Mac Thinks the Basterds is the Beloved Son

EIMER NOTE: With the Academy Award nominations announced early this week, my buddy Mac, who has contributed reviews for such movies as The Wrestler, There Will Be Blood and No Country For Old Men, sent me an note about his admiration for Quentin Tarantino's latest opus Inglourious Basterds. So without further adieu...

The very last line of Quentin Tarantino's latest film Inglourious Basterds has Brad Pitt saying: "This just might be my masterpiece." Now, whether Quentin is trying to say something or not is not for me to decide. But I will say, in my own opinion, that 'Inglorious Basterds' is Tarantino's best movie since 'Pulp Fiction'.

Like many of Tarantino's movies, Basterds has a killer opening scene. But this one is set in Nazi occupied France in the early years of the WWII. Christoph Waltz plays 'The Jew Hunter', a nazi colonial ordered to find all the jews in France. It's his dialogue and his mannerisms that really give the opening scene the intense juice that it has and really paves the way for the rest of the film.

The Basterds themselves are not in as many scenes as who might think given the film's title. Brad Pitt might be badly miscast as LT. Aldo Raine but he makes the most out of it and his scenes in the end of the movie are hilarious. As a matter of fact, all the American performances pale in comparison to all the European ones during the movie. Diane Kruger is really enjoyable to watch as Bridgett VonHammersmark. The Austrian actress is deeply involved in a developing plot with the Basterds to blow up a movie theater that will have Hitler and his top officers inside, watching the
newest Nazi propaganda movie with it's star soldier playing himself.

Melanie Laurent is also memerable as the young theater owner who has her own plans for the Nazis. Keep in mind that Tarantino is rewriting war history with this movie because what they do to Hitler and the boys can only be concieved from some jewish wet dream.

But is sure is fun as hell to watch.

Inglourious Basterds has been nominated for 8 oscars. Christoph Waltz will be winning one of them for sure. But also watch out for Best Picture. There are many members of the academy who are jewish. They might not want to see James Cameron up at the podium with his new 'Jeff Daniels' haircut saying something like he's 'King of the world' again.

EIMER NOTE: Thanks Mac. I tend to agree. However, after seeing The Hurt Locker, I think the Academy will want to make history by giving best director, followed by Best Picture, honors to a female Kathryn Bigelow - a first for director in the Academy's existence. Hey, it's politics.

Although the Academy may pull an 'Ang Lee' and give Bigelow Best Director for Locker and ex-husband James Cameron Best Picture honors for Avatar.

However, wouldn't it be cool if Basterds knocked 'em all dead?

Children's Book Written. Now It's Time To Draw.

Well, after seven different versions, I finally finished my children's book. Now, it's on to the sketching part of it. I've given myself a rough deadline of end of February with some wiggle room to March 14 (daylight savings time).

I'm not going to give too much away, but the main idea is about the environment and recycling. But it's funny. No preachy Al Gore stuff. So you can let your mind wander from there.

In the meantime, I've got a couple other good ideas that I also began to write. One has to do with snakes and the other, sledding. Like I said, I'm not giving too much away because, well, then, what's the point?

That's it for now. I'll keep you posted and, possibly, include some of my sketches as I venture forward. The image you see above is a very, very rough draft of a child in my first story, which was drawn during my jury duty stint in the Summit County Courthouse (another insane story).

Socks! Dammit! Melting Snow! Shit!

So, we have this mudroom at our house.

I'm sure all of you understand the concept of a mud room, correct? In olden days, when you returned from the outside conditions from a hard days' huntin' or farmin' they would walk into the mudroom and strip off your boots, clothes, socks, etc.

Wife is happy her house is mud-free. Husband is happy that wife is happy. Kids are happy that the two aren't fighting.

Our mudroom is not only our mud room, it's also our computer room. Plus, it's connected to three different doors: the door to the garage (which also houses our trash cans), the sliding door to the backyard and the door to the front of the house. It also used to be our dog's room until he died last August. (sob!)

In any event, a lot of traffic comes through the mud room and I'm constantly hopping back and forth doing various things. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

So, yesterday I stepped onto the linoleum floor and (BAM!) the melted snowy water started seeping through my sock and into my right foot.

