Friday, July 26, 2013

A Night at the Races

So, last weekend, I took my kids down to my parents house in the small river town of Martins Ferry, Ohio.

To them, it's a Shangri-La land of milk and honey where they can swim in an above-ground pool, eat sweets to their hearts content and watch endless reruns of SpongeBob Squarepants--with little or no nagging on my part. Hey, it's a vacation.

To me, my parent's house is a place where I grew up for 18 years before leaving for college. It's a place where I've made many memories - both good and bad - around every corner in almost every nook and cranny of the valley. It's a place I love to visit for nostalgia and leave due to the nostalgia.

So, what do I do when all of this nefarious gluttony is going on at my parent's house? Well, I visit my only little island of decadence, the Wheeling Downs Race Track.

I wrote about my Mother's Day visit to the track a long long time ago. One of the only other times I've visited the track was when my brother and I took my then 4-year old niece to the track to see the cute dogs (and of course gamble and drink beer on our end).

Of course, I've been to the casino, which is connected to the race track, numerous times and lost plenty of money. But never the dog track. For some strange reason, I stayed away. I'm not really sure why.

But, like the sirens to the dizzy, horny seafarers in Homer's Odyssey, the track has beckoned me time and time again .. to my demise. In fact, I've visited the race track on my last three visits to the Valley. And I've proceeded to lose money every single time as well ... including this last visit.

But, I'm learning. Oh, am I learning.

Upon entering the Downs, I bought an evening program from the cordial lady at the entrance for a small sum of $1.50. I then proceeded to the bar area and purchased a draft beer of Bud Light for $3.25.

Two minutes in and I was already $4.75 in the hole.

I glanced out to the Wheeling Downs 'scoreboard' in the middle of the track (see above picture for reference) and noticed only 9 minutes remained until the first race.

I best be getting busy.

I opened up program to Race #1 and scanned the dogs. For each race, the program has the name of each of the dog which corresponds to their official number, or placing, in the race. The #1 dog is closest to the inside of the track, while the #7 is farthest way.

Additionally, you can view details of the dogs' last six races including where they placed at each turn as well as final finish with time.

Next to those particular numbers, you can read a small recap of how the dog performed in each race (e.g. No Threat, Clipped 2nd Turn, Steady Gain, No Contender, etc).

You can also read a little bit about the owner, the kennel and what level of race said dog has raced (e.g. Grade A is a pretty good race with lots of great dogs while Grade D is not so great. At least this is what I've gleaned from watching said races. I'm probably wrong).

Whew!

I won't bore you on the details of betting, but on this first race, I surmised that dogs 1, 3 and 8 were going to finish somewhere in the top.

So, I bet the 3-6 Quinella (which means if the dogs finish 1st and 2nd in any order, I win), #3 to Win and a 1, 3, 8 boxed Trifecta (which means that I'm betting 1, 3 and 8 will finish first, second or third in any order).

Total price for first race: $10

I made my bets, and with five minutes left before the race, I walked outside to get a good view of the dogs and enjoy my beer around my fellow gamblers...all eight of them.

You see, most of the gamblers were hanging out inside, smoking, drinking and jotting down endless amounts of numbers on notepads. And pretty much no one looked exactly happy because, well, this is probably their job.

And, the rest of the people? Well, they were blowing their money at the Casino.

“Racing is 10 percent of our business, and the casino is 90 percent," said Mike Meastle, Vice President of Operations at the Wheeling Casino in an article I found on Observer-Reporter.com, which is a sad, sad state of affairs for the track.

So, the dogs were placed in their respective bins. If you've ever seen a horse race, the bins are similar, but smaller, dog-size.

Then, the announcer shouted "Here comes spunky!"

Spunky is a white clump that's attached to metal bar that moves around the track. It's supposed to mimic a rabbit, which serves as the stimulus for the dogs to run, like Pavlov's experiments.

Back in the day when I was in high school, Spunky was actually a stuffed animal rabbit (see image above) tied onto the bar. Now it's more weather-proof and doesn't really resemble a rabbit at all ... it's shaped more like a bone than anything else. But, alas, the name still remains

In any event, as spunky comes around the metal track on the bar, you can hear the dogs barking crazily in their boxes. Then, as the rabbit rounds the final turn and gets closer to the bin, the dogs get silent. It's showtime. Time for the dogs' to earn their paycheck.

