Snakes? Snakes? Where are you?

If you are the one or two people who frequently read this blog, you know that I do a lot of trail running.

Pretty much, I've hit every hiking trail in and around the Cuyahoga Valley National Park region. I've also had my share of running adventures in Central Ohio as well.

But, I'm not here to brag.

I'm here to make a specific point about snakes. (work with me, here)

When I was a kid, my brother and I would find a plentitude of snakes all around our home of Martins Ferry, Ohio. We used to pick snakes up with ease, like it was almost second nature. With precision, we would pull on their tails from in between two rocks, throw them in the grass, grab them on the back of the head, squeeze and pull them up. Their tails would slowly slither around your arm.

It was a cool feeling of empowerment over the smaller creatures of the world.

Waaaay back in 2007, when I moved up to the Northeast Ohio region (particularly Lakewood) I would come across a number of snakes on my runs. Most of the time, I would mistake them for a stick and, as soon as I jumped over them, they would skitter away giving my heart a slight tremble.

Lately, I've been a little out of practice in picking up snakes. So I thought to myself 'On my trail running, if I see a snake, I'll get back into the practice of snake-picking-up just in case I run across one with my kids.'

Important note to fathers: You don't want to look like a sissy in front of your kids, especially if it has to do with insects or snakes. So I recommend you get over your fears of eight-legged and no-legged creatures prior to having children.

I've been on some very rustic runs in the Akron area and, let me tell you, I've only come across a total of five snakes since moving down to the Bath area in 2007. Five freaking snakes!

That said, I wasn't surprised when I came across this article on Yahoo.com today concerning our slithery friends.

Seems that the world's scientists are in agreement that there is a noticeable decrease in the snake population - not just in Northeast Ohio....worldwide mother fucker. Worldwide.

According to the article, some key factors known to play a role in the decline include climate change, habitat loss, pollution, disease, lack of prey and over-exploitation, either for food or trade.

I know some people will clicking their heels in excitement over this news, (My wife would prefer to be reading a similar article about spiders.), but I'm a little disappointed to read this news.

Hopefully there will be an upswing in the population. Hopefully the little tiny country mice will get busy humping. Hopefully St. Patrick isn't taking his snake campaign worldwide and running the snakes out of the planet.

Hopefully this article isn't true and it's simply a slow news day.

A Tim Horton's Memory.

I like Columbus, Ohio alot.

Like.

It was a place I called home for about 13 years. In fact, I've only lived in three other cities since leaving my hillside home in Martins Ferry, Ohio: Columbus, Cleveland and Akron. Moving to Northeast Ohio was a welcome change to my psyche and my attitude.

Besides Buckeye football Saturdays, plenty of good buddies to drink with and easy access to a number of running trails, my fourth favorite thing about Columbus was Tim Horton's.

I loved the fucking place. Nothing tasted quite better than an old-fashioned glazed donut and a medium coffee in the morning before driving to work.

Which reminded me of this one story...

It was winter, probably Janurary or February. It was sleeting, slushy and very cold outside. As I pulled into the Clintonville Tim Horton's to order my mainstay (see above), I noticed a gigantic long line at the drive in stretching around the entire red building.

Quickly, I pulled into an open parking space next to the entrance, and decided to run in the store to get my donut and coffee.

I hopped out of the car, ran into the shop and was standing in line behind a nice elderly lady who was taking her good, old sweet time.

"Hey, buddy," someone said from behind. I turned my head and saw this 6-8 black man in who slightly reminded me of Biz Markie. He was wearing a postal uniform and he looked slightly perturbed.

"Hi," I said not really sure what to say. I glanced forward. The old lady was still ordering her whatever in front of me.

"Are you the fool that left your car running outside?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"You shouldn't do that," he said.

"Do what?"

He rolled his eyes, then put his hands on his hips. "Leave your fucking car running, while you in the store."

"Seriously?" I asked not believing the conversation I was having.

"Don't you do that again," he ordered.

"What?"

"I said don't do that again," he shouted.

"CAN I HELP YOU," shouted the Tim Horton's lady at the counter. The old lady left and it was my turn to order.

I looked at Biz. I looked back at the Tim Horton's lady. I placed my order.

"Did you hear me?" the large man asked.

I turned toward him. "Look, I heard you, but why do you care what I do with my car."

He gave me an angry glare. "Don't do that again," was all he said.

I paid the lady, she gave me my donut and coffee and I headed towards the door.

"Hey," he yelled.

I looked around. My heart was pounding. I was preparing myself for a fight.

"If I see you here, and I see your car running in the parking lot, I'm a gonna steal it," he screamed. "That will teach you a fuckin' lesson, honkey"

Everyone in the store looked towards me. Somebody just called me a honkey and meant it.

"Whatever, dude," I said and left the store.

That was the last time I saw Biz the postman - almost seven years ago.