I bit my lip.

Then, I searched for another dry spot on the linoleum and, like Frogger hopping across the lily pads in the popular 80's video game, I jumped into the air. I landed with a SPLISH. The melted snowy water started seeping through my sock and into my left foot.

"Dammit," I grimaced cursing the melted snow.

"Dammit," I hear behind me.

My head pops up and, with wide eyes, I do a 180-degree turn. My two-year old son is staring straight at me.

"No, no, no," I say walking over to my son, but step into a big puddle of melted snow, which completely soaks my already-wet right foot.

"Shit," I scream, but it comes out like slow molasses and sounds almost like 'Sheeeeeeeeeiiiiiit'.

"Sheeeeeeiiiiiit," my son screams mocking my slow molasses speak.

"Dammit," I say condemning myself for saying 'Shit' in front of my son.

"Dammit," my son responds staring up at me with those innocent eyes.

I take a pause.

"No, Daddy messed up," I say to my son. "We don't say 'Dammit', we say 'Darn it', understand?"

"Dammit," my son responds with an evil smile. Then he runs away.

"No, no, no, wait," I scream and take another step towards my son and SPLOSH, my left foot steps into the same puddle of melted snow.

"Fuck," I scream out.

"Fuck," I hear someone scream behind me.

I twist around and see my three-year old daughter staring at me.

Sketchbook - Dinosaur!!!!

Eimer's Top 10 Reads of 2009

I've made a grave error. In a previous entry, I sounded off that I read approximately fifty books during this past year.

Apologies to everyone.

It was only 46.

However, two of the novels on my 2009 reading list were graphic novels (David Boring and Watchmen) which, if you're going by Mac's comment in my previous entry, David Boring doesn't cut the mustard due to the fact that it's less than 200 pages.

So, let's make it an even 45, which equals approximately 3.75 books a month.

Sounds about right to me.

In any event, I've uncovered a number of great books this year that I think would make great reads for all three readers of this blog.

So here goes. Below are my top ten reads of 2009 (in no particular order):

1. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaimen It's The Jungle Book in the Graveyard! What a cool idea.This book is pure genius. The writing. The characters. Everything. It actually made me jealous after I read it.
   
   
2. The Giver by Lois Lowry Quite possibly one of the best horror novels I've ever read. And it's really not supposed to be a horror novel.
   
   
3. The Terror by Dan Simmons Great book. Great writing. Great story. I continue to think about this book almost a year after reading it. It would make a great mini-series on HBO or Showtime. Perfect reading during the cold months of winter.
   
   
4. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card This is probably one of the most amazing science fiction books ever written. Seriously. This one is up there on my list of all-time greats. I'm curious as to why a movie was never made about this.
   
   
5. The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon by David Grann A true adventure story about a true adventurer. This isn't Indiana Jones. This is a story of a man with an unbridled obsession to make a name for himself in this world, no matter the psychological cost.
   
   
6. The Stranger by Albert Camus I read this in my early 20's and thought I'd revisit this book in my late 30's. Nothing has changed. It's still a fascinating book about a very flawed character. However, is he really flawed? That's your opinion. Part of me understands his actions. Part of me abhores them.
   
   
7. 1776 by David McCullough This non-fiction novel starts out a bit slow, but it's worth the effort. McCullough has done his research about this particular year in America and, in the process, has created a truly entertaining history of the American Revolution.
   
   
8. Water for Elephants: A Novel by Sara Gruen This is another book that just took a hold of me and never let go. I couldn't wait to read it. Gruen creates an entire circus world that fills your head with beautiful imagery. Her writing is so good, that you actually feel for the characters, both good and bad. But, it's much more than a circus book. It's about growing old, past regrets, hanging on to precious memories and living your life to the fullest.
   
   
9. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien Saw the Secret of Nimh, but never read the book. I'm glad I did because the movie is a complete bastardization of the novel. O'Brien's fine writing style propelled this anthropomorphic tale into my top ten.
   