Then, they're off!

In a flash, the sleek greyhounds whizz by the grandstand. Another ten or so seconds, and they round the final turn - running approximately 548 yards (the equivalent of running around a high school track once plus an 100 extra yards) and finishing in an astonishing 30 seconds or less (depending on the conditions).

During the race, people were yelling and screaming. "C'mon, you sunnuvabitch," one older gentleman yelled. "Get in there, get in there," another lady yelled behind me. Myself? Well, I was looking at my tickets, trying to remember my bets and concentrating on which dogs were in the lead.

In the first race, the winner was #8 (Treasure Island) followed by #2 (Braska Cam) and #7 (Mulberry Adam). If you remember I picked 1, 3, 8 and 3-6 and 3 to win.

Sigh. Out 10 bucks. Plus, I spent another $3.50 on a fresh Bud Light.

I tried to look at the stats of the winning dogs and find some sort of 'tip-off' to why they won and placed the way they did. I couldn't find a rhyme or reason.

For instance the winning dog, Treasure Island (#8 dog) finished fourth, eighth, seventh, seventh, fifth and first place, respectively, in her past six races. However it's lowest grade race was an A and it's hi-grade race was a AA - which was the highest of all dogs, with the exception of the #1 dog. Food for thought as I made my next bet.

The second race, I didn't fare much better. I spent $4 on a quinella and a dog to win. And came up short. Completely missing the boat on all dogs.

The third race I blew another $10 on a quinella, a win and a trifecta box and didn't win a goddamn thing.

Finally in the fourth race, I hit paydirt. I spent $2 on a quinella, $2 for the #3 dog to win and a $2 super (which is you pick four dogs to finish in the order you picked them, high risk vs. great reward). I won on the #3 dog who finished first. He took the lead and never looked back.

I won a whopping $25. Time for another $3.50 beer.

In race five, I lost another another $8 on two separate quinellas and a $4 win ticket. "One more race," I cursed to myself.

But I wasn't really angry.

I was energized. Even though I was losing more money than winning...this was fun. More fun than sitting at a bar and watching sports, pushing a button on a slot machine or tossing some money down on a roulette table. But not more fun than hunting for Bigfoot. This was something tangible. Sure, there were odds, but it felt different. It felt like it was possible that you could win big at any time. If you did your research, anything was possible.

That said, I placed my final bet on the sixth race. I chose a $2 super, a $2 quinella and a $2 bet for the #6 dog to win. I also bought another, final Bud Light for another $3.50.

As I was waiting for the dogs to commence their race, an african-american family walked down the racing area--a husband and wife and their two older children, I would say late teens, early 20's. The lady, who looked to be in her 50's, said a nice hello to me as she stood next to me. She proceeded to pull out her schedule as her husband walked up to her.

"What do you think, honey?" he asked looking over her should and scanning the race schedule.

"I think 1,8,4,2," she said quickly and matter-of-factly.

"Mmm, hmmm," the husband nodded in agreement. "Looks good."

They took their seats in front of me on a picnic table. Just for shits and giggles, part of me wanted to run up and make her bet immediately. The other part of me scoffed. "Pfffft," I said to myself. "Wishful thinking."

Then, I glanced at my tickets and daydreamed about what I was going to do with all my winnings.

So, the race commenced. People were yelling and screaming even louder during this race. Even I yelled a couple "C'mons" and "Go's" before it was over. I believe the liquid courage was finally settling into my bones.

After the race finished, my mouth dropped at the results. The winning dogs, in order, were #1, #8, #2 and #4. If she, or myself, would have bet the boxed super at $24, we/she would have won almost $6,000.

"Damn," she cackled to her husband. "I should've played that."

"You should've honey," the husband said to her shaking his head.

I was dumbfounded. I glanced at the schedule. I glanced at the dogs. But nothing, nothing popped out that these four dogs were going to win this race as evident by my picks of 2,6,5,7, #6 to win and a 2,5 quinella.

I sighed, guzzled down my beer and shuffled over to the casino where I tried my luck on video poker--
which according to some crappy websites is noted as the third-best odds of winning behind blackjack and baccarat.

