form novel HEART-SHAPED BOX, I'm looking forward to reading some other great entries from this up-and-coming horror writer.

Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

This isn't a book for nerds. Well, not really. This is a book celebrating the numbers, the statistics, the data of life, the (dare I say?) hidden side of everything. Steven D. Levitt and economist Steven J. Dubner provide an easy-to-read thought-provoking book on economics...with a twist. Want to know why crime has gone down in the past 20 years? It's not because gun control. What's in your child's name? As it turns out, a lot. Do teachers and sumo wrestlers cheat? You'll be surprised to learn that some of them do. What makes a good parent? Well, as it turns out - it's not reading to them. How is drug dealing a lot like McDonalds? Find out in this book. Are there similarities between real estate agents and the KKK? In a word, yes! Economist Levitt and journalist Dubner come together to create a page-turner of fascinating facts that will make you the most brilliant chap at any cocktail party. Seriously! I'm sorry that I dragged my heels on reading this book. It was a very fun read.

The Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs

After I read that Andrew Stanton (Wall-E, Finding Nemo) signed on the dotted line to direct a live-action movie about Edgar Rice Burroughs' The Princes of Mars (aptly titled John Carter of Mars), count me intrigued. I've always heard fellow geeks in my fellow geek circles talking about this book, but didn't think much of it. "Pffftt. It's an old dusty book about a guy who goes to mars and fights aliens," I would say. Well, turns out I was half-right. The other half is that it's actually an entertaining read. Keep in mind that this book was first published in 1917. Almost 100 years ago! Then, you can respect Burrough's vision and creativity and imagination. Sure, some of the plot is a little clunky (how did JC get to Mars?) and writing is a bit antiquated. But, so what. That's the fun of the book. It's a great, pulpy science fiction book that inspired a lot of famous writers, directors and scientists to think beyond this Earth. And start looking to the stars for literary and literal exploration. Will I continue to read Burroughs' John Carter series? Eventually. But not right now. There's too many other books I want to read. After talking with a friend, he mentioned that Burroughs uses the famous cliffhanger technique from book to book. He does it with this original entry as well, which piqued my curiosity. So, yeah, I'll probably explore the series a bit more down the line. However, I'm very happy that I picked up this important piece of science fiction literature. It's definitely worth a read.

Physics of the Future by Michio Kaku

Great interesting book. If you ever wanted to step into a time machine and find out what life was going to be like in 25, 50 or 100 years - this is the book. Based on patents that are currently at the patent office and conversation with some of the smartest, forward-thinking minds of this century - theoretical physicist Michio Kaku paints an optimistic picture of the future. No more gas. No more disease. No more aging. Tons of robots. And expanded space travel and colonization. The book, at times, is a little heady, but the brilliant Kaku tries his best to speak in lamen's terms referring to pop culture movies, tv shows, books and magazines to help illustrate his thoughts. One of the most eerie parts lies in the the final chapter where Kaku takes us through a day in the life of a 71-year old man in 2100 - as close as you're going to get to seeing the real thing. Check er out.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

My favorite book of this past year. Not only a great read for young adults, but for everyone. Sure, comparisons will be made to THE LONG WALK, BATTLE ROYALE and THE RUNNING MAN, but Suzanne Collins creates a somewhat plausible, eerie dystopian world where 24 teenagers battle to the death in a forested arena...and only one survives. A real entertaining page-turner that will have you thinking long and hard weeks and months after you finish it. LIke I said, very entertaining, creative, violent read, which is surprising for a young adult novel. TWILIGHT this ain't, so check 'er out!

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

Collins' follow-up to the fantastic horror novel The Hunger Games, I enjoyed the story arc, the writing and even the great twist in the middle - and the end. However, although this is a great second novel, in my opinion nothing will compare to the first novel. I wish I could say more, but the beauty of this series is the element of surprise that springs out at the reader each and every page. Read the books and tell me what you think. Highly recommended. EIMER NOTE: Although I read Collins' third and final Hunger Games novel, Mockingjay - I did not include it on this list for a number of reasons. Although it was good, it just wasn't top-ten worthy.

Berni Wrightson: A Look Back by Christopher Zavisa and Berni Wrightson

Fantastic book. If you're an illustrator, a fan of comic books or simply like staring and learning about great art, this is the book for you. Bernie Wrightson is the master. It's nice to get inside his head and see what makes him tick as an artist. The cool thing about this book is not only the great art, but the fact that Bernie actually takes the time to talk about his work - including his failures, which makes him a bit more human in my eyes.

MAD's Greatest Artists: Sergio Aragones: Five Decades of His Finest Works by Sergio Aragones and Patrick McDonnell
If you're a fan of MAD Magazine, cartooning or ironic-filled cartoons, you need to check out this book, which supplies the best of the best of Sergio Aragones' five decades of work at MAD Magazine - hand picked by the author/illustrator himself. If it wasn't for this guy and Don Martin, I wouldn't have dabbled in cartooning myself. This is a great collection of some of Aragones' funniest gags. Great, great stuff by a truly talented, and mad, genius.

