Friday, February 6, 2009

One-Sentence Movie Reviews: Winter Edition

More One-Sentence Movie Reviews For Your White, Pasty, Non-Suntanned Skin.

Lakeview Terrace
Samuel Jackson hates bi-racial couples and this movie is what happens when one moves in next door.

The Counterfeiters
Who knew a movie about the Holocaust could be so entertaining, and so under two hours.

City of Ember
It's like The Goonies but replace One-Eyed Willy's pirate ship and treasure with the outside world.

Death Race
It's Shawshank Redemption mixed with NASCAR mixed with Grand Theft Auto mixed with a big plate of stinky, brown shit.

Although entertaining Matt Dillon is far too good looking to play an inebriated Charles Bukowski.

The boring, boring west.

River's Edge
Keanu and Crispin play weird and weirder when their best friend kills a girl.

The Wackness
Will make you want to smoke weed, cry and listen to 90's hip hop before it ends.

Man on Wire
Will make you want go out live life and pursue a career in tightrope walking.

Pineapple Express
Remember that one part when they smoked weed, fired guns and made snarky weed jokes? Me neither.

Alan Ball, of American Beauty and Six Feet Under fame, writes and directs a very interesting film about racism, sexism and teenage love in the suburbs.

Burn After Reading
Great cast, kooky script and great direction tosses this Coen Brother's flick into my top 10 favorites of last year.

The first 40 minutes rocked while the rest of the movie sucked.

Ice Men
This movie was about as gay as the cast of guys trying act like outdoorsey straight men.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
This movie cements Guillermo Del Toro as this generation's George Lucas and Steven Speilberg.

Son of Rambow
Great idea for a movie, but it could have been so much better.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe
I don't.

Encounters at the End of the World
Warner Herzog proves that there's a lot more to Antarctica than dancing penguins.

Long Way Down
Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman ride their hogs from Scotland to South Africa and make me forever jealous at their privileged lives in the process.

The Dark Knight
Another great superhero sequel where the villian is more popular than the superhero.

Kicking and Screaming
Noah Baumbach's 90's comedic swan song to college life.

Step Brothers
It's like watching Naked Gun or There's Something About Mary for the very first time.

Tropic Thunder
Ben Stiller is getting better and better as a director.

The second-best animated movie from Pixar next to Finding Nemo.

Drillbit Taylor
It's like every other Owen Wilson movie you've ever seen.

It's like Strangers On a Train but bloodier and in Russia.

Iron Man
I like where this franchise is heading.

Charlie Wilson's War
Based on a true story, watchable film where Tom Hanks bangs some hot women and tries to stop a war in less than two hours.

The Incredible Hulk
It's good, but didn't I already see a similar version of this movie five years ago directed by the guy who won Best Director for Brokeback Mountain.

It's like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind if you were a designer of children's books.

P.S. I Love You
Good idea and great acting, but did it have to be so goddamn long?

The Happening
M. Night Shamalayan does it again........he makes another shitty movie.

The Duellists
Entertaining movie - Ridley Scott's first - about two pissed-off soldiers that duel each other every couple of years.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
A few guffaws, but not as funny as The Farrelly Brother's The Heartbreak Kid.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
Everyone that is in film school right now should watch this film so they can get a clue about how to direct and handle a camera.

Sex and the City: The Movie
The four sassy bitches, plus Mr. Big, sleepwalk through this clunker.

An entertaining, yet bleak, movie about teenage angst and Ritalin that's not to be confused with Chumbscrubber.

Rob Zombie shoots....and fails with this uninteresting turd on a stick.

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