Must not be true, because I lost $10 in less than five minutes.

So, my night's GRAND TOTAL: 

4 Beers:             -$14
Program:           -$1.25
Bets:                  -$44
Video Poker:     -$10
Winnings:          +$25

TOTAL:             -$44.25

But, you know what? I didn't care. Just like hiking, going to the movies, eating a great dinner or going to an Ohio State football game ... the experience was worth every penny.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Eimertoons - Wide Range of Customers

Creating an animation for a work project and put this together ... each of the images are supposed to pop up in succession as the VO says: "...Appeal to a wide range of customers..."

This will only take up approximately four seconds in the video, but it took me about three hours from start to finish ... and that's not counting post-production animation.

(click image to enlarge)

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Eimer's Best Netflix Reviews: V/H/S/2

After reading all the reviews about how much better V/H/S/2 was over the original V/H/S, I was pretty pumped to see it.

"How pumped?" you ask?

So pumped that I ponied up $10 to watch it on Pay Per View last night. That's right mother fuckers!

Well, all in all, V/H/S/2 was good ... not great. It definitely wasn't the most mind-blowing horror movie I've ever seen in my entire life. In my opinion, CREEPSHOW and TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE are by far, two of the best vignette movies I've ever seen. Can you think of any others that are better?

Maybe as I grow older I'm a little jaded on horror movies because I've basically seen most it ...with the exception of SALO and A SERBIAN FILM. Eek. (Just a note: A SERBIAN FILM is so disturbing, I can't pull the IMDB page up on my work computer).

That said, V/H/S/2 definitely worth a viewing. If anything, go get a ticket to inspire these young indie filmmakers to get out there and do some cool horror shit.

But I digress...

CLINICAL TRIALS is a good twist on the found footage camera idea - through the lens of an eye. Not as creepy as I would have hoped, though.

A RIDE IN THE PARK, uses a man on a bike with a Go-Pro camera during a zombie apocalypse ... another good idea with disgusting special effects.

SAFE HAVEN is the best of the best. Interesting freaky idea concerning a cult during the end of times. Very bloody as well.

SLUMBER PARTY is another good idea with the found footage via a Go-Pro and a dog. It seemed a little rushed though. Like the producers ran out of money, or time.

The most disappointing part was TAPE 49, the vignette in between the vignettes, which highlights a videographer who videotapes couples cheating on their spouses and a woman who venture into this old house (which I'm a little fuzzy on why they decided to go there) and uncover rooms full of videotapes and TVs. Just a little boring, predictable and blah - like the beginning of THE ILLUSTRATED MAN movie. It's there only to serve as a portal to the other horror vignettes.

But don't let it sway your from not seeing the film. Again, very interesting ideas with very creative ways to get around the tired, overdone 'found footage' blitz that started waaaayy back in the 90's with BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. Extra kudos should definitely be handed out to the cinematographers and the special effects teams involved on the project.

Like I said, worth a viewing--especially for the special effects--but don't expect:

Monday, April 15, 2013

Sketchbook - The Power of the Light Table

So, I'm putting together some drawings for some brochures here at work.

The original artist, a freelancer we hired for a pricey amount of money, pretty much, used a light table to trace pictures and then added her own panache.

My walking orders from the Art Director: "Emulate the original drawings and create something that could be observed as a 'series' of brochures rather than 'new ones."

All in all, I think they turned out okay. I'm not a fan of tracing, but due to time constraints and impending deadlines, there's no way in hell I could make these vehicles look like the originals without the help of my trusty, portable LightTracer (by Artograph) light table and a PaperMate Sharpwriter #2 and...SHAZAM!

ORIGINALS (FROM FREELANCE ILLUSTRATOR):


EIMER DRAWINGS:


Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Harry Potter Movie Electric Kool-Aid Acid Pepsi Challenge Test


As I’ve stated it before, I’m a very liberal guy when it comes to movies.

I saw Conan and Ghost Story at the drive-in when I was very young, and, on more than one occasion, my mom took me to many films that I was probably too young to view (thanks Mom!).

Also, my family would gather round the TV like it was a fireplace, and watch original television premieres of Halloween, Exorcist and Amityville Horror way back in the early 80’s. I'll admit, I had my share of nightmares and night terrors. But, damn if I didn't want to see more and more and more of the bloody stuff.