Now, everytime I leave my car running when I run into a coffee shop or store, I always picture that guy and his stupid Biz Markie head, sneaking up, stealing my car and burning rubber onto the highway screaming "I told you so!"

Thanks a lot, Biz. You son of a bitch.

CLICK HERE FOR ANOTHER DONUT STORY!

It's all in the numbers. Life, that is.

Just got back from my doctor. I had a blood test to check my cholestoral and other stuff. It's amazing how much they can read from a couple vials of blood.

In any event,

- My cholestorel isn't great (204)
- My good cholestoral is bad (45)
- My bad cholestoral is bad (130 - think)
- My triglycerides were up (due to frequent stops to Dunkin Donuts, no doubt)
- My liver function was OK. Not great. OK

Well, why am I highlighting all of this to total strangers? I don't know. But I do know that I'm not 25 anymore. I'm going to be 38 in July, which is very weird writing it (even saying it). I still feel like I'm 25. Perhaps, I'm still eating that way as well.

While I was on a run yesterday, I was thinking how bad off my body would be if I didn't exercise. Take note, I got these crappy results and I EXERCISE ALMOST EVERY DAY.

(sigh)

Well, at least I don't have cancer. At least, I don't have some sort of crazy kidney or liver disease. At least, it's just high cholestorol. Which can be treated with a pill.

Speaking of pills, it feels like I'm at CVS every other day picking up prescriptions for either myself, my kids and my wife.

I like that my bartender knows my name and my drink.

I don't like that my pharmacist knows my name and what drugs I'm taking.

Notes from a Meeting...

The dishwasher. The horror. The horror.

There are many things I dislike in life. Toilet paper in an unflushed toilet, stepping into a puddle with socks and, well, death. But, lately something’s that been grinding on my nerves like a kid scratching his fingernails across a chalkboard is the dishwasher.

I hate the fucking dishwasher. I hate loading it. I hate unloading it. I hate washing off the dishes before you unload it. I hate the dripping water from the dishes that you step in after you load the dishwasher.

I’ve talked about it here before, when you have kids, you’re in the kitchen. When you’re not preparing food for the kids (or yourself), not cleaning up the kitchen, not cleaning noodles and vegetables out of the drainer, not serving drinks and snacks, you’re either cleaning out or filling up the dishwasher.

And let me tell you, it’s mind-numbing.

Seeing the same plates, the same cups, the same silverware, day after day after day after day after day…..after day. It can wear on you, man.

You know how the wife and husband sort of split up the duties around the house? Well, looks like I got the mowing (yes!) and cleaning out the dishwasher (no!). I haven’t delved into that part of my wife's life as to why the dishwasher is taboo. Sure, she does other stuff (for the kids and the house) that I’m happy to not have anything to do with.

However, it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m sick of staring at the dishwasher.

Which remind me of a movie I saw last year. It’s probably one of the best scenes I’ve witnessed in quite some time.

And it has to do with a goddamn dishwasher.

The movie was ‘Rachel Getting Married’ starring Oscar-nominated Anne Hathaway and directed by Oscar-winner Jonathan Demme. The scene in question that I surprisingly often reflect upon as I’m emptying and stocking the dishwasher is about halfway into the film.

It’s a great scene involving the future father-in-law (name) and the future son-in-law (name). Paul, the father-in-law, played by Bill Irwin, starts loading up the dishwasher and Sidney, the future son-in-law, played by Tunde Adebimpe, butts in and shows Paul how it’s done. Of course, the patriarch of the family has to protect his manhood and it becomes a contest, of sorts, into who can load the dishwasher the efficiently and quickly.

In my opinion, it’s a wonderful scene that captures the character of the actors, the passing of the torch of his daughter to his future son-in-law, and just adds a fresh slice of human condition into a film – which is something that I love to see. I'm curious if this was an impromptu scene thought up by Demme and or the screenwriter during filming. It seems unscripted. Well, the entire film has a documentary feel like you're a fly on the wall of this big family who is celebrating their lives while shadowing their skeletons.

So, until, they think of another way to wash dishes, I will forever be reminded of this scene from one of my not in my top 141 movies of all time. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good film. It’s just not my all-time favorite.

If you haven’t seen it, I’d rent the flick. Not just for this particular scene, but for the entire experience. Especially the wedding ceremony and reception. Very trippy.

Thinking back. It’s funny how those little snippets of film experiences subconsciously get fused into your brain.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with a film?

Submitted my Children's Book Story.

Well, today could be the day that changes everything for Eimer's future.

Why?

I just submitted my children's story idea to a publisher.

Now the waiting begins.

I talked about it a little here, and here. But I'm really not going to give too much away until I sign some sort of contract with someone.

Okay, how about this? A year from now, if no one bites on this book, I'll publish it on this blog for all to see - and steal.

Sound good? Not to me.

Hopefully, someone will snag up this story. It's just too good to be tossed into the freebie bin.

We'll see.

Eimertoons - Who's Your Muse?

(click to enlarge)