Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Madonna…You Little Whore!

So, it seems that this lady Sandra Fluke has been getting a lot of attention lately.

In short, Fluke is a 30-year old college student at Georgetown who was bitching about the cost of birth control and wants the government to pay for her pills.

Although it's a little odd of a request, I guess it makes sense...sort of.

In any event, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh got wind of this story and went crazy.

He proceeded call Fluke a whore, a slut or a prostitute. Maybe all three. I forget. For the sake of argument (and the title of this post), let’s just say whore, because – quite frankly - it’s funnier than slut or prostitute.
Now, after Limbaugh started to lose advertising dollars (including money from Cleveland Cavalier's/Quicken Loan's very own Dan Gilbert), the former Oxycodone addict had a moment of clarity and did a 180-degree turn on his 'slut’ talk.

According to dictionary.com, a whore is someone who 'engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money'.

Sandra Fluke, my fellow reader, is not a whore. She’s just a woman who likes to rattle cages while, at the same time, have lots and lots of unprotected sex…FOR FREE. (allegedly).

However, I'm not sure I can say the same thing about Madonna.
In case you live under a roof, Madonna appeared during the SuperBowl halftime show in February. It was the perfect 15-minute commercial to kick off her North American tour.
As I sat there and watched the spectacle before my eyes (all in all this lip-synced production wasn’t bad and wasn’t good either), all of the women in the room - including my wife - started talking about the former Mrs. Guy Ritchie's upcoming tour.
“Oh, we definitely have to go!”
“I hear this is going to be her last tour!”
“Let’s get all of the girls together and make a night out of it!”

“Fine with me,” I grunted and scratched my hairy belly button. “You crazy bitches go ahead and spend your hard-earned money. I’ll be here at home having a nice relaxing night with a 40 oz. of Mickey’s Malt Liquor and a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-type horror movie.”
Concerning my above comment, I’m only half-lying. None of them are certifiably 'crazy'.
Truth be told, when I found out about the tour, I wanted to do something nice for my wife and thought this would be the perfect thank-you for letting me go on my annual hiking trips with my buddies. Wouldn’t it be nice to surprise my true love with two tickets to one of her favorite performers of all time? Of course it would, silly!

So, yesterday, I decided to visit Ticketmaster.com and get a feel for the cost of tickets to see Madonna at Quicken Loans Arena. And, knowing my wife, she doesn’t like nosebleed seats. She wants to be either on the floor or as close to possible.

Like a female version of Colonol William Prescott yelling to the troops on Bunker Hill, she’s not going to fire (i.e. spend money on a concert ticket) unless she can see the whites of the performer's eyes.

So, I logged on to Ticketmaster.com and my jaw dropped:
$760 fucking dollars for two tickets? Granted the two tickets are on the ground floor. But, let me toss that price out there again, $760 FUCKING DOLLARS.
You’re fucking kidding me right? Madonna, are you insane?

A couple years ago, I had the pleasure of seeing two of my favorite bands at Verizon Music Center in Indiana - Nine Inch Nails and Jane’s Addiction. For each tour stop, concert goers where offered an upsell to purchase standing room only seating (i.e. mosh pit) that placed you directly in front of the band.
The price: $125 for two solid shows. Front and center. I dubiously bought the tickets and, suffice to say, had a blast. But, let me just say, $125 is about as much as I will pay for any concert. ANY CONCERT I SAY!
So, who’s the real whore here anyway? I’m thinking Madonna.
I’m thinking this 50+ singer/performer is selling her body on stage for money. And I should note, I’m pretty certain, she’ll probably be lip-syncing her music as well. Where's the fun in that? At least Bono and Elton John sing during their concerts.
So, what else could I do with this $760 bucks. I decided to do some research online.
For $760 dollars, my wife could take someone (hopefully me) on a plane for a three night stay in Las Vegas for about the same price (hotel and airfare included).
Also for $760, I could pay for a monthly mortgage payment, or a car payment, or a nagging credit card bill or even our monthly gas, electric, cable, and cellphone bill combined.

So, let's say we picked the Vegas trip. Now let me ask you, what’s really going to be more fun? Call me crazy, but I’m thinking the trip. At the very least, it’s much more bang for your buck. And there will be quite a bit of banging going on - if you know what I mean. (heh! heh!)

Anyhow, I guess I’ve made my point. I’m not sure why these performers charge so much money for their tickets and, in the process, alienate their most die-hard fans who can't afford to spend gobs and gobs of money on tickets and merchandise for a three-hour show.
It makes no sense to me.
Well, gotta go, it’s time to have a talk with my wife and figure out a way to let her down easily.
Thanks a lot Madonna….you little whore!

On related note, I hear Dave Matthews Band is playing at Blossom this summer. I’m sure tickets will be much more reasonable for that show.
I guess it's back to Ticketmaster I go.

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