One thing, that I've noticed is that my liberalness of film is wearing off on my two son and daughter who are now 5 and 6.

In addition to Jaws, they’ve seen a good many classics such as Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (Large Marge scared the crap out of my son), Labyrinth (didn’t like the dancing birds), Jurassic Park, The Secret of NIMH, Ghostbusters (didn’t really like the Dog Creatures), Star Wars, The Wizard of OZ and other films that escape me at this moment.

In any event, since school started in August, my kids have expressed an interest in watching the Harry Potter films. After mulling it over for about four seconds, I thought, “Why the hell not?”

But I had a plan.

I would show them the first film (under my viewing supervision to answer any questions, of course),  and if there were no problems (e.g. blood curdling screaming, night terrors, crying), we would continue on to the next film and the next and the next.

Truth be told, I thought I would cut the line at film #3 (Prisoner of Azkaban). I felt that particular film signified the end of the children’s fare and transferred into more adult content. But, as you'll see below, my kids had other ideas.

That said, this experiment was far more interesting than I thought it would be, which is why I wanted to share it with you – my viewing public. Enjoy.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
My reaction: Directed by Christopher Columbus, this movie is, by far, the most children-friendly of the eight films. I saw this at the movies during a midnight showing way back in 2001. It was enjoyable. However, I fell asleep in the theater, because I got too drunk – and, well, the movie is pretty long ... and a bit slow.

Kids reaction: As soon as the movie started, the kids, in particular my daughter, asked tons of questions. “Who’s that?” “What are they doing?” “Is that Harry’s parents?” “Why is that hat talking?” “Is Snape mean?” and on, and on, and on. They were entranced by the special effects. My daughter was immediately drawn into Hermione. “She’s the smartest of the three,” she proclaimed.

Ending: Both kids were a little taken aback when Professor Quirrell removes his turban to reveal Voldemort growing on the back of his head.

Night Terror Watch: No night terrors – onto the next film.


Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
My reaction: Also directed by Christopher Columbus, this movie is probably my least favorite of the eight. It just didn’t wow me as much as the others did. I found the diary macguffin to be a bit boring. The petrified students and the basilisk were all ‘meh’ for me. In my opinion, with the exception of finding out the big secret of Tom Riddle, this is the least exciting of the seven books.

Kids reaction: Again, the questions started immediately “Where’s Harry?” “Why is he still living with those people?” “What’s Dobby?” “Why is Dobby all dirty?” “What happened to the guy with head on the back of his head from the last movie?” “Where’s the owl?” They enjoyed the Womping Willow and the car escapades in the beginning. I thought they would be scared of the petrified people as well as Moaning Myrtle – but they were unfazed. Truth be told, they seemed a bit unimpressed with this film as well.

Ending: My son was a little leery of the basilisk (i.e. giant dragon snake) at the end. When Harry jams the Gryffindor Sword into the snake’s head wasn’t really that shocking to them. When Harry passed out after killing the basilisk, they thought he was dead.

Night Terror Watch: No night terrors. 2-for-2. On to the next film.


Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
My reaction: One of the best films of the series. Loved the entire look and feel that Director Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men, Y Tu Mama Tambien, A Little Princess) brought to the film. Dark overtones, sepia-skylines and the dementors are all fantastic touches that I was impressed with. Light-hearted with a dark tinge that subtly hints to the violence and dread that’s soon to come. Curious how Cuaron would have handled the rest of the series. However, I feel David Yates handled them just fine.

Kids reaction: They both had a bit of trepidation with the dementors, as well as the giant dead spider and the werewolf transformation scene. They were asking a lot of questions when Buckbeak was ‘supposedly’ executed, but were delighted to find out what really happened. They  enjoyed the time travel aspect of the film. “I want to do that,” my son screamed. (Me too, son. Me too.) They also loved the Patronus scene in the forest with the dementors and were curious as to whether or not they died. (To be honest, I'm not sure).

Ending: This is the 'lightest' ending of the entire franchise. And I say light with a certain bit of sarcasm. Rather than an ‘official’ face-off with someone or creature, Hermione uses her time turner to recreate the events and transform everything back to normal. Also, when Harry received the Firebolt in the mail at the end, both of my kids wanted one for Christmas.