ADDITIONAL WARNING: If you're interested in any of the above books, I implore you to not (NOT) visit Wikipedia to learn more. Wikipedia summaries are filled to the gills with spoilers that will ruin your reading experience.

Well, there you have it. If you're interested in other top ten list from years past click the links below:

• Eimer's Top Reads of 2010
• Eimer's Top Reads of 2009

Eimer's Top Reads of 2010

This year, I didn’t come even close to last year’s record of 46 books.

I only read 27 books.

Due to my 2009 New Year’s Resolution - More Eimer in 2010 - I’ve been drawing more cartoons, working on my novel(s) and children’s books, writing a bit more, watching more movies and running a bit longer than my average of 1.5 miles a day achieved last year.

In any event, I've uncovered more great books this year that I think would make great reads for all three readers of this blog. Some oldies. Some newbies. Some of the best books I’ve ever read.

So here goes...below are my top ten reads of 2010, in no particular order. Click each title to shoot to the respective Amazon.com page (So you can order the damn books!):

Born To Run by Christopher McDougall
If you're a runner, jogger or moderately interested in exercise, you need to read this book. Part-autobiography, part-history, part-anthropological study, part-self-help book, this novel has it all. If you don't run, it will inspire you to get off your feet. If you do run, it's packed with a lot of helpful tips, plus motivation from some of the best ultra-marathoners in the United States, not to mention tips and strategies from the Tarahumara tribe of Ultra-runners who live in the Copper Canyons of the Sierra Madres. Like I said, fantastic book!

Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card
Extremely, thought-provoking, well-written sequel to Ender's Game. It's like a murder-mystery with aliens. Orson Scott Card effortlessly weaves concepts of nature, religion, science, technology and science fiction into his fiction to make a very quick, very entertaining read. If you're a science fiction fan, pick up this book and Ender's Game.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larrson
When it comes to books, I'm not that into mysteries. That said, this book is highly recommended on all fronts. Great writing. This isn't James Patterson crap. This is more comparable to Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie - even somewhat comparable to Thomas Harris (Silence of the Lambs). Being a former journalist, I also found Larsson's world extremely intriguing. Note: The first 50 pages are setting the scene, don't let it dissuade you.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
You know the movie Frankenstein and the Frankenstein's Monster? Well, this book - the original book - is nothing like the movies and the fantastic monsters that Filmland created. No, this book is much darker. The monster is much smarter - and evil. He's not dumb. He's cold, calculated and very, very angry. And the main protagonist Dr. Frankenstein is a tortured soul in every sense of the word. I'm very happy I picked up this book and found out the Mary Shelley's true vision. Highly recommended for horror fans and literatire fans alike.

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
At only 100+ pages Hemingway fills each page with precise language. Highly recommended to any lover of fiction. Which begs a question, why do authors need to write 500+ page books. This is proof enough that a 100+ pager can do the job - if you have the right story.

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
So much to say that I can't possibly touch on all facets of this book. Lets just say that Steinbeck has captured the essence of everyman's dialogue. He's weaved a triumphant story that will stand as the pinnacle of great American literature. Like I said, I need more space to talk about the importance of this book. Yes, it's long. But it's well worth the read.

The Making of Star Wars by J.W. Rinzler
If you're a fan of STAR WARS, or a fan of the film-making process, you'll love this book. It's a long book with very small text. But it kept my enthralled from beginning to end. Great behind the scenes pics and inside scoops on the heartbreak, the triumph and the creativity that was poured into this film. This is the definitive book on one of the most important movies of all time. Highly recommended.

Night by Elie Weisel
After you read this, you truly realize how incredibly lucky Wiesel was. This is a book that everyone should read. Very powerful. A little on the depressing side due to its content (A child and his family trying to survive the holocaust). But, it definitely makes you think how lucky we are to live in the United States. Right here, right now. The train sequence is the most tragic part of book.

Columbine by Dave Cullen
Another tragic novel. Pretty powerful stuff. If you were always wondering the true story about what happened in Columbine, this is the book. Let me warn you, it's not pretty. In fact, it's kind of unsettling. However, if you're a teacher or a parent, I'd say pick it up. Trust me, there is a lot you don't know about the Columbine tragedy. And most of the so-called 'facts' that you read in the newspapers were totally bogus.

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy
This is a book about death, destruction, mutilation, brutality and torture in the wild west. In fact, I would wager that this book averages, at least, one death per page. Truth be told, it's a fascinating book. McCarthy has a fantastic grasp of the English language and weaves a compelling story. This book made TIME's Top 100 books since 1923 and, definitely deserves a spot on your list. Bloody great read.