   
10. The Life of Pi by Yann Martel Like 1776, the books starts off a bit slow, but it pays off in the end. After Pi is on the boat, I found myself reading chunks of pages simply to see how this fantastical story was going to end.

WARNING: If you're interested in any of the above books, I implore you to not (NOT) visit Wikipedia to learn more. The Wikipedia summaries are filled to gills with spoilers that will ruin these books for first-time readers.

Mmmmmm.....donuts!!!

When I was six or seven years old, I went to a Boy Scout meeting with my brother, his good buddy Mike and Mike's Dad.

After the Boy Scout meeting, we exited the church and about two or three inches of fresh fluffy snow had fallen on the ground.

Mike turned to his Dad "Let get some donuts!!!"

Mike's Dad nodded and said, "Sounds good to me, let's go."

We all hopped into his truck (not sure what type it was) and zoomed out of the church parking lot and onto the snow-covered road.

My brother and Mike were talking about the Boy scout meeting (something about a box car derby, if memory serves correctly). I wasn't listening because all I could think about was tasting those fresh, piping hot glazed donuts followed by a nice, glass of fresh milk.

I was pretty giddy with excitement to say the least.

"We're here," Mike's Dad yelled as he pulled into Steeple Valley Middle School.

"Sweet," cheered my brother.

"Yeah," screamed Mike.

"Cool," I shouted.

Was there some sort of bake sale going on at the school that I didn't know about? I didn't care. I was hungry for some donuts. Chocolate covered. Old-fashioned. Smothered in white icing with those little flickers of funfetti on top. It didn't matter to me. My stomach started to grumble with anticipation. I couldn't contain myself.

All of a sudden Mike's Dad hit the gas and started twisting and turning the car around school parking lot. The car slid and twisted around the basketball hoops implanted in the middle of the playground while Mike and my brother hooted and hollered with glee.

I'll have to admit. It was pretty fun. It felt like a roller coaster ride at Cedar Point.

Then, just like that, Mike's dad pulled his truck out of the parking lot. Mike and my brother were giving each other high fives and telling Mike's dad how awesome he was.

We got dropped off at home and said our goodbyes to Mike and his father.

As my brother ran inside with his yellow bandana hopping in the wind, I stood there in the falling snow an utterly confused kid.

What in the hell just happened?

And where in the fuck were my donuts?

More Eimer in 2010

Anyone that has a had a kid (or kids) knows that the first two (or three) years are the toughest.

Literally, you have to give up everything to take care of these little bundles of joy. Unless, of course, you're a shitty father or mother.

In any event, the past three years (my wife and I had two kids in less than two years), I've put a lot of stuff on hold in my life including writing, cartooning, running and reading. Oh yeah, and hanging out with friends.

Don't get me wrong, I know that my life is never going to be the same. Hell, that's probably half the reason I signed up for Parenthood. I know there will be challenges, obstacles and problems ahead. There will also be fun times too!

I think having these little munchkins running around the house has revived the creative juices and passion to create. So create I will.

In 2010, I've started a number of projects and set a couple personal goals for myself. Some of the stuff I want to complete in 2010 are, as follows:

• More cartoons (I want to get back to the drawing board so to speak)
• Publish a short story (somewhere, anywhere with exception of this blog)
• Complete a children's book (I have a great idea and I plan to both write and illustrate)
• Finish a novel (I've got three, yes three, started. All good ideas. I want them to be grand
• More posts (Believe it or not, I want to write more Eimer Debris entries. I feel this blog has helped hone my writing skills which leads me too...)
• More 'Stories from Ghetto Kroger' (there's a lot more inside my head)
• Read even more books (this past year, I was able to read 50 books. I feel that this has also motivated me to get my ass in gear)

Daunting task? Yep. But as I get older I have to challenge myself to not fall into the dead-end dumpster of mundane. Everday I'm seeing a little more and more free time pop up. Not much mind you. But enough to keep my creative juices flowing.

And, I should add, as we speak I'm coaching my kids on their creativity. I'm challenging them to create new things, draw more, play more, imagine more...and watch less television.

I've got the creative whip a crackin'!!!! It's good to be back.

Here's to a great 2010...........for me!!!