Night Terror Watch: No night terrors. 3-for-3. I thought I was going to stop at this one (my wife wanted me to), but ... next!


Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
My reaction: It's the previous Harry Potter movies mixed with a challenging tournament, plus villains and heroes galore. Ralph Fiennes does a great job with the limited screen time he has as the reborn Lord Voldemort. Kids, fans of the book and lovers of supernatural, science fiction movies can’t go wrong with this flick. For the record, I was a little hesitant to show this to the kids due to death at the end as well as the increased violence throughout. Read on to see if I was correct in my assumption.

Kids reaction: They definitely enjoyed the Dragon contest and the underwater contest, which I myself thought was pretty damn cool as well. My daughter finally noticed a bit of love brewing between Harmione and Ron. “They like each other, a lot,” she said. “They just don’t want each other to know.” They were a bit freaked out by Mad Eye Moody’s eye, which resulted in many questions. “Did a dragon knock it out?” “Did he get in a fight with Voldemort?” (Again, I'm not sure on this either.)

Ending: A very dark and disturbing ending. The kids understood what happened to Cedric, but weren't really too happy about it  This was the first time we, the audience, also see Voldemort in his true form. “He’s evil,” my son said. “Why did he kill that guy?” my daughter asked. I think the fact that a younger boy was killed by Voldemort left them with a bit of unease. 

Night Terror Watch: No night terrors. 4-for-4. PARENTAL NOTE: I had intended to stop the series here ... and wait a couple years to watch the other four films. But, after a week or two of demands from my kids, I relented. Next!


Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
My reaction: If you enjoyed the previous Potter films, and Director David Yates vision, this will not disappoint. The wizard battle scenes are worth the rental alone. HOWEVER, BE FOREWARNED: I believe this is the first movie in the series that you actually have to know the backstory to completely understand what's going on.

Kids reaction: Kids somewhat enjoyed this film. I think, overall, this is a very dialogue-heavy film with the big action finale at the end. My kids definitely did not like the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher Dolores Umbridge. During detention, when Umbridge forces Harry to use the cursed quill – it cemented their detest of her. Their mood perked up a bit when the Weasley twins exited the school in style.

Ending: A dark ending. Not as disturbing as Goblet of Fire. But still dark nonetheless. Kids enjoyed the special effects and the all-out wizard battle at the Ministry of Magic. They really enjoyed the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort. And were curious about the death that happened prior. “Why did [Person] die?"“Is he in Heaven?”

Night Terror Watch: That night, my son walked into our room and woke me up. He wasn’t screaming. But he was a little shook up. He mentioned that he dreamt of a big snake. The next day, however, when I asked him about the dream he said it was a fun dream and that a big snake was in the dream but not scaring him in any way. Hmmmm? Not really a ‘night terror’ per se, but worth noting. 

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
My reaction: This was, in my opinion, one of the better of the eight films. If you’re comparing movies, this one is like The Empire Strikes Back of the series. Begins dark, maintains it’s darkness throughout the film all the way to the end. In fact, I was very surprised to not see Leia, C3PO, RD-D2 and Luke (with a new robotic hand) wishing Harry Potter good luck from afar as he ventures forth with Ron and Hermione to find and destroy the remaining horcruxes.

Kids reaction: As I stated above, this is a very dark film. From the multiple deaths, to the ominous tones, sounds and creepy special effects, there is plenty of visual fodder to keep children of all ages awake for nights to come. So far, the least kid-friendly of the eight. One of the craziest parts - that I totally forgot about - was when Harry ventured with Dumbledore into the enchanted underwater lair to blow up the horcrux. The infer, the creepy skeleton creatures that climbed out of the water, really got under his skin. He hid his eyes a couple times  My wife, who was in the room, gave me a very dark look from the couch as he covered his eyes in sheer terror. "Sorry," I said as I shrugged my shoulder. "I forgot about that one."


Ending: The ‘big death’ at the end really hit my daughter more so than my son, who suffered post traumatic stress disorder from the Inferi scene. She had very many questions. “Is Dumbledore in Heaven?” “Will he be back?” "Are the moving pictures Heaven?" “What’s going to happen with Harry and Hermione?” "Are they going to die?" I guess she wasn’t really too worried about Ron.