ADDITIONAL WARNING: Like I said last year, if you're interested in any of the above books, I implore you to not (NOT) visit Wikipedia to learn more. The Wikipedia summaries are filled to gills with spoilers that will ruin these books for first-time readers.

Blindness Movie Trailer

When I was living in Columbus, I was part of a book club.

Someone in the pack picked the 1995 novel Blindness written by Jose Saramoga, who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1998.

The novel is about a society suffering an epidemic of blindness, which completely shuts down commerce, manufacturing and even (gulp) advertising agencies.

Imagine a world without copywriters?

In any event, a lot of people in the book club seemed to like the book.

Personally, I was not one of them.

For starters Saramoga uses an experimental style often featuring long sentences like the one youre reading now Sometimes they are more than a page long He also fails to use periods and instead connects thoughts with commas Oh yeah he uses no quotation marks to express dialogue He also fails to announce which character is talking or which character is doing a specific action In this particular novel Saramago sometimes abandons the use of proper nouns as well which can be very confusing to a person that simply wants to relax when reading a book Whew

When I was reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road, zero quotation marks around the dialogue didn't bother me at all.

When I was reading Blindness, the above style was very tedious and very annoying to me. More often than not, I would lose my train of thought. Instead of picturing characters and words in my mind, I would daydream about what I was going to eat for lunch the next day. I just couldn't get into the book. And I'm 100% sure it had a lot to do with his writing technique.

Like I said, some people in the group weren't bothered by his style. Instead, they enjoyed a very deep, engrossing, thought-provoking book. Or so I'm told. Maybe they were lying.

In any event, when I found out Fernando Meirelles (City of God, The Constant Gardener) signed on to direct a movie adaptation of the book starring Julianne Moore, Danny Glover and Mark Ruffalo among others, I was extremely intrigued.

No, not intrigued enough to read the book again. But intrigued nonetheless.

Check out the trailer below:


My first opinion of the trailer: it reminds me of the movie Children of Men, starring Clive Owen, Michael Caine and, ironically, Moore.

It also feels a little bit apocalyptic zombie like 28 Days Later or even George Romero's underrated Day of the Dead. Perhaps it's because of the bleak, overexposed cinematography from César Charlone - who was also behind the camera for both Gardener and God.

Don McKeller adapted the screenplay from Saramoga's book. Coincidentally, he also co-wrote two of the most underrated art-house flicks I've ever seen in Highway 61 and Thirty-Two Short Films About Glenn Gould,

I dunno. Much like my hesitation to see Perfume based on it's title alone, I'm not really psyched to see a movie about blind people called Blindness.

But it does look interesting and compelling to say the least. Plus, it's got a great cast, great director, great writer and great cinematographer. Eventually, I think I'll check this one out just to give these guys some money to continue to ply their trade. More than likely, though, it will be on DVD.

Regardless, I can assure you that it will garner some kudos come 2008 movie awards season.

So...what do you think?

NOTE: Every year, I go on a hiking trip to unknown parts of the nation. Tomorrow, I'll be heading out to the wild-blue yonder of Tennessee to tackle 45 miles of the Appalachian Trail with five other hell raisers pushing 40 years old. Later.

The First Rule of Book Club is...

When I lived in Columbus, I was in a book club.

The thing I liked most about the book club was the fact that I was semi-forced to read books that were out of my normal reading element.

Some were good (The Devil and the White City, Friday Night Lights, Diary: A Novel and The Color of Magic); some were bad (Birds Without Wings and Blindess) and one was just plain awful (Prague: A Novel).

All in all, I thought it was a great idea. I could hang out and talk with like-minded people who loved to read. Sadly, it's something you don't see too often nowadays.

That said, I was looking to join a book club up here in Northeast Ohio. But due to my job, looking after a kid and preparing for our son's arrival in September, I really haven't had the time to pursue it.

Basically, I just read what I want to read when I want to read it. I'm not complaining because, right now, I'm reading some cool shit.

But, I still miss the book club atmosphere.

A couple of months ago, I was over at my buddy's house. And the conversation turned to books.

"I'd love to start a book club up here," he said.

"No shit? Me too," I responded.

"We should get it going," he said.

"I'm in," I responded. "Did you know I was in a book club in Columbus?"

"Oh, really. How was it?"

I proceeded to tell him how we ran the book club in Columbus. That we got together every six to eight weeks. That we brought food and alcohol to liven it up a bit. And that each person in the club took turns hosting it at their house.

All in all, he seemed pretty psyched.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," I said. "The person that hosts the book club gets to pick the next book that we read."

Complete silence.

"Wait a minute?" he blurted out. "You mean other people get to pick the book you're going to read?"

"Yeah," I said. "It's a book club." I made sure to put extra emphasis on the word 'club'. I might have even made the finger quotes with my hands.

He sat there for a couple seconds in silence. The wheels turning in his head.

"Nah, fuck that, I don't want to read books that other people pick," he said. "I'll just read my own stuff."

Oh well, back to the drawing (or reading) board.