Thursday, August 27, 2009

What's in a Fantasy Football name? Everything!

So, one of my guilty pleasures for the past three years has been fantasy football.

In the past, I guffawed at all the football nerds who painstakingly reviewed stats, receptions, rushes and tackles to compose the greatest team ever assembled of that particular year.

Personally, I thought it was an effort in futility. A long, drawn-out time-waster that takes place between life and death. However, I digress. After begrudgingly joining my good buddy Matt's league, I've found myself enjoying pro football and fantasy football much, much more.

In the past, I was a dedicated college football fan with only one eye open when it comes to pro football. Now, I find myself scouring and scanning all of the pro games on Sunday night seeing if any, or all, of my players excelled in their particular positions.

So, with all of the pro players doing the work, I think the one thing that truly stands out and shouts your originality in this faux world is the name of your Fantasy Football Team.

A good fantasy football team name should evoke emotions. It should show your creative side, while attempting to scare the crap out of your Sunday opponent.

What's more scary than a disease? Nothing, I say.

That's why, in the past, I've decided to go with chronic diseases as my FF team names. Instestinal Flu, Clogged Instestines and Chronic Diabetes have been some of my favorites. However, last year, I think I topped myself by going with Tinea Cruris - the scientific name for jock itch.

Other past names include Zombie Toolshed, Creeping Death, Wheeling River Rat and FALCO, named after the popular 'Amadeus' singer/songwriter.

This year, I went the nostalgic route and chose Sweep The Leg- a head nod to one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies of all time: The Karate Kid.

If you're unaware of the scene in which I speak, watch below (if you're impatient, fast forward to the 5:28 mark):

So, there you have it. In my opinion, Sweep The Leg epitomizes what I'm trying to do to my opponent...sneak up on them and surprise them with a cheap shot that they didn't see coming. Then, like a little sissy, I run home in a full sprint and stand behind my mom who's holding a big-ass wooden rolling pin.

Yeah, it's sort of cold, and a little childish, but who fucking cares. It's Fantasy Football - Dungeons and Dragons for washed-up jocks. (except for me!)

Now, I'm curious. If you were geek enough to have a fantasy football team, what's the best name you've ever used - or seen?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Brad. Nick C. here. Our fantasty football team -- run by myself (a Browns fan) and my friend (a Bengals fan) -- is called "The Clevelanatti Browngals." It's so stupid, I think it's brilliant. One of my favorite all-time fantasty league names was "Knee Deep in the Fixins" -- because I'm really not sure what it means, but it sounds vaguely dirty.