Night Terror Watch: Although I was expecting some screams and yelps from my son’s room, the house was as quiet as a church on Monday morning.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1
My reaction: I thought this first installment of the final chapter in the tale of Harry Potter was one of the director’s finest. The actors. The cinematography. The action. I particularly loved the 3:00 animated short in the middle of the film. The scene where Hermione and Harry are dancing in the tent while everything around them is crumbling is also very cool. It’s just these little nuances that Yate’s added in this film that lifts you while you’re surrounded by the somberness and sadness of the film. Everything came together to make a great experience. Hell, even my wife, who is anti-Harry Potter, even acquiesced and said she was mildly entertained.

Kids reaction: Like, the Order of the Phoenix, I think they were bored. This was a very heady movie. Add to that the fast-talking actors with their British accents and you create the perfect concoction for confused kids. However, a couple parts that piqued their interest were the beginning scene with the ‘multiple Harry Potters’, the scene when Hermione, Harry and Ron infiltrate the Ministry; and the scene when Hermione and Harry’s encounter with Nagini, Voldemort’s snake. “That’s scary,” my son said. Uh-oh.

Ending: This ending was a little more ambiguous and darker than the other endings. Definitely another 'Empire Strikes Back-ending' feel that all is lost in the world – especially when Voldemort pulls the Elder Wand from Dumbledore’s tomb. I don’t think the kids exactly realized what was going on here. There were many questions about Dumbledore’s death, about the wand and about why Voldemort cast the spell into the sky at the end.  "Why is he doing that?" my son asked. "I'm not too sure," I said, "Maybe announcing to the world that he's back."

Night Terror Watch: No night terrors of note. Color me impressed.  Either these kids are heavy sleepers or they have a hide like a rhino when it comes to scary movies.


Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2
My reaction: Unlike Christopher Columbus' direction of the first two films, Director David Yates gets it. He gets the look and, most importantly, tone and feel of the Harry Potter universe. This movie serves as a great finale of the series. All of the actors take their roles seriously from Daniel Radcliffe and Helena Bonham Carter to John Hurt and Ralph Fiennes (as Voldemort). Fantastic cinematography and special effects meshed with a great storyline, pulls this film out of the three-star dumpster and tosses it into, possibly, one of the 10 best movies of 2011.

Kids reaction: They loved the scenes when the trio enters the bank, travel underground into Bellatrix’s vault--which is hexed-and, of course, face off with the old, angry dragon. (As a matter of fact, so did I). And, when Harry ‘dies’, they were really caught off-guard by the tiny, bloody Voldemort fetus at the Purgatory train station. Personally, I thought it was disgusting and thought they were going to be freaked out. But, they just glanced at each other started to laugh. "That's so weird," they both said. True, it did seem out of place. They seemed toget a kick out of Harry’s reaction.

Ending: They loved the final battle between good and evil. In fact, they couldn’t peel their eyes from the screen. My son loved the big Trolls. They were both put off a bit by Snape getting the bitten over and over again. After Voldemort is finally vanquished, the movie flash forwards a number of years ahead. I think they were entertained by the older, aged trio. It added some closure to the entire series – much like the book. Which, eventually, led to this conversation:
“Is there another one?” my daughter asked me.
"No," I said. "That's it."
"No more?"
“Well, in about 10 years, they may remake all of them over again,” I said.
“Why?” she asked.
“Well, because that’s what Hollywood does,” I said. “They remake movies over and over again.” 
“That’s boring,” she said. True, so true.

Night Terrors: None to be seen. Although, I should add that my daughter recently had a dream that Voldemort cut Harry Potter’s head off with a wand. This was, just a couple days ago, a month or so after we watched the films. I don’t think that counts, though.


So, there you have it. You may think I'm a bad parent. You may call children's services. You may applaud me. You may think I'm leading my kids down a path of sin. I don't really care. (Well, maybe a little).

Personally, I thought this little experiment showed that, when it comes to movies, my kids can handle a lot more than I imagined. Heck, more than this night terror freak could handle at their age.

Does that mean I'll entertain them with exclusive showings of Evil Dead 2, Fright Night, The Exorcist, Creepshow and The Descent? Why, of course not. Don't be absurd!

That's, at the very least, two years away.